Ring Around the Rosey - We All Fall Up

Fall has always felt more like the beginning of the year for me. With fall fashion for us to check out and the fall organizing and buttoning up of all things summer it seems like a great place to begin a new thought.

Years and years ago I had a thread on a forum-type place (I got kicked off! ha! So did my friend T! I don't know what we did - something horrible! No we didn't, but we did get kicked off.) named Wrecking Ball. But now that term has been overtaken by a young 'un singer so I need a new phrase - hmm . . . My youngest daughter mentioned a few months ago in passing that she was having the Year of Lorenzo. I like that. I kept saying a year ago that it was my Last Good Summer because the following summer I was turning a certain age, ahem, and life as I know it would be over. Of course it isn't, but I am dramatic. Life isn't. IT ISN'T!

Maybe "They're All Good Summers" or "I'm Forever in Summer" or "Summer is my Middle Name." How about "Forever Fall?"

I'll think a minute longer.

I like beginnings. The thinking, the plotting, the progress charting, the checklists.

Time to turn on the fireplace. Time to make stew. Time to organize our office. Time to bring the kitties home from the lake. Time to begin.

Squeeky in love

Me in love

Love in space

Puppers love

A Post a Day Keeps the Januaryitis Away

That's what I'm thinking. I'm writing every day this month just to see. Some of you may want to look away. It could get mesmerizing, oops, I might have meant, mortifying.

I weighed myself a few minutes ago and I was neither horrified nor satisfied! Which means I'm the same and that seems like a New Year Celebration right there. No damage! I am dancing in the form of walking lunges right now. Because, like it or not, January First is a good time to reinforce improvements.

January Pledges

• Write more.
• Read more.
• Laugh more. 
• Stop stressing out about people that you don't even like. Address and dismiss girl. They're fine where they are. Leave them there.
• But be nicer. Guess what? It's nice to be nice. Today was day one - Nice!
• Allow no doldrums this month. No, the sun probably won't shine, but who cares! Life is fantastic! The so-exciting-I-might-pee parts and the it's-Tuesday-and-I-get-to-watch-RHOBH parts. All good. 
• Deep as a puddle can be entertaining, but maybe only to you.
• Chubby and aged is prized in some cultures. You might want to move there! hehehe
• To fight sadness about the above, remember the lovely doctor that repeatedly hit on you during Pup's stay a couple of months ago. Took me until hit #3 to get it. #notverybright #somelikeityourway #itdidtakemymindoffwhatwashappening #deepasapuddle 
• See above and alleviate the #deepasapuddleitis you can have. Find meaning.
• With this thought, leave the hashtags to others. You are annoying more than just yourself.  :)
• Again, with this said, never give up your mad love for the emoticon. Some things are classic. Plonk!

It's a beginning. 

"You Are a Bitch!" "No, That's Just My Face."

I have resting-bitch-face. I didn't know this was a thing. I knew something was wrong with my face (easy there . . .) a long time ago, but until I actually saw this phrase I didn't know what to call it!

It catches me off guard at times. I'm happily in, say, Target. Shopping, putting crap in my cart, wandering around in the office supply area (obsessed), or looking for 3 oz cups for the bathroom (where the hell are they anyway??) when I catch sight of my face in an unexpected mirror.

Aaah! There is my face. Frowning. Brow wrinkled. Mouth turned down. It always catches me off guard. I look closer into the mirror. There it is. The face. The face I'm presenting. What is going on? I'm happy in this moment. I'm wandering and thinking and shopping. Why the face?

I look again. I adjust my posture. I relax my face. I put on a pleasant expression. Now I look more like I feel. What is going on?

I think it's partly an introverted thing. Introverts get entirely lost in their own thoughts. Lost and unaware. The awareness that is lost expresses itself across the face. Resting Bitch Face. I think it's that simple.

Gah - I get headaches sometimes worrying about shit like this. Self-awareness woman!

I found this fantastic article about introverts on playfullytacky.com that I could have written. 

Originally found here.

Things You Should Know About Introverts

1) We need to recharge alone. This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert vs extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds. I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence. I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule for dealing with introverts – don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) Just because we are introverted doesn’t mean we are shy. Introvert and shy are actually two different things.

5) We can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But, here is the thing, I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

6) We aren’t judging you. Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I’m not judging you; I’m just wrapped up in my thoughts with my bitchy-resting-face on. I might have even forgotten you were there. Sorry, just poke me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

7) We secretly love it when you cancel plans. I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

8) We can get very wrapped up in our own thoughts. My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100 percent on top of it!

9) We can be pretty bad at connecting. You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

10) We don’t like to hang around. That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

11) We have strong opinions. Just because I have difficulty sharing them sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. Give me an extra minute to compose my thoughts and I will continue to push myself to speak up sooner. It is a give and take here.

I Left That Where??

I have a lot of devices.

I have my beloved iMac that is beginning to show his age.

I have my new Macbook Pro laptop (kiss kiss). A powerhouse that I will be loading with all of my powerhouse software so I can do my new job on the fly as I've found working at home all the time is kinda lonely and I need the office culture to keep me lovely and smart and plugged in. This sweetie is gorgeous and I am in love with it.

I have my iPad. I didn't love my iPad at first. I kinda thought it was crazy to have, yet, another thing to manage. I have found that it's a great resource and very portable for my transient ways at the moment. My scary-genius boss set up my work email on this little baby so I have to keep it close. Pup got me a keyboard that holds it and then snaps onto as a cover. That really clinched the deal for me. I hated that touchscreen. My brain loves to work fast; when it's working.

Last, but not least, is my phone. I stopped bitching about it (finally) and find it lovely. Samsung, love has grabbed me, beat me over the head, and left me a slave to you. #overstatingismylife

Why am I talking about these life-helpers? I have a hard time managing everything!

First: the email. I have email everywhere. I have five email accounts for differing reasons. Jobs, transitioning, blog. All five of them are necessary. And all five of them come in on every device. Gah!

It doesn't stop me from losing emails. Forgetting emails. Over-answering emails. Under-answering emails. I am in email overload. I think it's my fault.

Then there is Facebook. I have been goofing with it for the past year and have found it fun and have found it a time suck as maybe some of you with Facebook have found it.

I open Facebook on my iMac, I open it on my Macbook, I open it on my iPad, I open it on my phone. I forget to shut it down. I'm sure if anyone is looking, and I'm pretty certain no one is, it looks like I'm on all the time. #fail

And the pinging. If I don't watch it, all of these things are chiming, pinging, ringing, nagging. Pup will say, "Was that you? Which one is it?" He's no better. He has lots of devices as well.

It's a dinging hell around here. And I'm not even adding in the appliances that ding and ping.

I could turn them all off and sometimes do. Turn off all the sounds that pop out of them. The quiet is good!

How do you guys manage all that you do? Am I missing an app? Don't tell me about it! But do tell me how you manage your stuff.

Fear of Falling

Age, 26 - this girl was not often afraid

Pup was out of town over the weekend golfing with his sister and her family.

I was originally going, but was gently told that crappy golfers like myself are not welcome on the courses these good golfers would be going to. I was going to hang out on the cart and I don't know what else.

As it turned out I was unexpectedly scheduled to work and had to bow out. So I stayed home and had fun in spite of myself.

:)

I am a crappy golfer. Worse than a crappy golfer.

Part of it is intimidation. Which kinda pisses me off. Why would I allow myself to be intimidated?

I've asked Pup to golf with me, but bottom line I can see that he isn't that into helping a newbie. Or it's me projecting my fears. I don't know!

I don't even exactly know what I'm working through in this moment.

Because if I don't take care of my fears who will? I do have lots of fears that I have to plow through. All the time. Sometimes I am really good at it. I can rear right up into the face of it and holler! Other times I sidestep the fear like the crab (Cancer per my horoscope!) I am.

So . . . let my fears pile up? Hunt a few down and do them in?

I'm not just talking golf here people.

This week I will load my rifle and get me some fear. I will hang the heads on my wall and feel boastful that I killed that one . . . and that one . . . and that one.


You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
~ Elbert Hubbard

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.
~ Gandhi

Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears.
~ Rudyard Kipling

Both Sides Now

New hat for this summer's lot parties?

I sleep hot.

Sounds rather provocative doesn't it?

It adds to my insomnia.

I wake early - sometimes I can talk myself into falling back asleep. But I know that there is something very seductive about the early morning. Especially in the summer.

From both sides of it.

When I was dating my Wasband I was in my early 20s. We had a huge group of friends and most every Thursday evening, especially in the summer, after we had gotten off from work at 12:30 a.m., we'd run over to the local pub, slam down a couple of cocktails, then meet in the parking lot to figure out what we were going to do next.

We were young, had been cooped up for hours indoors, and had some steam that needed letting out.

So we'd head to a spot either by the airport or down by the river. Both places had great potential. Lot parties we would call these. Impromptu. Beer fueled. Music ruled. Lots of music. Loud music.

Many times it was my classic Mustang with the Jensen speakers I would pull out of my back seat and place on the roof of my car that would provide our music.

We'd gather in groups, laughing, talking, singing, dancing. Sometimes we'd have a fire. Sometimes we'd have a dance floor. Just depended.

Someone always had a cooler or two of beer in their trunk. A few more enterprising and planfull people (girls!) would have brought a bottle, ice, and some mix.

I'm a great singer/dancer. I am! My hugest delight is that our generation was not a YouTube generation and there is no video evidence of just how great I REALLY am. Because we all know the answer to that one. Some things need to stay in our memories. Not messed up with the reality of what really was.

So I'd sing and dance my way through the evening. Annoying everyone around me. Luckily many of those around me loved me and thought me charming. Maybe I was charming. Yes, sometimes I was charming.

Late nights soon become early morning. Especially here in Minnesota. The sun begins to come up way too early. At least for young uns dancing and drinking until all hours.

I'd always get a bit sad and introspective when the sun would begin to come up. We'd put away our coolers, I'd take down my speakers. The sudden quiet was always both known and unknown. Every time it was different. We both loved it and wanted it to go away.

But there it always was. Every time smiling its new and shiny face on us. What was this day going to bring?

We'd hug and say goodbye to everyone - all those people I loved. We'd go home, some of us together, some of us alone, and sleep the day away.

Now I wake up when the sun is beginning the day. It's just as lovely. I'm just as introspective. I can't resist the early morning allure can I?

It's just as good on this side.

You'll Never Regret Saying It

My luggage coming home from Mexico. I'm lucky customs didn't put a tag on me.

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. 
~ Author Unknown

If I know what love is, it is because of you.
~ Herman Hesse

Hell is the inability to love.
~ Leo Tolstoy

If you love someone, be brave enough to tell them, otherwise, be brave enough to watch them be loved by someone else.
~ Unknown


A woman I used to work with when I had my corporate job came into The Turnstyle yesterday. She is 42. Getting married for the first time. And pregnant!

I hugged her while crying because isn't that the best? The very very best?

She is a GORGEOUS girl and I thought my heart would burst it was so happy.

Hug who you love today.

Never pass up a chance to say how you feel.

Tumbleweeds

Yeah, what would I do without google images?

Don't know what that's about, but that's what is going on in my head. So, I'm empty in the brain.

It could be what's going on around here, which is very exciting! But it's all encompassing. And overwhelming. That's good.

Or it could be our trip to Idaho. That trip was eye opening. I miss my dad and while I'm so happy he is happy, I hate that he's getting older and living so far away. Where he lives is not an easy place to get too. It's not like you can just hop on a plane and get there quickly and cheaply. It's an expensive plane trip and a long plane trip and even then you are still 25 miles from where they live. Difficult.

It's good. It's sad. It's the reality.

Meanwhile, here I am. With the tumbleweeds.

What's in your head?

Intentions

I had every intention . . .

of making my bed

of exercising today

of not eating that fourth empanada

of making that call

of walking George

of taking my vitamins

of swapping out my seasonal clothes

of shaving my legs

of drinking my eight glasses of water

of making a new plan Stan

of getting on the bus Gus

of putting on a happy face


Yes, I have been known to wallow in it a bit. It's my Cancerian nature I've been told. And who doesn't like to wallow just a teeny bit from time to time?

It's not pleasant. I caught a glimpse of my face in a store mirror the other day when I wasn't expecting it and, hey! Is that me? I look so crabby! Your face is going to stay that way!

When I'm driving I'm looking to pick a fight with other drivers. Really? You want to do that? I can run your ass off the road quicker than I can say dumbass.

What are your intentions?