Thursday, August 7, 2014

"You Are a Bitch!" "No, That's Just My Face."

I have resting-bitch-face. I didn't know this was a thing. I knew something was wrong with my face (easy there . . .) a long time ago, but until I actually saw this phrase I didn't know what to call it!

It catches me off guard at times. I'm happily in, say, Target. Shopping, putting crap in my cart, wandering around in the office supply area (obsessed), or looking for 3 oz cups for the bathroom (where the hell are they anyway??) when I catch sight of my face in an unexpected mirror.

Aaah! There is my face. Frowning. Brow wrinkled. Mouth turned down. It always catches me off guard. I look closer into the mirror. There it is. The face. The face I'm presenting. What is going on? I'm happy in this moment. I'm wandering and thinking and shopping. Why the face?

I look again. I adjust my posture. I relax my face. I put on a pleasant expression. Now I look more like I feel. What is going on?

I think it's partly an introverted thing. Introverts get entirely lost in their own thoughts. Lost and unaware. The awareness that is lost expresses itself across the face. Resting Bitch Face. I think it's that simple.

Gah - I get headaches sometimes worrying about shit like this. Self-awareness woman!

I found this fantastic article about introverts on playfullytacky.com that I could have written. 

Originally found here.


Things You Should Know About Introverts

1) We need to recharge alone. This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert vs extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds. I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence. I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule for dealing with introverts – don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) Just because we are introverted doesn’t mean we are shy. Introvert and shy are actually two different things.

5) We can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But, here is the thing, I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

6) We aren’t judging you. Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I’m not judging you; I’m just wrapped up in my thoughts with my bitchy-resting-face on. I might have even forgotten you were there. Sorry, just poke me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

7) We secretly love it when you cancel plans. I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

8) We can get very wrapped up in our own thoughts. My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100 percent on top of it!

9) We can be pretty bad at connecting. You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

10) We don’t like to hang around. That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

11) We have strong opinions. Just because I have difficulty sharing them sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. Give me an extra minute to compose my thoughts and I will continue to push myself to speak up sooner. It is a give and take here.

8 comments:

Love and Shenanigans said...

LOL. Oh, how well I understand the resting bitch face since I am generally pondering something which requires GREAT thinking powers which requires a frown.

And I don't know WHERE the hell they keep those bathroom glasses. Did they stop making them this century?

Ms. A said...

Me too, Deborah... me too.

Ray Denzel said...

Well, you are pretty so it must work 😁

Danielle L. Green said...

' don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk'

This right here. My daughter is an introvert and gets harped on all the time. I feel like why does she have to talk to you. Maybe she doesn't like you. Or as she says, "Maybe I just don't have anything to say."

deb-oh-rah said...

I get told I'm too quiet all the time. Or complete strangers will come up to be and say "smile!" At work meetings, or just conversations among a group, I have lots to say, in my head, but very often don't express myself. Or sometimes my "inner monologue" goes off-topic - especially bad at a meeting. In my job, I'm not part of any department/team so it's doubly hard to make connections with people. I can head a meeting or give a presentation, but it's not my strong suit. In fact, I will call on other introverts if they haven't said anything to get their opinions because I know they are probably looking for an opening to speak. I know how it is.

T said...

“Introverts get entirely lost in their own thoughts. Lost and unaware. The awareness that is lost expresses itself across the face. Resting Bitch Face.

“We need to recharge alone

“My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while.

“We can be pretty bad at connecting.”

Wow. I feel as if I’ve just had a sorely-needed counseling session. These are all facets of my character that I’m constantly second-guessing. Sweet! I’m getting a green light today, that necessary "I’m okay, you’re okay,”and I'm suddenly validated

BTW, I have that exact same Resting Bitch Face. I see it all the time and cringe a little.

How bad is it? Well, it must be pretty bad for people to come up to me after seeing me in the courtroom do my steno thing I do, and later say to me, “You look so serious,” (I think they were being kind/diplomatic) or “You never smile!”

Smile? In the courtroom while taking down steno? REALLY???

Deborah said...

You guys, you know what is interesting about all of this? Men rarely get asked why they don't smile. Women are expected to be sunny, bright, and friendly. Fuck that shit! lol!

Two steps forward and one step back.

Although there is nothing that I'd rather be - meaning I love being a woman.

Karen Ann said...

I think it's safe to say I will not ever be accused of being too quiet, LOL. HOwever, I know that face well.. mine is the "looks like you have a headache" face. the furrowed brow thing.