Ring Around the Rosey - We All Fall Up

Fall has always felt more like the beginning of the year for me. With fall fashion for us to check out and the fall organizing and buttoning up of all things summer it seems like a great place to begin a new thought.

Years and years ago I had a thread on a forum-type place (I got kicked off! ha! So did my friend T! I don't know what we did - something horrible! No we didn't, but we did get kicked off.) named Wrecking Ball. But now that term has been overtaken by a young 'un singer so I need a new phrase - hmm . . . My youngest daughter mentioned a few months ago in passing that she was having the Year of Lorenzo. I like that. I kept saying a year ago that it was my Last Good Summer because the following summer I was turning a certain age, ahem, and life as I know it would be over. Of course it isn't, but I am dramatic. Life isn't. IT ISN'T!

Maybe "They're All Good Summers" or "I'm Forever in Summer" or "Summer is my Middle Name." How about "Forever Fall?"

I'll think a minute longer.

I like beginnings. The thinking, the plotting, the progress charting, the checklists.

Time to turn on the fireplace. Time to make stew. Time to organize our office. Time to bring the kitties home from the lake. Time to begin.

Squeeky in love

Me in love

Love in space

Puppers love

"You Are a Bitch!" "No, That's Just My Face."

I have resting-bitch-face. I didn't know this was a thing. I knew something was wrong with my face (easy there . . .) a long time ago, but until I actually saw this phrase I didn't know what to call it!

It catches me off guard at times. I'm happily in, say, Target. Shopping, putting crap in my cart, wandering around in the office supply area (obsessed), or looking for 3 oz cups for the bathroom (where the hell are they anyway??) when I catch sight of my face in an unexpected mirror.

Aaah! There is my face. Frowning. Brow wrinkled. Mouth turned down. It always catches me off guard. I look closer into the mirror. There it is. The face. The face I'm presenting. What is going on? I'm happy in this moment. I'm wandering and thinking and shopping. Why the face?

I look again. I adjust my posture. I relax my face. I put on a pleasant expression. Now I look more like I feel. What is going on?

I think it's partly an introverted thing. Introverts get entirely lost in their own thoughts. Lost and unaware. The awareness that is lost expresses itself across the face. Resting Bitch Face. I think it's that simple.

Gah - I get headaches sometimes worrying about shit like this. Self-awareness woman!

I found this fantastic article about introverts on playfullytacky.com that I could have written. 

Originally found here.

Things You Should Know About Introverts

1) We need to recharge alone. This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert vs extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds. I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence. I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule for dealing with introverts – don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) Just because we are introverted doesn’t mean we are shy. Introvert and shy are actually two different things.

5) We can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But, here is the thing, I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

6) We aren’t judging you. Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I’m not judging you; I’m just wrapped up in my thoughts with my bitchy-resting-face on. I might have even forgotten you were there. Sorry, just poke me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

7) We secretly love it when you cancel plans. I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

8) We can get very wrapped up in our own thoughts. My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100 percent on top of it!

9) We can be pretty bad at connecting. You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

10) We don’t like to hang around. That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

11) We have strong opinions. Just because I have difficulty sharing them sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. Give me an extra minute to compose my thoughts and I will continue to push myself to speak up sooner. It is a give and take here.

Be Thankful, Even for the Mess

Thanksgiving came and went. Pup and I watched movies yesterday nearly non-stop. Some of the mess from the previous days activities still hanging around in The Big Room. It really looked so lovely at the beginning of the day Thursday.

But I didn't take any photos.

"Momma! You haven't taken any photos today." My Bella said at the end of the day.

I was in the kitchen mostly. In the kitchen doing a bit of damage control. My friend AB was helping me thank god and thank you AB. The aftermath of a big meal is sometimes horrendous! I walk in there and think, "F- it. I'm moving." Mostly because I just don't know where to start.

But you do. Start that is. And it gets cleaned up. I'm kinda getting why my own momma was tiring of having holidays after a while. So much work. And it feels, just a little bit, like no one cares.

It made me cranky. Not thankful. Kinda bitchy. "Vicious!" Pup always says. He loves a vicious-woman he says. I know he doesn't really think I'm vicious. But I am cranky.

So, pour me a drink and I'll clean the damn kitchen. Bah!

:)

This little dude was there making everything worth it.

Yes, he really is that beautiful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pup and I are starting to poke around for something on a lake or river. Just a little chunk of something. For later. For now. No, despite my exclamation up there ^ we are not moving. I just like to kvetch.

Because I have to embrace all that I am. And right now I'm whining.

I'm also tired of the kinda Facebook life everyone is leading. You know what I mean; either everyone is perfect and happy and never needing to clean their house or a shower or they're politicking, passive-agressiving (which I am the queen of), leaving cryptic "words of wisdom" all over the f-ing place, or simply saying stupid stuff. Oh, I do it too! Don't let me get away with pretending I don't! That place is kinda a swamp. The smart ones lurk and sit down.

I'm not really this vicious in real life. I just like to play one on the internet.

indulging my vintage in my office

I do think I worry too much about what is right and what is thought. Yesterday I was poking around at one of my favorite poke-around shops and I was feeling pressured by a few people behind me that were wanting to be standing where I was standing. Sometimes, most times, I might move to let them in. Yesterday I widened my stance, shot one of them a small smile, and finished my browsing in the section I was in.

I felt amazing. Not aggressive. Not bitchy. I just felt empowered for a minute. There are ways to be effective without being bitchy Deborah.

Whooooo ya!

It's day three of the long weekend. What are you doing today?

Let's Have a Kiki

I am obsessed with the Scissor Sister's song, Let's Have a Kiki. Obsessed!

*warning - graphic images and language (it's not that bad, but you gotta protect those that need protecting.)

I cannot stop listening to it.

Of course I was a bit confused regarding the meaning of Kiki. Originally I thought party. Then I came to realize it is a word, similar to our much beloved F-word, that can mean anything - driven by the person saying Kiki. Whatever makes you happy. Be it a party, sexy-time, a boy, a girl, a cocktail. If it makes you happy, it's a Kiki.

Necessary or unnecessary background for weekend story.

I went to Rice Lake to visit my friends that have a home on the lake. Peaceful, lovely, warm and calm in the summer and crisp and frozen in the winter. A small small town, but always fun when I go see my oldest and dearest friend, Deb-oh-rah.

When I go to Rice Lake we go auctioning, antiquing, junking. More fun than I deserve.

On this evening we take the pontoon to town to have dinner and a few cocktails.

After dinner we decide to go to the Lions and use Mikey's secret card (not so secret - I just wanted to say that) to gain entrance, and have a delicious cocktail overlooking the lake.

A large group come in. A group that has been having fun all day. Their energy is good! Laughing, story-telling, hitting-each-other-on-the-back fun.

One woman raises her glass and adds onto a story that we have missed the beginning of . . .

"Ladies - how many of you have had to get up in the middle of the night to pee because, in your past, you pushed babies out of your vagina?"

Rowdy laughter!

I mutter under my breath, "Not me, I do my kegels religiously."

Several woman are adding to her inquiry. Much talk about big-headed babies and the mystery of women.

I stand, swept up in the camaraderie of the moment, raise my glass of whiskey and diet, and declare, "Bow to the power of the vagina!"

Dead, cold silence. Picture about two dozen heads swung my way.

I sit and giggle a little. Mikey busts out laughing, Deb laughs a bit nervously.

I take a sip of my cocktail. The bar recovers.

Blurting just may be my Kiki!

Reason #481 . . .

why I'm surprised men even live with women . . .

Me - blah blibbity blah blah . . . wah wah wah . . . drone drone drone . . .

Pup - in and out of earshot . . . in room and then back out of room . . .

Me - laughing . . .

Pup - back in room with me; laughing

Pup - You know, I left the office, went into the utility room, came back, and you were still talking.

Me - blank stare

Me - laughter

Me - Yeah, but you'd be so sad if I didn't live here and drive you insane every day.

Pup - Maybe . . .


Then I told him to get the hell out and go to work.

He left.

I'm still laughing.

Embarrassing

I have received the celebrated and coveted Oh My Blog award.

Of course, there are conditions attached. The one that seemed achievable for me is telling an embarrassing tale.

As you may guess, I have many. I have said more than once that "freak magnet" must be sparking off of my aura because that is what I attract. Maybe freak is harsh. Let's call them INTERESTING.

Examples:

• The guy who, out of dozens of cars on the freeway, chose me to drive next to and show me his wiener while he was MASTURBATING! Umm, yeah. I won a prize telling that story on a local radio show.
• The guy who followed me around several tag sales (a street was having a neighborhood collaboration) and at the third sale, sidled up to me while I was checking out a couple of event pompoms stating, "I bet you have a nice cheerleading outfit at home you should try on for me." Aaaah! I won another prize from the same radio station telling that story as well.
• How about the guy that pinched my nipples at a club stating, "Oh! Look how the little rascals like me"!
• And who can forget the guy on a city bus that showed my daughter and I how his shirt pulled on his underarm hairs and how much that bothered him.
• This one isn't that creepy, but I found it interesting because I do believe he was walking to his car after a Promise Keepers rally. He was walking behind me as we walked to our cars (I was going home after work) and as he passed me he whispered in my ear, "I bet your husband is a happy man."

I guess these aren't as embarrassing as they are INTERESTING; to me anyway. :P

I have to say though, that the memory that really sprang into my mind when I thought about the most embarrassing moment is the time I was exiting a city bus.

I had on a summer skirt that wrapped around and fastened in the front with two ties. The skirt was longish and as I stepped down the bus steps, the hem of my skirt brushed on the step above me.

A woman behind me accidentally stepped on my hem and as I walked away my skirt was totally RIPPED OFF OF ME. On a downtown Minneapolis corner. At 8:00 in the morning.

There I stood for a brief second in my pink and white lacies. Oh dear god, I am turning red just remembering this. I grabbed up my skirt, tucked it around me as effectively as I could, and walked with head down quickly quickly to my office.

I was never so happy to get to work and find a safety pin.