Saturday, November 25, 2017

Cancer is Inappropriate

My daughter has breast cancer.

She's 35 years old.

I know what to do and I don't know what to do. It's awful, terrible, fucked up. I have so many thoughts around all of it, yet I'm frozen. Frozen because this belongs to her. The feelings belong to her and yet I have them. I don't know what to do. I frantically try to not hijack her grief. What do I do with my grief? It seems selfish to have this grief. But I'm her momma. It never stops; the needing to make the hurts go away.

I try to cry when no one knows. I've watched people back away from my neediness. People just don't know what to say. I say that's okay. It's not okay. Word of advice to anyone reaching out to someone in their lives that needs solace - please do not say the fucking words that god never gives you more than you can handle. This is pure bullshit. Tell yourself this when it's your child having both of her breasts removed. Tell me how you feel then. I'll understand and never say that to you.

So I'm wallowing in my horrible grief. Not talking about it, yet lashing out in unexpected places. Isolating in my grief. Eating inappropriately. Acting inappropriately. All out inappropriate.

I have people I could talk to. I don't want to talk to them. I'm so angry. This surprises me. I'm even mad at my daughter a bit. Fucked up momma!

There are things I know about being a woman. Things that aren't being talked about. Breasts are part of being a woman. I don't mean in that fucked up way that has made breasts a marketing thing, but they are part of us in all the things that are important and not important compared to cancer.

Breasts are the first thing a boy will tentatively touch when you're kissing and kissing and tumbling around before you ever have sex. Then, when you have sex finally, they are a huge part of feeling sexy. Being sexy. Feeling desire. Feeling desired. Reaching orgasm. All of that. They feel heavy and they feel light as feathers. We lead with them and we distract with them and we hide them. All of that.

They change when we have babies. We feed our babies. They ache when our baby cries. They might be the first clue we're pregnant. We love them through our babies.

I grieve for that part for my daughter. Not that it's that fucking important, but yes, it is important. I don't have the right words for this. I don't have my thoughts in order. They may never be in order again.

My daughter is in the middle of all this shit. The ride for her is just beginning. I have more than hope that the outcome is going to be good. She's strong as shit. She doesn't know how strong she is. If you only knew how strong she is. Beyond this fucking cancer I'll tell you that.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Lake Life

I'm at the lake.

We bought a lake house a couple of years ago and for the second year had the girls and some of their friends here for my birthday and anniversary event. Last year we attempted to have a big shindig that I dubbed The Shindig, but mostly only the young uns came to celebrate with us. The older crowd either doesn't have good feelings around sharing a bed in a dorm-like space, day-drinking like we're 35, or other reasons I'd rather not explore.

😁  -    that is the creepiest emoji I've seen!

So . . . since it's my birthday month and since I actually say childlike things like "birthday month" I am here until the middle of July more or less.

My sweet Pup left last night and won't be back for four days.

I like being here on my own.

So today all I did was laundry (Lots of guest laundry! The only downside to having company), dishes, cleaned out the fridge (oy to the things people leave!), floor mopping, and I took a long needed shower.

And since it rained most of the day I hung out on YouTube, watched movies, watched CNN on a Fire Stick, groused about the current state of politics, and ate a few inappropriate leftovers (grrr!), and nursed my bad knee.

It's lovely here. Quiet and serene. We have a momma deer and her baby frolicking through the yard from time to time and catching a glimpse of them is the BEST. I'd love to catch a photo of them, but enjoy them in the moment even more than reaching for my phone.

A few weeks ago Pup was mowing and found the brand new fawn cuddled up against the back of our garage. He made me call the DNR to make certain the baby wasn't abandoned and sure enough the momma will leave the baby in a safe place and go out and do momma things. Then the momma will return and move the baby. We saw the baby cuddled up near a tree line on our other property the next day. And now the baby is running with her/his long legs after the momma. Glorious to see.

I guess I don't have any message here. Although messages are not necessary are they? It's a great summer as it bounds along. Always lovely.


Sunday, June 18, 2017

Here's What I Love About Life

I recently had to switch clinics, and while dreading this, it has turned out great. Change really can be good! So I was at a yearly physical with a new doctor and she was going over my files and getting to know me and asking a great many questions.

"Do you smoke?"
"How much do you drink?"
"When was your last tetanus shot?"
"Do you have any allergies?"
"Does your husband treat you good?"

I'm answering away - answers flying out of my mouth easily.

"I quit in 1997"
"A few cocktails 2-3 times a month"
"I don't know!"
"Pain killers (weird I know)"
"He's my sweetie, he's my husband"

The last answer shot out of my mouth so fast it made both of us laugh! I loved how she slipped that in there and it worked perfectly. It was my true and real answer.

My Pup and I met in 2005 - both of us divorced from our first spouses. We married in 2009. Our 8th anniversary is coming on June 25 - which is crazy! - and when I left that doctor's office I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day.

That answer popped out my mouth in true and real fashion.

I read an article recently that said people you love can make you yawn along with them far more often than people you don't love. I'm yawning a lot since 2005.

xxoo my people!

Friday, November 4, 2016

Still Crazy After All These Years

I've been obsessed.

It is part of my particular contiguous nature - meaning, in my head anyway, the pieces of myself that do form the whole. You know, the sum of the parts is greater than the whole.


Yes, I think I mean that.

But, obsessed still. This is a long way of saying I do have an obsessive nature. So the latest in my obsessions is YouTube. The beginnings of this, as many of my obsessions, comes from my early morning rumblings and wanderings on the internet. It was bound to happen - so many times when a thing is researched that search will lead you to YouTube.

So now I'm finding myself down rabbit hole after rabbit hole. One subject with dozens and dozens of answers. I dig in!

  • How to apply makeup, tightlining in particular
  • How to create a messy bun
  • How to pick an organizing system
  • How to clean dirty grout
  • How to make perfect coffee
  • How to have the loveliest skin
  • How to set up your 2017 agenda

Nothing earth shattering, but everything orbiting in my obsessions. I'm discovering that no matter how much of a nut I believe my doings and oooings, refoldings and holdings, disciplines and lack of disciplines - there is someone out there nuttier than I could dream of being.

Such comfort!

Is that bad?

And the community of women! Lovely lovely women! Talented, smartly spoken, beautiful, kind, knowledgable, sharing women. My search list is varied and long. I'm obsessed!

I think I want to join them.

I do confess things in my hidden delightful place, this blog. Because it's out here in scary, scary land, but it's also everyman's land. The land that time has forgotten. Because we don't, for the most part, read more than headlines (I'm not counting all of us book readers) so the actual words written here in this hidden place are safe and camouflaged. And I love a disguise!

Bisou my beauties.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

I'm Still Hungry

Two and a half and stinkin cute.
What is it about getting older that has you taking your own inventory each and every day? I haven't figured if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It certainly is a thing!

Steadfast in my thinking, wishy-washy in my beliefs. tender-feelinged in more than a few moments. I feel as though I'm "working" on all of this always and forever. Is this good? Sheesh! The things out of my control are the things that are out of my control! Stuck and stymied. Yuck and ish!

The Daily Gratitude List

Todays is this:
  • healthy
  • family is healthy
  • more often than not happy
  • when not happy I dig deep to find the facts of it
I was recently at a family event and a few members (Pup's family I should say) were saying that they are blah blah age and don't have to try anything new if they don't want to. I said, out loud as my bad luck would have it, that if I didn't have a desire to learn or try new things when given an opportunity or even seek out those opportunities, I would be sad each and every day!

The people I know that are older and happiest are the ones that are still learning. 

Raise your glass of tequila (or your beverage of choice) and give me a "hell yeah!"

Thursday, December 31, 2015


I used to LOVE blogging. It didn't matter who was listening or what I said or where I was.

Then it dried up. I didn't have any more to say. If you knew me you'd say, "Liar! You say plenty and you say it often!"

Yeah, that's true, but I'm not talking about my inappropriate yapping. Not that I do that!

::insert emoji with hands on her face, head tilted, innocent look:: (I'm really beginning to hate emojis)

Yeah, I do that sometimes. In fact, this past summer while up at the lake, early on when we were settling in, we had our dear friends over. They were helping us unpack and everything else! We were in the living room taking a break and we were talking and laughing about who knows. I made a joke about my blurting (for some reason) and my friend did her own blurt, "You should stop! Some day you're going to get stabbed!"

We all fell out laughing, but I've thought about that from time to time. I do blurt at times. And I talk about how I blurt. It seems I'm not alone with the blurting, but, probably because I talk about it too much, my blurting gets noticed. Or I'm just much worse than I think.

I didn't mean to get on here and blurt about blurting!

Maybe I did though.
I am blessed!
I've been on a research-binge the past few weeks. I'm always on the hunt for the reasons behind my problems. I won't go into the exact nature of my problems although that might be a good thing to write about eventually. A purging if you will. And maybe a good place to organize these thoughts. Because you know when the thoughts are wild I can't get no relief.

Frankly, that was the start for the research-binge. I have insomnia to a degree. For years now. I read over and fucking over how nothing is going to align with the gods in my life if I don't get the sleeping fixed. But how? I've done everything believe me. With varying degrees of success. Nothing ever everlasting.

I found a great doctor a few years ago that is helping me get balance (love him to death!). I found him just in the nick of time too I think. I was beginning to careen off road emotionally and inappropriately and that feeling is horrible. And as a woman of my age coping with these horrendous mood swings, the racing and negative thoughts, the inability to ever lose the weight I want, and the hot flashes! Holy shit the flashes. I was working retail at the time and I swear I was having at least 20-30 during a shift. I noticed them the most there because I was out in the public. Nothing more attractive than a sweaty woman helping you find an outfit or ringing up your purchase. Gah

So I found my lovely doctor and we have that part so much under control. I have maybe one or two a day! Oh blessed relief.

But no help on the insomnia.

Now, I'm not laying night after night awake like a zombie (is that what zombies do? I never jumped on the zombie wagon!), but I do not stay asleep. When those eyes pop open at 3 o'clock it's a sad sad morning.

So I fall asleep in odd places during the day. Often in the afternoons when I'm watching the sweet little Spud (he's 2 years-old now!) I'll sit down in the living room "for a minute" and oftentimes fall asleep. Dr. S says this is good. Naps are good for your heart. But I feel like I should be DOING something. You know? Not napping.

But, in addition to that, I fall asleep at the movies. Pup and I LOVE going to the movies. And there I am, asleep. We went to one recently and I gave up, rolled on my side (theatre had those lounge chairs), covered up with my pashmina, and took a $15 nap. wth

I am laughing so hard to myself right now! I didn't think I had anything to say and all of this is rolling out like silky sand.

So - long story short - or maybe just the tease of the beginning of this f-ing story - I'm sick of all this shit. Sick of knowing something is amiss.

So - while poking around for something else (isn't that always the way?) I stumbled on a vlog of a guy talking (he's not just a guy, he's a chiropractor) about this thing and that thing.

He had a little test and one of the questions was, "Do you have an intolerance of stupid people? Do you holler at people in traffic? Does no one do things right in your book? Do you walk in a room and only see the one thing out of place instead of all the in-place items?

I was dumbfounded by these questions. I thought I was just an asshole. I didn't know there could be a thing going on.


I love this shit. I really do!

Apologies for all the swearing. That just flowed out like sewage, but maybe it was clogging my sweet innards. Heh!

So . . . here I am . . . looking for answers as I always am. I will report back.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Filling All My Dreams

Absolutely no artwork up anywhere, but here are a few shots around the loft and of the new ceiling fans Pup installed.

I'll be tweaking forever from now on. It's always fun searching for stuff. I have a few ideas for the living room walls.

No more nipple lights. Anyone that has seen newer construction knows what I'm talking about. Bam! Gone!
Our bedroom. We're sleeping on a queen sized bed. It's cozy!
Loft bunk beds. 
That futon turns into a double bed. 
View from top of stairs.
Guest room. When Bella and Spud are here it's their room. 
Living Room - Pup's bachelor couch reestablished 

Monday, August 24, 2015

What Are You Waiting For?

With the excitement of buying the cabin, we knew we wanted a boat. A few family members and friends thought we could wait until next year because the season is so old, but we were hellbent to get one. Now. So we did.

A pontoon. Super cute. Super huge. Super learning curve!

Our cabin is on 3800 acres of lakes. A huge chain of lakes. We're located at the bottom of the chain in a rather marshy spot. Lots of otters, Lots of mushy ick just waiting to get stuck in your outboard. Which happened to us repeatedly.

So endlessly we're checking to see if the engine is peeing. "Is it peeing?" Do you see it peeing?"

We had Mikey with us to help us with the launching, starting, and general learnage of our huge, lovely boat (tentatively named "Flipper." Pup isn't all in on that name. I am.).

It was over 90 degrees and the dewpoints were in the 70s. Yeah, Minnesota/Wisconsin can get hella hot. People from other parts of the country find that hard to believe. But we don't. We were all sweating like whores in church. Oh wait, that's a horrible metaphor. But we was sweatin'. Like everythang. And I sweat the most. Always have. There's just something about a high dewpoint that makes me feel like my skin cannot breath. I'm just damp and sweatin' and miserable.

So we loaded up the boat with all of us, Pup, me, Lorenzo, Bella, Spud, Lorenzo's friend Rey (who was hungover as hell, poor sweet girl).

We tried to stay in what Larry (former owner) called the "driveway." The place in the marsh where you can see other boats have gone over and over. So there's a path of sorts right through all the wild rice and stuff.

But we got off course and mushed up the motor.

Finally we're out in the great expanse of lakes and Mikey's giving us updates.

"She's not peeing."

"She's only peeing a little."

So we'd stop, poke the peehole with a stick and start off again.

Flipper stops peeing entirely.

We're wondering what to do. So Mikey waves down a couple of young men on the shore.

"We have some trouble. Could you tow us to the boat launch? We'd pay for your trouble!"

The boys say sure!

We putt over to their dock. We're discussing what and where and how when a head suddenly appears from above us on the deck. A neat, athletic, head.

"What's the trouble?" He asks.

We explain.

Before you could think about all those whores sweating in church, he bounds down to the dock and leaps onto our boat. A 5'4" bundle of Guido. All muscles, colorful tanktop, athlesure pants, and white Addidas. An ass I could not take my eyes off of. Seriously! We all thought so!

He took charge. Not peeing? Simple! Suck on that thang!

"Boy!" he hollered, "suck on that for these guys."

I laughed to myself thinking, "That's never going to happen . . . "

But it did. His kid sucked on the intake (or whatever the hell it is) and cleared out the muck. Beyond the call. What the hell? How wonderful are these guys?

The athletic, hot, Guido-dad ran down the length of Flipper and made a three foot leap from our boat to the dock. A collective sigh went up from the female portion of the observants (well, maybe it was only me). I think the guys were a bit impressed as well. They would lie if asked wouldn't they?


We putted home happy and peeing like crazy.

As we entered the long driveway leading to our dock we saw people checking us out. Mikey said, "Hi! These guys are new to the lake." And the people replied, "Oh! Larry's people!"

Nice to know we're home. I rather like being "Larry's People."

Saturday, August 22, 2015


This is weekend four at Camp George.
Yes, his head is that large. And hard.

I'm trying out this name for our place. We're liking Camp George so far.

I now have about 1300 square feet of new place filled with what we need. It's a bit shocking to me that so much of what is here at the cabin was found in my house at home. Yes, I am most certainly a hoarder. I'm not ashamed. Take off those judging sunglasses! You know you'd love to be me.  ;)


And then there were the weeks of Craigslist chasing I did. That was rather fun. And exhausting. Craigslist people are crazy. Nuff said about that. And I did lots and lots of thrifting. Thrifting is cool because you do not know what's around the corner until you find it.

Like this spot in the cabin living room.
A $20 leather chair from Craigslist. I think the lovely lady I bought this from just wanted this monster out of her basement. Enter Pup with his freakishly strong self. She kept repeating over and over, "He's so strong!" I know! Freakishly! The table I found at Goodwill for $5. Yeah! I'm serious as a pimple. $5!! The leather ottoman is from a friend's estate sale and there's a much cooler lamp on the table now, but this lamp has found a new home in the cabin loft. Rotate and spin.

Speaking of lamps . . .
I know. An obsession from my past. But I could not resist when I saw this last week. He'll watch over us in the cabin loft!

And you know we need watching.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

We Bought a Zoo

Hey! Long time no annoy!


Rectify people - rectify.


. . . we bought a cabin
The lake is at the top of the photo.

I grew up with a cabin. From around sixth grade or so my family had a cabin on a smallish lake in Wisconsin. They owned it until my youngest daughter was around 18 months or so. Just when we were starting to go back up there! You know, you get to a certain age in your 20s and all that is important to you are your friends, your boyfriend, and what parties you are either throwing or going to.

But then you get married and you want to start hanging around your parents again especially up at the cabin. Sad dad!

But, I did grow up with a cabin. I remember wearing your swimsuit all day. Waterskiing all day. Boating all day. Putting a sweatshirt over your shorts at night. Tangly, lake hair. Playing "Oh Shit" and Cribbage at the large kitchen table at night. Watching my momma drink Gimlets and laughing.

Pup and I wanted that.

Pup grew up much differently than I. He was a city boy. I was a suburb girl until halfway through high school, then my family moved to the cities. But he was city through and through. He jumped fences at golf courses and played. I knew how to dock a large, wooden boat that had a cabin cockpit.

He had a paper route. I babysat. He walked to school a few blocks. I took a school bus. He played baseball in a baseball field. I played baseball in the street. Where the cars dare not drive.

So my city boy now has a cabin.

The city boy and the suburb girl have had a few growing pains regarding the cabin.

We have friends that live near our cabin. They live on a lake all year round. Deb-oh-rah and Mikey have been invaluable to us; teaching us lake life. The part of lake life my parents took care of and I had no idea.

Last week Pup made a run to town to get a bunch of "cabin" crap. A large list of crap. He hit some roadblocks and gave Mikey a call. Mikey showed up and helped Pup troubleshoot a million lake home problems.

Mikey has become a superhero in our house let me tell you.

So I now have "lake" clothes in a closet at the cabin. I have two kitchens. I get to decorate another place in an ironic fashion.

I forget to bring things to the cabin. I forget to bring things home. I love it.

Saturday, June 13, 2015


I've been in one. Maybe for 15 years! It's not a bad mood, yet it's not sugary, sweet goodness if you get me. I know you get me.

I'm in love with living and wish that along with that I'd GET what is and what cannot be. I'm annoyed half of the day and ecstatic the other half. I see things with great clarity, yet cannot put into words clearly what I need to say.


I must be a woman.

Snarky and snarked upon. Obsessed and obsessive.

Oh to say what I mean and mean what I say - without second guessing myself! My poor husband! He's the one that hears the aftermath. I love him! Just yesterday as we were getting ready for a family party, he had offered to vacuum if I'd go with him for pedicures. Yes, that man adores getting peds! And it was wonderful. Relaxing. And now I have cute feet. Plus +

His vacuuming left something to be desired. And even though my house never looks perfect, all I saw were the flaws when he was finished. Woe is me! I am a snark-monster. Keep working on that girl! I am waiting for this revelation that comes with age, but it's not happening! Ha and ha! I am laughing here because I have such clarity after the fact. And blurt in the moment.

Blurting just may be the thing that murders me in the end. I'll blurt to the wrong person in traffic or on the phone or at the grocery store and BAM! You'll read about me in the newspapers. A random act of violence. Only me and the killer will know the truth.

What a rambling going on here! We have a few things happening as everyone does at times and we've gotten good news, waiting for good news, and longing for the good news.

Meanwhile, this happened not long ago -
My beautiful daughter married her much-loved-by-all-who-meets-him man. In Mexico. On the beach. It was perfection and maybe the best time we've had since my first daughter got married six years ago. Now I have two sons along with two daughters.

Congratulations Lorenzo and Randalian!

Monday, March 2, 2015

New Uniform

Spring uniform 2015.

In my head anyway! How LOVELY is this?

Photo from the February 2015 issue of InStyle magazine.

Friday, February 27, 2015

I Love Fashion

You wouldn't know it just by looking at me. Although if you were a fashion-person you might.

On my every day I am fond of a uniform. I work a few days with Pup at our business and, on most days, see just a few people. So my winter uniform has been leggings, a v-neck sweater in a no-color color, boots. A nice watch. A very good bag. A pair of the loveliest earrings that Pup got me for Christmas a few years ago and a thin, gold, lariat necklace. Boom. Done. Every day the same. Looks nice, is comfortable while I'm wrestling with numbers, and suits my chunky-monkey ways these days.

But I love fashion.

I have a designer's eye and somehow have a sense of things that are on the horizon to be the next thing and a sense of things that are going to be past their time. This designer's eye is colored with my personal tastes and views naturally, but there it is.

Like scarves! I love long scarves. Always have. I've worn them for a million years. Suddenly, every time I put one on with an outfit, off it goes. It feels fussy. It feels yesterday. I don't wear it. The scarves in my dressing nook (definitely not a room) hang on their Ikea organizer very sad and underutilized.

And my large, black-framed glasses. I hunted down this look well over four years ago. I still love them but am worried (because of this love) they are getting a tad stale.

At times I miss my corporate job where getting dressed every day was an event. I was seen and it was important and it was fun. Once a manager from a distant department that I casually knew asked me to shop with her and help her with mixing and matching. What fun that was!

I shine in the shop-your-closet event. Mixing and matching and discovering nuances in my and other closets is the most fun.

I worked years ago for a friend at the University of Minnesota. After a few months she asked me to look around the department and said, "Do you see the influence you're had around here?" She saw how a few ideas of mine had found more lives. I remember feeling happy about that!

As I love saying, "I may not be everything, but I sure am something!"

Spring is coming and here is what I'm looking forward to:

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Story from the Z Files

Z means nothing. I'm just not that clever this morning! I was attempting to find a connection between X Files and Z files which could be hard because I'm too lazy to look anything up on the X Files and I never saw one episode. Wha?

Hopefully the story is more entertaining than that sentence.  :)

Yours Truly on phone with friend. We're having a little kiki. I'm hesitating saying my next sentence that is hilariously rolling around in my head. About a particular situation.

Friend says, "If you're worried about going to hell for saying anything, know that you will not be alone."

We FELL out laughing. I am so very easily amused.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Today Was Made for Frosting

Unexpected day with no agenda. Normally a go-to-The-Firm-day, but Pup said a power supply died and we had inexplicably bought computers that have special-order parts so I have no computer at The Firm.

I'm not mad about it.

I have a list in front of me with things that seem to never get done during the week. We'll see how I do today!

It's sleeting outside.

The sun was out yesterday. When it is out we all find happiness simply looking out windows. Spud was here for a short bit yesterday (he was here for a few hours, but slept most of it!) and he and I spent a chunk of time in his room where we lifted the blind so he could look outside and enjoy looking at everything with a bright light. He loves looking out windows! I know he doesn't really understand why we are stuck in the house for the most part.

With that in mind Bella and I took him to the Como Park Conservatory on Sunday. It's a great place to poke about and smell humid air, look at beautiful flowers, listen to water features, and just get away from all the brown and gloomy that is outside right now.

So fun going with Bella and Spud.
Those are little skulls on his t-shirt. Swoon!
That was a remember-it-forever kind of day.

Smooches my hooches.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Sunday, February 1, 2015

The End of an Era - Stolen from Kirky

My yapping sure ended abruptly! I'll have to add a couple of penance-posts because of my lack.

I'm not sure what the heck is going on with me, but I have the start of what just may be, perhaps, my fourth cold in as many months. Gah and ahhh!

But that's not the reasons for my disappearment.

Pup has sold the house that his parents owned since 1960 or so. 55 years! Pup lived in that house only as a child growing up. I'd have to sit and do the math for the many places I lived in as a child.

Pup and I nearly bought it as investment property, but in the end we sold it to a client of ours. He's a money guy and real estate is his thing. He owns many properties around the Twin Cities and either rents the properties or flips. This house he's going to flip.

He works with partners and sent a couple of them out to inspect the house and the offer was proffered, bartered, and accepted. His thing is the money - not the design of the place. His partners evaluate the space, come up with a budget for the updating, and Dan then does his math to discern if this is a win-situation or a skip-it situation.

I love Client-Dan. He and I have had a couple of meetings in my tiny office and I can tell he and his wife would be fun to hang with. Talented, aggressive, fun-loving, and smart as HELL! I get a mind-boner from smart people.

Client-Dan has never even laid eyes on the house. Isn't that crazy?

I don't know his process exactly, but since this is a client I'm thinking he will let me in over there to document a bit for Pup. I'll be curious to see what they'll be doing to modernize the space. It's a modest rambler, but has great bones. Hardwood throughout, potentially three-plus bedrooms, basement has high ceilings, and several years ago all the mechanics were updated - roof, furnace, windows, siding. It will be lovely when complete!

Pup has seven brothers and sisters so there was a good-sized crowd yesterday to empty the house. We had a HUGE dumpster in the driveway, a plan for a local charity to pick up donatable stuff, and a Uhaul to move the one brother that was still living in the house. Pup being the coordinator for all of this. My Pup is the youngest boy, but a rock with this type of stuff. And it's tax season people!

We had moved Momma Betty out of the house two years ago into a lovely apartment in a senior living complex. She kinda went kickin' and screamin' as normal, but now rather loves her new home in her same neighborhood. And even though she is the most introverted introvert I've met she has made a couple of friends and she spends a portion of each day kikiing like the senior-set sometimes likes to do.

Pup and I had toured through the house a week or so ago and had thought it would take two days to empty because 55 years! That's a lot of stuff.

We had the lion's share completed by noon! Teamwork really does make the dream work.

It was an emotional day for several of of the family. It was very emotional for Pup.

He and I took the family kitchen table. A very very old (I couldn't make out any markings on the fly, but will check again), solid, round, oak, pedestal table that has four chairs from the 80s with it. Perfect! We're buying a cabin after tax season is over and we thought it would be perfect to sit at his family table playing games like he did as a child and young adult.

I packed up and cleared out all the kitchen cupboards. As I was working I was thinking about Momma in that kitchen doing her kitcheny thing and wondering what thoughts she had as a momma for her children. What thoughts did she have for herself? What were her passions and how did she want to change the world.

We might not think it, but I believe all of us want to change the world in our way. We might not even know that's what we're thinking, but our scent is left with everything we do.

As I worked I thought about what my children would think of me in a similar scenario. Would they shake their heads at choices I had obviously made? What scent would I leave?

I'm hoping cinnamon. That's a lovely scent and has the promise of a baked good.

How you superbowling?

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Sleeping with the Television On

That's never a good thing. I fall asleep every night with the television on. Lately while watching Hot Bench, my new obsession. These three judges are so adorable! Especially when one of the judges says, "We've reached our decision," with her Brooklyn (I think?) accent.

It's Pup's busy time of year. Now that we own our own biz and I'm involved a bit I'll be working more in a few weeks or so (I'm there at the office a few days a week during the day), but right now Pup is the talent and works longer hours. He loves what he does and frankly doesn't mind having to work long hours during the dark and cold winter. He always says he has the best job ever. All summer long with an easier schedule and time to relax and have fun.

But right now he's very busy. Meetings with clients, pre-work, doing the groundwork for future weeks of work.

So I'm a bit of a winter-widow.

Which doesn't bother me at all! Occasionally I'll head out to hang out, but mostly I'm home doing this or that. Taking a bath. Laundry.

My favorite thing to do around 8 or 8:30 is head upstairs to our loft with a cup of sleepy tea, putz around doing things up there, put on my jammies, get ready for bed, then hop in it with magazines, a book (that I might read for five minutes),  and a few episodes of Hot Bench or Bewitched (still!).

Pup gets home around 8:30 so he comes and hangs out for a few and then heads down to The Big Room to relax for a bit.

By 9 or 9:30 I'm sleepy. During the winter months I have a hard time staying awake by 9 or so. It's been dark for hours by this point and cozy is all I want to be.

What an exciting time I'm having! Heh!

What a rambling post here.

Oh yeah . . . sleeping with the television . . . not good. Pup comes to bed probably around 11 or so and turns the damn thing off for us luckily.

We do live in an interesting part of the country. As I've said, it's very very dark around this time of the year, yet in the summer months it's light outside until nearly 10:00 p.m! Those months it is very difficult to get to bed! Who wants to go to bed when it is light outside still!

This is why we are all so crazy flexible and congenial. Hehehe!

How you sleepin'?

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Why Do We Believe Men Have No Self-Control?

Blogger Veronica Partridge 

For the past several months, I have been having a conviction weighing heavy on my heart. I tried ignoring it for as long as I could until one day a conversation came up amongst myself and a few others (both men and women). The conversation was about leggings and how when women wear them it creates a stronger attraction for a man to look at a woman’s body and may cause them to think lustful thoughts. God really changed my heart in the midst of that conversation and instead of ignoring my convictions, I figured it was time I start listening to them and take action. 

 I went home later that day and shared the convictions I was having with my husband. Was it possible my wearing leggings could cause a man, other than my husband, to think lustfully about my body? I asked my husband his thoughts on the matter when he got home. I appreciated his honesty when he told me, “yeah, when I walk into a place and there are women wearing yoga pants everywhere, it’s hard to not look. I try not to, but it’s not easy.” 

 I instantly felt conviction come over me even stronger. Not that I wasn’t feeling it earlier, or else I wouldn’t have thought twice about the conversation, but after talking to Dale, it hit me a lot harder. If it is difficult for my husband who loves, honors, and respects me to keep his eyes focused ahead, then how much more difficult could it be for a man that may not have the same self-control? Sure, if a man wants to look, they are going to look, but why entice them? Is it possible that the thin, form-fitting yoga pants or leggings could make a married (or single) man look at a woman in a way he should only look at his wife? 

 And at that moment, I made a personal vow to myself and to my husband. I will no longer wear thin, form-fitting yoga pants or leggings in public. The only time I feel (for myself) it is acceptable to wear them, is if I am in the comfort of my own home or if I am wearing a shirt long enough to cover my rear end. I also want to set the best example of how to dress for my daughter. I want her to know, her value is not in the way her body looks or how she dresses, but in the character and personality God has given her. I have been following the vow I made to myself for the past couple of weeks now and though it may be difficult to find an outfit at times, my conscience is clear and I feel I am honoring God and my husband in the way I dress.


This was making the rounds last week.

Initially I just snorted and thought to myself, "Must be a slow news day."

The more it tumbled around in my brain, the more indignant I became.

I realize this is only one blogger and not the universal thought, yet the fact that it received so much press bothered me.

The message that is screaming at me from all of this is Men Can't Be Held Accountable.

How insulting and frankly, sexist is that thinking? I mean, if a woman is running around in leggings with a shapely backside she is inciting in the heart of men lust, ungodly thoughts, and makes him lose the ability to govern his own thoughts. Because men are just that base, uncontrollable, and childlike.

Why just the backside then? Maybe we should cover our legs at all times as well? A shapely leg can get some men thinking racy thoughts. Or breasts. Just the curve of a breast through a t-shirt or sweater could change a man's day yes? Or feet. A pretty foot could just about make a man or two breathe a little heavier.

What bullshit.

Or reverse this thinking hmm? Women have thoughts as well when they see an attractive man out and about. Whether it's his backside or the curve of his back into his pants or maybe a glimpse of nice abs.

Just when you could believe we are making strides towards a new think crap like this makes the news and I realize that all of that is just illusion.

Watch your men all of you women out there. He just can't control himself and who knows what he'll do when left to his own devices!

grr and gah

Monday, January 26, 2015

Oh oh!

Nearly forgot! Sheesh.

I just cleaned out my refrigerator and used up a bunch of vegetables before they went bad. For once! Made myself some damn good veggie soup; cabbage, carrots, celery, table onions. Simmered until soft, added some organic chicken bouillon. I just had a bowl. Mmmm nummy nummy nummy as Spud and I sing every day he's here.

Vegetables really are good. It's the prep that bugs me, yet just now when I was prepping and listening to the radio (local station The Current is celebrating its 10th year - wow!) I realized just how calming and rather enjoyable prepping veggies actually is.

Numm and yumm.

No photo, of course. Apologies for the repeat (or maybe not?), but Lorenzo has been known to wonder aloud, "Why does everyone feel the compulsion to share photos of their food?"

We just do! It is rather idiotic.

Instead, here's a photo of something lovely.
Because what is better than a baby eating an orange?