Wednesday, September 8, 2010


cartoon courtesy of Natalie Dee
My friend Teri commented on my blog yesterday (hi Teri!) and it reminded me of a story that happened while I was with her.

It was quite a while ago. Maybe 14 years? I had just quit smoking. Maybe I was two or three months into it and hadn't had a bad day up to this point.

She and I were driving around on a summer day, I can't remember exactly what we were doing, just having a fun day driving around I think, but we had stopped into a bar in Wisconsin that a friend of hers owns/owned.

She and Jack were chatting away and I was sitting next to her at the bar, watching her and Jack smoke. Watching the bartender smoke. Watching everybody smoke!

I asked the bartender if I could have one of her cigarettes. I held it in my hand, but finally did not smoke it. Gave it back. I'm sure I was feeling a little cranky about not being able to smoke it, but I was stubborn about not giving in to the urge and for this I'm glad.

So, I'm just sitting there. Sipping my brandy/water (can't believe I used to drink that!!). Daydreaming a bit while Teri and Jack visited.

I absent-mindedly started listening to the guy on the other side of me. He was talking to a buddy, yapping about god-knows-what. Talking about nothing. You know, bar talk.

I f-ing gave that guy a piece of my mind, f yeah.
So I said to him, are you f-ing kidding me? F no!
She was f-ing hot and I asked her to f-ing dance.
That guy is f-ed up, F me!

On and on and on he went. Seriously peppering his every sentence with Fs here and Fs there. He used it this way and that way. He couldn't go more than three words or so without some sort of F derivative. I couldn't stop hearing it. I couldn't stop listening.

I mean, the poor guy. He was just sitting in a bar on a Saturday afternoon with his buddy, shooting the breeze. Yes, he seriously needed a dictionary, but was it really his fault that I was getting incredibly agitated? That the F word started grating on my ears and my mind? That I wanted to choke him until his eyes bulged out?

I touched him on his sleeve and said, "Excuse me."

He turned and looked at me.

I said to him,

"Are you as good at DOING it as you are at SAYING it"?

Jack and Teri busted out laughing and the poor guy stopped f-ing talking.

*Disclaimer - I have nothing against the f-word. I use it myself when warranted. There is nothing like a well-placed 'fuck' to get your point across. However, I felt no need to type that word over and over to tell the story.


The Empress said...

Hey! do you know this is the 3rd time I'm going to try and lv a comment? grr..not your fault. I keep getting "error message, service not available."

Anyway, good one!!

HOpe this takes, if not , I'll email you.

T said...

Yes, point well taken. Ditto to ALL that.

It is used to excess these days, and UNFORTUNATELY is used mostly by unlearned idiots whose limited vocabulary only serves to expose their shortcomings through riddled trashy-baldashery.

Bravo to you for having the nerve to pop that Q to the offender. Funny! Touche!

Danielle said...

There's a reason I love you. LOL!!

Karen said...


J.J. in L.A. said...

Good for you!

A bunch of friends and I were at the beach and some guy tried to pick up one of the girls. She refused. He went back to his friends, F'ing this (her) and f'ing that. She finally went up to him and said, "Those who can, teach. Those who can't, talk."

She's now a high school principal.

Anonymous said...

Love it.

Deborah said...

Empress - I've heard that blogger was not being good.

T - baldashery! Great!

Danielle - You are a darling girl.

Karen - I tell ya!

J.J. - I bet she's a good one too.

Bonnie - :)

Anonymous said...

WooHoo! Blog-o-rama! Fame! Could fortune be far behind?
That bar often hosed a lively cast of characters. Sadly, many are no longer with us.
Tell Pup that I am still laughing about “cocktail wienie”. The perfect pose; decades too late……..Same bar!
BTW: Jack has never been a smoker – you probably couldn’t see through the haze… :@)
Love JJ's comment!