|cartoon courtesy of Natalie Dee|
It was quite a while ago. Maybe 14 years? I had just quit smoking. Maybe I was two or three months into it and hadn't had a bad day up to this point.
She and I were driving around on a summer day, I can't remember exactly what we were doing, just having a fun day driving around I think, but we had stopped into a bar in Wisconsin that a friend of hers owns/owned.
She and Jack were chatting away and I was sitting next to her at the bar, watching her and Jack smoke. Watching the bartender smoke. Watching everybody smoke!
I asked the bartender if I could have one of her cigarettes. I held it in my hand, but finally did not smoke it. Gave it back. I'm sure I was feeling a little cranky about not being able to smoke it, but I was stubborn about not giving in to the urge and for this I'm glad.
So, I'm just sitting there. Sipping my brandy/water (can't believe I used to drink that!!). Daydreaming a bit while Teri and Jack visited.
I absent-mindedly started listening to the guy on the other side of me. He was talking to a buddy, yapping about god-knows-what. Talking about nothing. You know, bar talk.
I f-ing gave that guy a piece of my mind, f yeah.
So I said to him, are you f-ing kidding me? F no!
She was f-ing hot and I asked her to f-ing dance.
That guy is f-ed up, F me!
On and on and on he went. Seriously peppering his every sentence with Fs here and Fs there. He used it this way and that way. He couldn't go more than three words or so without some sort of F derivative. I couldn't stop hearing it. I couldn't stop listening.
I mean, the poor guy. He was just sitting in a bar on a Saturday afternoon with his buddy, shooting the breeze. Yes, he seriously needed a dictionary, but was it really his fault that I was getting incredibly agitated? That the F word started grating on my ears and my mind? That I wanted to choke him until his eyes bulged out?
I touched him on his sleeve and said, "Excuse me."
He turned and looked at me.
I said to him,
"Are you as good at DOING it as you are at SAYING it"?
Jack and Teri busted out laughing and the poor guy stopped f-ing talking.
*Disclaimer - I have nothing against the f-word. I use it myself when warranted. There is nothing like a well-placed 'fuck' to get your point across. However, I felt no need to type that word over and over to tell the story.