Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Oh, my God, Mr. Kotter, I thought you was gonna die, I swear!

 I am taking a tax preparation class this semester.

It meets Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 1:00 until 4:00. Three hours. That's a good stretch of time to listen to a lecture peppered with, "What kind of credit would that be"? and "Is that a credit or would that be a deduction"?

Instructor is a nice person. I'm pretty sure she is nice.

She is nice, but this does not stop me from making fun of her. I come home from class and Pup pulls up a chair to listen to me impersonate her.

He is a CPA and he gets a good roar at my thoughts on all things tax related. Mostly because I'm a smartass and can do an awesome mimic. I have Instructor down!

I am going to fry in hell.

Instructor can't help it. She LOVES what she does. She loves teaching this class, she loves taxes. Did you hear me? SHE LOVES TAXES.

She loves it so much that at 4:00, when me and my niece (the adorable Lyndsi - who not only is the cutest girl ever, but a newlywed to the cutest boy ever) are packing up our poorly-edited large and tenderly-printed texts, checking our phones for *something* - *anything*, Instructor is just gearing up to go over one of the reviews we had to do for homework.

At 4:00.

Many times on Friday night.

Yes, Friday night. The night some couples might have their date night. The night that some people may want to get to the grocery store before the crowd. The night that someone may want to rush home to change to get to an event that is on their calendar. Just sayin'.

4:05 - Instructor is telling a riveting story about a client that came into her office without the address from their daycare. Some people just don't know the value of documentation!

4:06 - Instructor is f10ing her way through an electronic form saying things like, "you have to ask the right questions." Now? I have no questions woman. I want the answers so I can hop in my car and get this place in my rearview!

4:07 - Lyndsi's phone is buzzing and buzzing - her new hubbins is out of town and would like to TALK TO HIS WIFE! His texts are all "doesn't class let out at 4:00"???

4:09 - Lyndsi and I are mumbling, rolling our eyes, and banging things around on our table. Loudly! We are also wondering why we are the only ones packing up to get the hell out. Doesn't anyone else need to be anywhere? Oh wait, this room is full of people that LOVE TAXES.

4:11 - Instructor says she understands if anyone needs to leave. This would mean leaving before she gives out the answers for the homework. We need the answer so we can see if we are doing it correctly. My eye is beginning to twitch. I try to stop myself from looking out at the gorgeous afternoon that is BEGGING ME TO BE A PART OF.

4:15 - I place a well-timed question to nudge the process along. I do believe I am known to Instructor as "bitch." No she hasn't said it out loud, but the eyes ARE the window and all that crap. And I am a smartass. I know this to be true.

4:16 - Really? Serious?

4:17 - Instructor is now fumbling her way through her books, coming up with the answers. "The Miller's federal refund is $759 - oh wait, that's not right. Oh yes, here it is, they are getting $1,249 from federal and are paying into state $79. Oh! I'm on the wrong page."


I stare at Instructor with not-love in my eyes.

I am going to fry in hell. Who will be there with me?


Karen said...

I am soooooooo there already :-)

Heff said...


If I were you, I'd be calling it "Preparation-T ".

You know, like an ointment....

Danielle said...

You're good because I have reminded a professor that class was over and I had things to do. LOL!

R. Jacob said...

Such a naughty school girl!

The Empress said...

Oh, you rawked this one.

I love IT when you're all smart ass like this.

All your posts should be smart ass, except for the Friday hotties.

Keep that delish.


J.J. in L.A. said...

Good for you! I'd be so smart-assy that she'd end the class early just to get away from me.

I had a college instructor who constantly talked about how wonderful his kids were. I finally raised my hand and asked, "Mr. A, I thought this class was about BASIC." He got all flustered and said, "Umm, well, yeah." After that, he never mentioned his kids again.

T said...

Well, "Bitch," if LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF at your smart-assedness (is that a word?) sends me there, then I might be guilty by association.


Daisy said...

I have my spot in Hell reserved.

Sandra said...

I'll be there. If I'm not staring at my instructors with that NOT love in my eyes, I'm checking out their boobs (one of the instructors has the nicest, roundest boobs I've ever seen!)
Nice touch putting up a pic of Vinnie Barbarino. I forgot that I loved him. Now I remember.

Anonymous said...

I always motivated by you, your opinion and attitude, again, appreciate for this nice post.

- Murk

Deborah said...

Karen - I'm thinking hell is going to be a fun place! All my favorite peeps are going to be there with me!

Heff - that was hilarious! Now I think that every time I'm in class.

Danielle - how did you handle it?

RJ - I am not! {stomping foot}

Empress - high praise from the empress! Thank you!

JJ - peeps love talking about themselves. My instructor is FULL of colorful anecdotes - gag!

T - you would have done it too! heh!

Daisy - another fun peep to join us!

Sandra - I have special love for Vinnie.

Murk - thanks?