Wednesday, April 14, 2010


I was over at Robyn's blog (great btw - check it out!) the other day reading about her dating life and it totally got me remembering my experiences with online dating a few years back.

That's how I met Pup! But I dated dozens of others before finding him. It was a very crazy experience that when I think back to it, I can't believe I had the small-rounds to do it.

I had been married for 23 years and hadn't dated since I was 20. That's a long time to be out of the loop. But I was starting to feel like I wanted someone to hang out with and do stuff with and cook for. And have sex with. I was missing sex and had tried having a friend-with-benefits, but found that kind of relationship a bit weird.

So a girl I worked with suggested I filled out my profile, posted a couple of pictures and hit "publish."

Holy mother, I was not prepared the bunches of e-mails that I started getting. I had to organize them in folders. Create an Excel spreadsheet. Have code names for them because the names started running together in my head.

I stumbled my way into a system.

I would e-mail to begin with. If the guy sounded interesting and nice I would try to move it to the phone. If they didn't ask for my number, no more answering e-mails.

Next step was the phone call. That was challenging for me at first. I'm a talker and a laugher. If they made me laugh I would certainly go out with them even if there were flags waving. Not smart a couple of times. But mostly the calls would unearth some crazy stuff. I couldn't believe what guys would say during that first phone call.

"You aren't fat are you"? One charming man asked me. click

"I've had women date me for my money." Another said. I'm guessing he thought that because he had the personality of a small rock. Not the Pet Rock either.

"My wife used to tell me I'm boring, how's this conversation going anyway? How would you rate it"?

If the phone call went well and he asked, I would go on the first date. We in the online dating world called these the "date zero." Because it really wasn't a date, just a get-to-know you kind of thing.

I went on many many many date zeros. So many zeros on those dates.

Guys that would tell me about their physical problems, or how their kids wouldn't speak to them or what @unts their ex-wives are or drone on and on without ever seeing if I needed a glass of water or oxygen.

Two people can take one look at the other and tell if they want to try a second date. I was usually the one that didn't want a second time. Mostly they did. I used to change their name in my phone contact list to "NO NO NO!!"

The times I saw the look on the guys face, the "I'm not attracted to you" look, the date actually went great because then I would get totally outrageous and smartassy. A couple of those guys became my friends for a bit.

The ones that became date twos were great. I dated a couple of really great guys. Dating at my age was so challenging and scary and exciting.

I'll post a few stories in the next few weeks.


Ms. Anthropy said...

Gawd in heaven... I can't even imagine the dating scene! And to think, you found a keeper. Can't wait to hear about the non-keeper capers.

Marla said...

You are one brave woman. If Bob dies before me...or I choke him first...I am entering a convent.

Ok, on with the stories, please....

Blasé said...

I had a "friend with benefit" that wanted to marry me. She was the best _ _ _ _ I ever had.

But, she wasn't 'wife' material. So, SB won out...

Deborah said...

I surely did not feel brave at the time. I truly did not know how people our age could meet anyone! I even had a few "fix ups" and you can just imagine how those went. {shudder}

I tried the FWB thing because I didn't feel ready for any emotional ties right then, but found that we really do need that in our lives.

Heff said...


- Nausea sets in -

* Bleeeeaaaaackkkk !! *

deb-oh-rah said...

And she definitely has some doozies! I told her she should combine them into an article and submit to Cosmo or some other mags.

But in the end, she lucked out with Pup. He was/is a keeper.

Danielle said...

I had adopted a sort of "don't give a $hit" attitude about dating which was really working for me. I wasn't stressed and I was having fun. Then I met my beau and he took me off the market. Forcibly I might add.

We had a horrible date zero. I believe we spent the whole afternoon talking trash to one another but he hung in there and here we are, still together three years later.

He still makes comments about how he dragged me kicking and screaming into a long term committed relationship. He's a keeper just a bit of an ass, lol.

J.J. said...

My man's first clue that I wanted a 2nd date was when I 'attacked' him....immediately after saying, "I don't kiss on the 1st date."

R. Jacob said...

You had trouble dating? Hard to believe. and my phone number is 561-59....oh never mind....