Just Give Me a Kiss

Alli-baby had a date last night and was texting me while she was waiting at the pub.

The guy was someone she had worked with a while back and she wanted to see if they had any dating mojo going on.

Her texts were making me laugh out loud. And y'all may remember what happens when I laugh out loud. Small children and animals run for cover. Two things I cannot do quietly - sneeze or laugh.

Alli - I'm here. I'm early. Help me not drink too many glasses of wine before he gets here
Me - Two drinks total! That's all you get!
A - But it's hot!
M - Water!
A - But we'll be outside.
M - WTH? It's hot! Get inside! Cool as the cat!
A - I like to be sweaty!
M - OMG!
A - How should I greet him?
M - You know what to do.
A - Is it okay to grab his balls?
M - aaaaaahahahaha!
M - No, no ball grabbing.
A - What if he doesn't like my hair?
M - Stop it! He already loves your hair!
M - Just flirt and touch him from time to time.
A - Is it bad to touch his ass?
M - [snorting and choking]
M - yeah, that's okay. Go ahead and touch his ass.

silence for a minute

A -Okay, conversation going good. Small talk, blah blah blah
M - No texting during date

I was laughing so hard imagining all of this.

She and I are meeting for lunch today. I am bringing Dating for Dummies with me, but that girl will do what that girl will do.

I cannot stop laughing.

And I wouldn't have sat in the sun. I melt like butter.