What's Lower Than the Down in the Dumps?

I have so many thoughts around the necessary changes our country is going through I can't even begin. I won't because I'm sure I wouldn't express myself graciously. I'm am very not gracious these days.

I've been DRAGGING my butt around for a few weeks. Literally dragging it. Forcing myself to GET WITH IT! I cannot. Gah and wth? I've misplaced my spark. My joy. My energy. Could it be real? Could it be self-indulgence? Could it be I'm just this way? Oh please, tell me it's not that. I can't be that. I'm tired of that!

Shameful confession approaching - Pup got the PPP loans (he's so grateful) and is able to pay his employees even though they cannot work for us (one can a bit) at this moment (sunken office building much? gah) and I'm one of the employees so I've gotten a bit of a bonus these past few weeks.

So I'm on a binge of not only bad behavior with eating and (not) working out (ever), but I'm buying things like a mad-bitch. Not just for me, but everywhere.

I feel shameful that I've taken this money from the government somehow when others may have needed it more. Although Pup had to spend it or pay it (all??) back. I'm fuzzy on the details. He was so thankful getting it because he felt so badly about his employees getting the boot unexpectedly. I mean, really? Not to woe-is-me too much, but we literally have no electricity in our office and cannot use it. I love working there during season and that was plucked. Man I can complain. That's okay. So the office is kaput.

Possible silver lining - we might just look for space in a more neutral location that can serve both of Pup's offices. Combine the two yet keep them separate, but he'd have staff. Me, our assistant, and whoever we get (hopefully the guy doing it now) to do tax preparation help. Now his non-sinkhole-sunk space is just two rented office spaces within another firm and there's no room for me or any other staff. I think this is a good idea. His firms could be managed both by me and his workday could be streamlined. He's on the fence, but starting to see the benefit. He loves officing (again, non-sinkhole-office) with his brother-in-law, but it might be time to branch out and have his own branding. Right now his Pup-firm isn't represented by bil's firm. The branding is bil's. I'm not making sense, but try to get me. I'm messy and fuzzy forever apparently. Gah! lol

So that has potential to be great.

Why am I talking?

cold on the boat

kitty love at the lake 

I do a lot of this on my phone - paint by number - relaxing and avoidance behavior