Monday, February 7, 2011

Everybody's Trying to Be My Baby

I met a friend for breakfast yesterday. A great restaurant, where the style-of-the day is usually Born shoes, North Face jackets, no makeup with straight bobs, and lots of old-school Coach handbags.

Reechie and I settled in and our server comes over to introduce himself and ask what we want to drink.

Server: How are you both today?

Us: We're great! How are you?

Server: Well, I'm not feeling too well today. I'm feeling, in fact, pretty horrible, but you know, you have to go to work.

Uh - okay.

For the record, it didn't stop him from looking down my shirt which I don't mind, but he was incredibly delighted to be looking down my shirt even though he didn't feel too well.

Reechie says to me, "I hope he's not going to take our order"? We both kinda laugh and wait for him to bring our beverages.

When he comes back with our tea, Reechie decides she would rather have coffee and says to our server, he of the hang-dog face, "I'll keep the tea, but would you bring me a cup of coffee as well and some cream"?

Server: Now?

Reechie: Yes please.

Server: Now . . . ?

Reechie: When you can please.

Uh - okay . . .

I said, "Maybe he'd prefer it if we came back for the coffee later tonight"?

By now we're giggling away, hoping our server doesn't barf or cry or start looking up our skirts or whatever the hell crazy servers do.

We order, our breakfasts are delivered, they are delicious, we enjoy them.

Server has to stop by five times to see if we love our eggs. For real. Until I want to poke out his sick eyes with hot sticks. Hot sticks that I would set on fire with a lighter and then flick under his ass if he didn't leave us alone.

Uh - okay?

He comes back to say goodbye to my cleavage and bring our bill.

I was laughing the rest of the day.


David L Macaulay said...

ha, ha - well maybe the doctor had diagnosed cleavage therapy. Usually does the trick.

Cheeseboy said...

Your server sounds a lot like a man. He still deserved the hot sticks to the eyeball thing. Most men do.

J.J. in L.A. said...

My man used to be a restaurant manager so our dining experiences are...interesting. lol! One time, 3 couples came in at 3:45 but the waiter didn't come til 4:05. They wanted the lunch special but were "too late". My man stepped in and they got their lunch specials.

He was pissed about the time WE showed up 15 minutes early and were ignored til it was "too late". He told the manager, who said, "What can I do?" (with a shrug). My man said that he would fire any waiter/waitress who pulled that crap. Then we went to Taco Bell.

R. Jacob said...

You must have been looking particularly lovely that morning!

Karen said...

OK.. I'm not gonna be popular here today at all... but... as far as men and hot pokers to the eyes...

If the cleavage is bared for everyone to see (and there is nothing wrong with a woman bearing her cleavage, don't get me wrong here) .... they're gonna look. It's only natural. You're kinda asking for it.

Some people have a better gawk filter than others.

I say enjoy the attention. As long as you get your coffee at the same time as your tea :-)

Sarah said...

I hate the annoying helicopter servers as well.

I want to see you at most 5-6 times during my meal.
1) Seat/take beverage order
2) Drop off beverages, take food order
3) Bring food to table, see if there is anything else needed
4) Stop by within us taking a couple of bites to make sure everything's ok, nothing else needed
5) Bring bill near end of meal, bus plates, see if anything else is needed.

Other than perhaps coming by to pour more coffee or bus plates, there's no reason for a server to be hovering around.

I would have helped you stab his eyes! I hate the uber-cheery servers who want to "chat" with you. If I brought people with me, I want to chat with them, ok?

I was always a brisk & businesslike server for the most part unless a table called for the chatty Kathy type.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

What an oddball.

Do you guys really notice when we glance down your shirts?

Kelley said...

That is funny! What type of waiter would tell you he was sick? And then serve you food? And then look down your shirt? Hey. I may know him.

The Empress said...


What has happened to common sense and service with pride?

Do I sound like an old bag, or what?

But,hey, I"m a caterer...and I know my stuff.

People, please, if you're not a people person, what are you doing in the people biz??

P.S. cannot bring myself to comment on hot men friday. Cannot. SOrry, it'd be like trying to do Jack Black.


Love you, still.

You're a better woman than me, to be kind to him like that.

Marla said...

Are you sure we aren't sisters?? LOL