Thursday, April 21, 2011

Life with Pup


Favre Doing the Al Bundy

Pup is finally done with 18 hour work days and is now running around Chez Emerson in his typical fashion – wrecking havoc everywhere he goes.

It’s good to have him back, but now that I’m working for the first time in our short marriage he’s a little bit spoiled and I’m having to train him in on how to clear a table, how to pick up his clothes, and how to own his free time. He’s not used to free time poor darlin’.

Here is a sprinkling of what Life with Pup is like now that he’s free.

Sweetie . . . do you suppose a rabbit really likes carrots?
Do you think Calvin likes it when I haggle him?
Did you know that it's hotter in the city than in the country?
Dollink . . . Dollink . . .
Look at my tiny butt. Don't you think my butt is tiny?
Do you think Calvin eats kleenex so he doesn't have to wipe his ass?
Do you think Calvin gets mad because I’m taller than him?
Do you think Calvin minds when I turn my back on him?
Look Sweetie, George is humping me. So I’m kicking him in his faux-nuts. He likes it!
You should blog about how clean Calvin’s little balloon-knot is. [To which I replied, “Get your own blog.”]
Let me see the chimichunga.
Feel this . . . I think there is something wrong with it. It's all hard.
Honey, show me Felix. Come on.
No matter how many spankings you get in a day, you need more.

And apparently he has missed his wiener, because it’s all about the wiener lately. Well, strike that, because isn’t it all about the wiener all the time? Do I see a show of hands?

So, Pup sits around like Al Bundy. Can’t let that thing out of his sight. Or out of his hand.

He places his wiener on the back of my desk chair, places his wiener on my neck, places it on my back.

We will be in the office, having a normal conversation. I turn to look at him. His wiener is out. He has expectant look on his face.

Walks through the house, stops to shake it at George. Stops to shake it at Calvin.
Says, “Hey, why don’t they shake their wieners at me?

His wiener looks delighted to be out and about once again I have to say.

Smooches my Pup, I missed you.

9 comments:

Karen said...

LOL.... I think they're all alike.

David L Macaulay said...

uew - picking up clothes - to answer your question maybe Charles hasn't been crowned because he's such a nob.

Snappy Di said...

Never understood why they are all so proud of their weinie. I mean, it's not like we go flailing our vuh jay jays around the house all proud like.

Sandra said...

Oh my god Deborah! I'm crying from laughter!!! You tell him to keep that weiner far away from you when you're in the kitchen at least! We don't want any weiner hairs in the soup!...and I have a 13 year old like him. You should see if he knows how to clack his balls. That'll keep him busy for hours then he'll keep the weiner in his pants! Does he know you posted about this!!!!???? BEST POST EVER!!!....what does this say about me?...don't answer please.

Ms. A said...

(And to think my hubby gets frustrated when I post his misspeaks) I... I... I'm speechless! Laughing, but speechless!

T said...

YOU.ARE.HYSTERICAL.

(You've definitely missed your calling for stand up!)

Sarah said...

Omigod. Made the mistake of reading this in class and could barely contain my laughter. I know my prof wouldn't have understood what was so funny about quality improvement methods!

Slightly disturbing considering who I am, but hysterically funny nonetheless!

Witty is in the gene pool!

J.J. in L.A. said...

Make sure Pup is doing something else the day we meet up, 'k? lol!

Lo Lo said...

This is hilarious! Like Bella, I am also a bit disturbed at some of the content but I can’t say I am surprised!! Glad he’s back :)