Thursday, January 2, 2014

Practical Application 1

The Night Before

I took a detox bath.

Epsom salts, baking soda, candles, hot water, me.

I know that detoxing can help my immune system and encourage my body to flush out all that is bad - all the toxins I have taken in. We don't have to talk about what type of toxins they were. Do we? blinkblinkblink . . . . Do I appear charming? No? Rats! This is why I need detoxing!

I wash my face and fill the tub at the same time. Dumping in some marvelous-smelling Epsom salts I've had in a lovely glass bin waiting. I dump in some baking soda to alkalize the bath water as well. As the tub fills and steam begins to rise I can smell the salts. Mmmm! I'm loving that!

I hop in and start screeching. It's been a while since I've used the spa tub in our bathroom and filling it has loosened some gunk that has been hiding in the jets. Disgusting! I hop back out and scoop out all that blech and dreck. Hop back in.

I've lit two candles. I've forgotten to turn out the bathroom lights.


I press down on the spa button to turn on the jets. Nothing. I press again. Nothing.

I call for Pup.

"It smells so good in here! Do you want me to turn out the lights?"

He does. It's nearly pitch black. My two little candles aren't cutting it.

"I can't get the tub to turn on." I show him how I'm pushing the button. He reaches his huge thumb in there and ON goes the tub.

I lay back in the tub. Trying not to think about what else could be floating around in there with me. I don't mean Pup.

I'm to relax for 20 minutes. I look at the clock.

It's been three minutes. Three minutes!

I close my eyes. The lights are damn bright, I think.

I really need to get in here with some Scrubbing Bubbles, I think.

I look at the clock again.

It's been seven minutes.

I shut off my damn mind, lay back again, ignore the bright lights, and make it 15 minutes.

And I have to call Pup to turn off the damn tub.



The Next Morning

I slept hard. It felt hard. My eyes opened up at 7:00 a.m. That's crazy! So late! How do you people get hours of goofing around on the internet completed when you get up so late? I'm winking and nodding.

I slept so hard that I stumbled around for a while getting my bearings. Weaving and bobbing like I was still drunk after a fun night. You know those nights. Don't pretend you don't!

I liked my detox bath. I feel free of chemicals.

Okay - I really don't, but I am suspending belief and imagining those nasty toxins running away from me. With their bags packed. Getting on the train to Toxinville.


I'd do it again. More candles, clean jets, open mind.


T said...

You've inspired me to clean my own tub and make use of its relaxing powers. I've never done the salts thing. Maybe I should?

I too am reeling with poison from the past week or so.

Word of the day: Cleanse. Very entertaining post! Loved this.

Ms. A said...

Dang, I wish I had a spa button, although if I did, it would probably be broken like everything else around here. We need some serious maintenance, as well as some housekeeping. We haven't had enough time for either.

Karen said...

I don't use the spa button, not sure I even know how. Are you laughing? But I do like an epsom soak, that's for sure.

You sound like me when I try to clear my mind for just a few freak'n minutes. Ain't happen'n.

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh.... Takes a whole lotta water to fill our jet tub, and then I don't stay in long either and it's hard to get out of the dang thing. Not sure it's even worth having the silly tub.

Deborah said...

tPretty - I'm trying to take another one tonight!

Ms A - you deserve a little treat girl, smooches

Karen - Epsom is amazing!

Diane - They look lovely though and are fun when you're in them, but I agree; it's a lot of work.