Sunday, September 15, 2013

Mark This Day - Grow

It's five o'clock in the morning.

I'm standing on our porch. Crying. Phone in hand. The ambulance has just left our driveway with Pup in it. I'm rattled and I've left my keys in the house. They are not in my hand where I need them.

I call my son-in-law. He and my daughter live seven blocks from us and I know he will have his phone on.

"B," I say, "I locked myself out. Could you come and let me in? Pup is in an ambulance with severe chest pain. Please come and let me in." I'm sobbing.


I didn't know it in that moment. In that moment I didn't know it was muscle spasms in his chest. I didn't even know chest muscles could spasm so painfully. My husband is not the kind of guy to complain. He powers through everything. So in that moment, the fact that he was in so much pain, the fact that he asked me to call 911, the fact that I watched him being taken into an ambulance, was swirling around on the top of my brain.

I didn't know any of that. I packed a bag with shoes, sweatpants. I put my hair up. I dressed. I let George out because I didn't know when we'd be back. I did not think about what was happening. I collected my stuff and didn't worry about collecting my mind.

Until I left. Until I left and locked myself out. And called my son-in-law. That's when I thought about it. I cried on the porch.

It was muscle spasms. Painful, horrible, but not a heart attack. That's what I didn't want my mind to think. Heart attack. It was muscle spasms.

Pup is snoring away next to me in The Big Room. He is sleeping. He is full of oxycodone. He is full of muscle relaxers. He is snoring and in between snores he watches The Red Zone. He has muscle spasms in his chest. Hallelujah.

Mark this day. Mark this day.


Ms. A said...

Whew! Girl, I know that panic and it's not a good thing. It's not until the immediate crisis is over and you have an option to breathe, that you can even take a moment to collect your thoughts and let out a long sigh of relief.

Hallelujah it wasn't worse!

Karen said...

Oh, so GLAD it was just muscle spasms in the chest. Which I have had.. and let me tell ya.. .it does feel like a heart attack. They suck.

Now just breathe.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow... I'm sure you were so frightened as was Pup. XOX Glad to hear he is now resting. You should rest too.

T said...

Wow, Deborah. How frightening. I'm thankful to learn it was not serious.

Moments like these are sobering. It eclipses everything else around us...evanescent.

Prayers for his comfort today, and peaceful strength to grow within you.

deb-oh-rah said...

Oh, my god -- so scary! I am sure that I can't even know how scared you must have been. I am so thankful that he is okay.

simply bev said...

So scary! My husband had the same situation some years ago and we both were petrified. I'm glad your husband is ok!

Sara Louise said...

Oh Deborah! What a scare that must have been! Take care of Pup, take care of you xo

Deborah said...

Thank you everyone. And thanks for reading this rather indulgent post. Sometimes you have to say what spills out.

smooches to all of you

Marla said...

I live for indulgent posts. Hey, it's how I roll, baby!

My stomach hurt after reading this. So glad you are BOTH ok and made it through. True story.