Mark This Day - Grow

It's five o'clock in the morning.

I'm standing on our porch. Crying. Phone in hand. The ambulance has just left our driveway with Pup in it. I'm rattled and I've left my keys in the house. They are not in my hand where I need them.

I call my son-in-law. He and my daughter live seven blocks from us and I know he will have his phone on.

"B," I say, "I locked myself out. Could you come and let me in? Pup is in an ambulance with severe chest pain. Please come and let me in." I'm sobbing.

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I didn't know it in that moment. In that moment I didn't know it was muscle spasms in his chest. I didn't even know chest muscles could spasm so painfully. My husband is not the kind of guy to complain. He powers through everything. So in that moment, the fact that he was in so much pain, the fact that he asked me to call 911, the fact that I watched him being taken into an ambulance, was swirling around on the top of my brain.

I didn't know any of that. I packed a bag with shoes, sweatpants. I put my hair up. I dressed. I let George out because I didn't know when we'd be back. I did not think about what was happening. I collected my stuff and didn't worry about collecting my mind.

Until I left. Until I left and locked myself out. And called my son-in-law. That's when I thought about it. I cried on the porch.

It was muscle spasms. Painful, horrible, but not a heart attack. That's what I didn't want my mind to think. Heart attack. It was muscle spasms.

Pup is snoring away next to me in The Big Room. He is sleeping. He is full of oxycodone. He is full of muscle relaxers. He is snoring and in between snores he watches The Red Zone. He has muscle spasms in his chest. Hallelujah.

Mark this day. Mark this day.