Monday, December 1, 2014

Once Bad Always Bad?

Seeing the world in black and white. Do you think you do that? Once someone is deemed bad they can never again be seen as good? Or are you gray? Seeing things from both sides?

Gray is my favorite color of late around my house and around my person. What does this say about me?

Grey or gray (see spelling differences) is an intermediate color between black and white. It is a neutral or achromatic color, meaning literally that it is a color "without color." It is the color of a cloud-covered sky, of ash and of lead.

A cloud-covered sky.

Pup and I are watching The Affair. At first blush; from just reading the title; you, and I frankly, may think, "Nope, I don't want this. I don't want to be witness to something uncomfortable. Something so bad."

And then you watch. It's complex. Layered. Showing over and over how things are never, ever black and white. No one correct way. No one wrong way. Not that once an asshole always an asshole. That once you think this you can never think that.

The sad situation in Ferguson, the personal violence erupting in sports, immigrants in your town, young, troubled boys looking for an anchor - looking for their place, bad parents. My list could go for miles.

Or when you think about opinions you have formed about events, people, areas of the country, family. Once you think one way can you be swayed into thinking another way?

I remember a story my dad told when I was little about a girl he was dating before meeting my momma. The girl was pretty and he liked her very much. One night out on a date, they were tickling and wrestling as young people in the beginnings of a relationship do. The girl farted. My dad broke up with her. Just like that. His opinion of her changed. From infatuation to distaste. Plonk.

I was a little girl that was always in her head and that story changed how I thought about people. I began realizing that there are reasons for experiences, reasons for change in your life that you will never know about. Why you didn't get that job, why that boy broke up with you, why a friend stopped calling you back, why you don't feel close, why someone loves you.

I've changed my mind about people and situations a million times over. Sometimes it pisses me off and sometimes it makes me happy. And sometimes it makes me wonder if I do not have a backbone. If I am easily swayed. Or if I am ornery in my singular and lonely thoughts.

I mean, once at a family meeting here at Chez Emerson, I stood up from my chair and shouted at a sister-in-law, "You're WRONG. This is what is right."


We laughed about it in the moment, but that has harassed my thoughts from time to time. Filling me with laughter and tears.

Once again, I am working through something here on paper (sic). Something I didn't even know I needed to work through! Oh the magic that early morning can provide!

I wish this would start a dialogue. I long for a dialogue! Do any of you feel similarly? Do you covet a black and white approach or do you want your mind blown open for possibilities? Possibilities seem wonderful, but they are limiting in their limitlessness.

Oh damn!


Ray Denzel said...

A dialogue. Sounds like college days, people gathered around tossing opinions around, fact based or not. Sadly, most thoughts are not original anymore. They heard it somewhere, sounded good, let me use it. Don't bother to look into it first, just make it your mantra. I feel your pain.

Ms. A said...

There are many times I feel myself being a lot more gray than I used to be. Sometimes it almost makes me feel like I'm floundering. Other times I see it as just being a little more open to a change of my thoughts on things always being black, or white.

T said...

In my world, there is black and white, solid factual beliefs from which I will not back down, and there is gray. And there's always room for more gray. I think the heart in its perfect design is kindled by the grays of life experiences.

And I agree that there's always "another side" to all stories.

And why does the color gray get such a bad rap? People hear "gray skies," and the immediate association is negative. Truth is, gray skies can be the most beautiful canvas of all skies.

It's all in our perspective -- the heart's perspective.

Oh, the magic that early morning can provide? Amen!

Karen Ann said...

I think people who live mostly in black & White are missing out big time. There is no black & white... always room for change, improvement, forgiveness, new experiences where you didn't think you wanted to go before... Keeping an open mind and being willing to change gives you room to grow. We all need to keep growing as we go or we get stale, our ideas get stale, etc.

Mirabili Vestium said...

I believe that we all want to be convinced to believe in the simple truth from time to time.:)

Deborah said...

Thank you everyone. It sounds like all of us might feel this way from time to time.