Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I Can't Hula Hoop

I've tried and tried. I don't have the swing in my fling. I don't have the motion in my ocean. It bugs! I have a lovely pink (super-gendering! Apologies Bella!) one that shushes with every movement. If I could get it to move.

I've watched people. It seems endlessly easy! Move your trunk around. I do it and it slides down, down, down, to my knees and before you know it, I look like a prospector that has just found gold. Hopping up and down like my shaker has a boatload in it. Yeah, that's what I said.


I also cannot navigate my way out of my driveway. I can't move like Beyoncé. I tried once and actually thought I heard something cracking! Ha!

I can't get my body into Ketosis. I can't stand oil pulling. I can't back out of a parking space without leaving about 20 feet between me and whatever the hell is behind me (spazz). I can't make a cake look pretty. I can't walk into a party alone. I can't put on makeup. I can't think. I can't grocery shop without a list.

I have a bunch of things I can do, but writing all of this today made me laugh!

I was in our basement looking for something a day or so ago and found my lonely hula hoop. Propped up against a pile of games. It looked so fun! I picked it up and shook it - listening to the little beads shushing shushing around. I want to hula!

I placed it around my waist. Made the rocking motions I imagine will work. It falls to the ground with a thunk and thud. Gah!

I think I'll go bike riding! I can do that!

What frustrating thing can't you do?


Ray Denzel said...

Never could hula and rubics cube, forget about it 😝

Deborah said...

OMG - rubics cube. That thing drove me insane! I couldn't do it either. :/

Karen Ann said...

I HATED THE RUBICS CUBE!!!! and I'm good for about five or six swings with the hoop, that's about it. :-)

Deborah said...

Karen - you are better than me! I kinda remember peeling all the colors off of my rubics cube eventually. Heh!

deb-oh-rah said...

Ditto rubics cube, hula hoop. Add to the list whistling, snapping my fingers, cart wheels. Anything techie. The list goes on and on. True Spazzzz.

Deborah said...

Oh! Snapping fingers! I'm not very good at that either. And I cannot whistle. Or cart wheels! Frankly - nothing athletic.

We can walk girl! We can walk.

T said...

I can hula, but I can't whistle. I've always wanted to be able to whistle.

And sound effects that kids make with their tongues to imitate machine gun fire, that is so cool. Can't do it.

Can't throw a baseball. I shot put it.

Can't snow ski. (Terror on the mountain...run for your lives)

I don't can't speak any foreign languages.

I can't ride ANY park rides without chundering up my cookies.

I can't do an unassisted chin-up.

The list of can'ts keep coming.

Hey, but I can throw a pretty mean Frisbee!

(PS - Don't give up on the hula; your hips will 'LEARN' the rhythm and off you'll go!)

Anonymous said...

I purchased a hula hoop last year with every good intention of using it. Nope... can't do more than a hula move or two and down it goes to my knees... I am crying and laughing with you... LOL