Happy People

Here I am!
Signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours!
~Stevie Wonder

Ha!

Are y'all thinking about the past year? Thinking about what the coming year could mean? Changes yes?

I read an article a few minutes ago (and promptly Pinterested it -yeah, I said it!) about the things that happy people do differently. One of the things was be in the moment.

It sounds so simple. Aren't we all in that moment? I mean, I'm there aren't I? How could I not be in the moment? After the moments, after things are quiet and I'm left to my thoughts I realize many times that I was forward-thinking. "Oh! I never lit the candles!" "Oh! If I were a size or so smaller I could have worn that cute outfit!" "Oh! What is the next hilarious thing I want to say?"

Yesterday I watched my little tater-tot while his parents attended a memorial service for Bella's grandma. I know I could have gone - that great woman had been my mother-in-law for 23 years - but for some reason I did not feel right about it. There were a few logistic reasons I couldn't go, but nothing that I couldn't have figured out. But when Bella asked if I would watch baby KD while they attended the service, I jumped at the chance. Even though she said the other Granny could watch him if I wanted to attend the service.

I said, "No, please, I'll watch the sweet baby."

So KD and I hung out for four hours or so. And I practiced being in the moment. Because everything stops when you look at your first grandchild's face. Everything! It's fantastic. He and I talked about his Great-Grandmomma and how perfect it had been that he got to meet her and how she loved him and was happy for his parents. How blessed he is to have so many people love him.

He listened to every silly thing I said to him. He's a rapt participant right now. He fills me with tears and joy.

Bella said her dad wrote something that she read for him. He talked about the bond between mother and child. How he saw it when he and I had children and now he's seeing it with his own Bella. And how his momma had that bond with her children.

I will think about momma-Sylvia and how she loved her children and how she loved her grandchildren and how she loved her great-grandchildren. It's New Year's Eve and all things are there for us.

Giving Those Loving Gestures

Getting the trees!

Little K (the Baby-Doll) is our beyond-blessing for the year. The year has been full of blessings and I sometimes can't believe how blessed we are. Then I think how we might just deserve our blessings. And why not?

I was at happy hour the other day and I was speaking to a friend. She mentioned something I had done for Pup when she was with us. It was something I did during dinner to make his experience better. Pup is a picky eater and sometimes I ignore his wants, sometimes I cater to his wants, and sometimes I help. I can't worry about him and what he will or won't eat all the time because his eating limits do make me insane, but I love him.

She said she would have wanted to get angry or smack him or get disgusted. I could tell that she thought my helping him in that moment was something she would never do. While she was telling me this I felt a flash of shame. Was what I had done a weakness on my part? Did it make Pup look weak? Was it less than perfect (something I apparently worry about all the time)?

It didn't hit me until days later that what I had done was a loving gesture. That's all. Just a simple, loving gesture. Done in the moment. Only because I love him. It was a good thing. Nothing for me to think twice about. 

Loving gestures. I want to give more of them. To those I love. Not worry how it makes me look. If loving someone and wanting to make something more comfortable in a moment is weak, then I'm wanting to be the weakest!

I see that today. I wish I had seen it then and always.

I will be watching for opportunities to give loving gestures. And why not? It takes nothing away from me and might make me happier.

Merry Christmas my hooches! Are you ready for your own loving gestures?

Minnesota Nice

This the view out of my office window.

It was about 10 below or some horrible temperature. But the sun was shining, the winds were calm, there was fresh snow all about, I was finally wearing my wool, my boots, my grandpa socks, my scarf, and lovely gloves. And putting my beloved Ruby (my Jeep Wrangler) in 4-wheel drive so I stick better on the roads.

4-wheel drive does not make you invincible nor does it keep you from sliding on ice, but you do stick just a bit more in places where you need to stick. Lovely!

It is a gorgeous time of year!

Get happy and invite me to watch!

Dream a Little Dream

you're no good

I had the craziest dream last night. I woke after/during it and thought, "This one is actually worth telling!" But it disappeared this morning. Only the wisp of crazy remains in my memory. Which is good because having to listen to someone else's dream is second only to looking at someone else's vacation photos. Oye to the vey! I like to have a stick in my handbag just for poking out my eyes on such occasions. I have had to hand my sticks to those I have inflicted with my vacation shots. That's the kind of woman I am!

This just reminded me of when I was pregnant with my dear Bella. I had made friends with a neighbor in our fairly isolated rural neighborhood. She was a cousin-in-law of one of our dear friends and while she was not my normal girl, she turned out to be a very good friend at a time I needed another mother to help me along my brand new journey of becoming a momma.

One evening she and he husband invited us over for dinner on a Saturday evening. She had recently had a baby and I was about seven months or so along in my first pregnancy.

After dinner the guys were enjoying an after dinner beer while she dragged out one of those slide projectors people used to have with the circle of photos. She was a talker and I confess to only listening to her half the time on occasion so I wasn't entirely certain what we were going to be looking at.

Suddenly her peek-at-chu came peeking out from the screen. Along with her baby's head poking out of that peek-at-chu. My poor wasband nearly came undone. What the hell? I could hear his unspoken cries. As for me, a very pregnant first timer, it was rather horrifying. My own little baby started doing summersaults in utero in response to my fight or flight adrenalin pouring out.

Along with the slides was a running dialog of the whys, hows, whens and every other unimaginable thing you do not want to know.

This experience scared me so I was seriously dreading when my own babe would pop out into the world. My experience was just fine, but that should have been a lesson to me to not overshare birth experiences. But women can't help themselves. It's a big thing we can do and the stories need to be told.

But maybe not shown.

A Bit of Self-Indulgence

Because . . . because . . . well, because!

I'm trying really hard hooches. So hard to not be annoying. Y'all know that is nigh-on to impossible. In fact, it is absolutely impossible.

So, with that known, please enjoy the adorableness that is a newborn.



Pup and I got to watch Baby Boy-Doll last night while The Little Family went to a movie and dinner. I don't think the two of them had been out of the house except for appointments and Thanksgiving since the Tater-Tot's arrival.

We sat on the couch with him either holding him or sandwiching him between us on the couch. It was heavenly.

And he went through nearly all the outfits his momma packed, all the receiving blankets, and all the bottles. Burping, pooping, peeing, and just generally being adorable.

You can see a little bit how adorable his smiles are going to be when they come. I love this newborn stage.

The Masher

I love this. Look at the way she picks up her britches.

Be Thankful, Even for the Mess

Thanksgiving came and went. Pup and I watched movies yesterday nearly non-stop. Some of the mess from the previous days activities still hanging around in The Big Room. It really looked so lovely at the beginning of the day Thursday.

But I didn't take any photos.

"Momma! You haven't taken any photos today." My Bella said at the end of the day.

I was in the kitchen mostly. In the kitchen doing a bit of damage control. My friend AB was helping me thank god and thank you AB. The aftermath of a big meal is sometimes horrendous! I walk in there and think, "F- it. I'm moving." Mostly because I just don't know where to start.

But you do. Start that is. And it gets cleaned up. I'm kinda getting why my own momma was tiring of having holidays after a while. So much work. And it feels, just a little bit, like no one cares.

It made me cranky. Not thankful. Kinda bitchy. "Vicious!" Pup always says. He loves a vicious-woman he says. I know he doesn't really think I'm vicious. But I am cranky.

So, pour me a drink and I'll clean the damn kitchen. Bah!

:)

This little dude was there making everything worth it.

Yes, he really is that beautiful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pup and I are starting to poke around for something on a lake or river. Just a little chunk of something. For later. For now. No, despite my exclamation up there ^ we are not moving. I just like to kvetch.

Because I have to embrace all that I am. And right now I'm whining.

I'm also tired of the kinda Facebook life everyone is leading. You know what I mean; either everyone is perfect and happy and never needing to clean their house or a shower or they're politicking, passive-agressiving (which I am the queen of), leaving cryptic "words of wisdom" all over the f-ing place, or simply saying stupid stuff. Oh, I do it too! Don't let me get away with pretending I don't! That place is kinda a swamp. The smart ones lurk and sit down.

I'm not really this vicious in real life. I just like to play one on the internet.

indulging my vintage in my office

I do think I worry too much about what is right and what is thought. Yesterday I was poking around at one of my favorite poke-around shops and I was feeling pressured by a few people behind me that were wanting to be standing where I was standing. Sometimes, most times, I might move to let them in. Yesterday I widened my stance, shot one of them a small smile, and finished my browsing in the section I was in.

I felt amazing. Not aggressive. Not bitchy. I just felt empowered for a minute. There are ways to be effective without being bitchy Deborah.

Whooooo ya!

It's day three of the long weekend. What are you doing today?

Hell the Hello!

Yesterday was Pup's birthday.

We celebrated with Lorenzo and RM at one of Pup's favorite places. Can we all guess what kind of meat was involved? Oh yes, steak!

The most fun for me is just hanging out with my kids. I'm really turning into such a water-logged kind of woman. Disgusting!  :)

Love is a weird thing.

It hits me at times when I'm not expecting it. And it would be hard to explain to young 20-somethings. They just don't know. That's okay, I once didn't know. I thought I did, but I didn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's what I'm thinking about lately. Lara Antipova. I always wanted to look like Lara Antipova. Her long skirts, cozy sweaters, fur, fantastic face, and tragic loving.

I hear snow is coming. I'll have to (finally) put away my flats and pull on those boots. I think I'm the only one in Minnesota who hasn't worn boots yet this year. I just couldn't do it.

But it will be fun once it does start!

Get out there and squeeze the water from those damn logs my peeps.

Love, Love, Love

I know everyone thinks their grandchildren are the cutest.

I know everyone thinks their grandchildren are the smartest.

I know everyone thinks these things.

The difference with me is that it is true.

:)

What? you say?  I'm pretentious you say? Well, yes I am, but no big surprise there hmm?

All I have to say to any of this is look at this face and tell me I'm wrong.

Boy Baby-Doll
8 lbs 10 oz
21 3/4 inches

BTW - aren't those the cutest little man-boobs you've ever seen? I kiss his head a thousand times.

His momma is a Warrior Princess and his daddy is a dad extraordinaire.

You Belong to Me

We are on high alert right now waiting for our Baby-Doll, grandchild. It could be any minute.

ANY MINUTE

The thought that I could be singing like this with our new little Tater Tot soon is overwhelming. Yeah I know I don't play the ukulele, but is that important? Hmm?  ;)

Meanwhile, enjoy this. It's just about the cutest thing I've seen in weeks.

@the Movies - Have You Been Bad?

Pup and I like going to the movies. So we see lots of them! I've always been a nut for movies, once in high school my girlfriends and I saw four movies in one day. We were downtown St. Paul and just kept going from theatre to theatre.

Also in high school I would ride the bus miles and miles to see showings of hard to find movies (no VCRs peeps!) like Gone with the Wind and anything with The Marx Brothers.

It started for me when my parents got a color TV and put the family b&w in my bedroom. I would stay up late with the sound turned totally down and watch old films. Fell in love with Jimmy Stewart, Kathryn Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, Cary Grant, etc.

When I was married to Wasband and the family was young, Saturday night was movie night. We'd make homemade popcorn with butter and watch two films. One for the kids and one for us. As the kids got older they either watched both or were not there at all. When they were wee tiny things they only watched the first one.

My first job was in a movie theatre and it was one of Pup's first jobs as well. He managed one of the large city theaters.

So, most weekends we are either watching something here at the Chez Emerson or going out to the movies.

Last evening we went to one of those renovated theaters. The trend around these parts is to pull out many of the seats, replace them with loungers (yes! with reclining footrests!) and they have assigned seating. Which is heavenly.

One of our favorite places has VIP seating where you are not only in in your private little two-some chairs with tables flanking you, but you can bring a cocktail in with you. Love!

Last night we saw The Counselor.

Michael Fassbender, Penélope Cruz, Cameron Diaz, Javier Bardem, Brad Pitt.

IMBD says: A lawyer finds himself in over his head when he gets involved in drug trafficking.

Director: Ridley Scott

Writer: Cormac McCarthy

I always love drug-infused movies. I don't know why. It's a sick fascination? Maybe. Or it's enthralling to see a world I'll never be a part of. Thank you whoever-is-in-charge of such things!

The surprise in this movie is Cameron Diaz. She plays a villainous part to perfection. She is beautiful, ugly, brilliant, frightening. When she is on screen you want her to stay there.

I got lost a few times in the plot. That's why I love the after-movie-discussions. They always fill in the plot holes for me. And I fill in a few for whoever I'm with.

There is blood and violence. Sexual content, but no nudity. Pup was bummed as he always is when there are no breasts to see!

Javier Bardem is great as well!

I say worth a seat in the theatre.

Overheard

I am always lookin for sumthin. 

We are out with Momma Betty. We are in a bar/grill type place. Sitting in a booth. There is a a threesome (ha) of women sitting behind us.

One of the women is talking. I'm not wholly aware of her at first. Then after a few minutes (we were being kinda quiet in our booth) I can't not be aware of her.

She is talking talking talking. About nothing nothing nothing.

I can't stop listening. I listen to her talk about mayonnaise. How she hates mayonnaise. How the restaurant put mayonnaise on her sandwich. "Why would they put mayonnaise on this sandwich?"

I want to hit her. I want to take her sandwich and shove it deep into her mouth, maybe down her throat.

I wonder to myself why she makes me so mad. Why is her being over the top inane bothering me?

Pup and I are in the car today. Talking about people bugging us. I say, "It bothered me that that woman bothered me. What if I'm that woman at times? What if someone wants to chew off their arm to get away from my inaneness? What if I'm that woman?"

We laugh. We laugh at each other. Because we know that sometimes, yes sometimes, all of us are that woman. We dwell on something inane. We tell a story maybe once or twice too often.

Remember that quote? “No matter how good she looks - no matter how sweet she talks - somebody, somewhere is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.” We are all that woman at one time or another.

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. 
~Anonymous

For No Apparent Reason

Let's have a Marilyn day.

Couldn't you just swoon looking at this? Lovely.

Now, That's a Good Body

I've been blessed with a good body.

No, not that way you schnook. (Excuse the Yiddish. I'm obsessed.)

I mean that my body is healthy, strong, in a certain light appealing, and nicely reactive. It works mostly how I need it to work and if it doesn't work a certain way it responds rather quickly to learning something new.

Kinda like my brain.

So, with this blessing comes accountability. Meaning, if it isn't behaving the way I need it to; who can I point at? Why, that would be me!

Yep and yes. Done and done. Had to be said. For me, the visual word is so much better than a thought. So here's my visual Mr. DeMille! (cue vague movie-reference). Bloop!

~~~~~~~~

Sidenote Thought - Going to the Movies

Pup, Shelley-Belly, and I went to see Gravity.

I might be the ONLY person on the planet (yuck yuck yuck) that didn't like this movie. For whatever reason, I was unable to suspend belief. I have a feeling it was my mood, but maybe a flaw in me. Who knows. I HATED it. Pup and SB liked it! I do love Sandra Bullock and George makes me laugh. But it was a nogo that evening.

::sad face::

In a bizarre, validating kind of way, it made me feel good to hate this movie. I usually love every movie I see and feel very pollyannaish in that.

Or I'm a bitch and going to fry in hell.

You pick!

Sunday Funday!

Love These Like She Loved These

The weather has turned.

That's okay by me. As I've said, I do love summer, but grow weary of hot days. I have always enjoyed the dreary, rainy aspect that some fall days have. And I enjoy entering a different portion of my closet.

I spent one dreary, fall day at the auction of my dear friend Reechie. She and her adorable husband Neily sold their farm and are moving far far away. Maybe to return part-time here, but maybe not.

:(

I saw her grouping of luncheon plates and whispered to my friend Deb-oh-rah, "Don't let me bid of those."

Then about 30 minutes later I made her promise to ignore what I had just said.

Hello!

I used to own this set (or one just like it) way back in the day although I didn't have any cups. When I left my wasband I didn't take these with me. I mourned them the minute I left them with him. Along with a lot of outfits and such I impulsively donated. What a doofus.

So . . . I bid on these. I bid against Neily's daughter. I bid aggressively and got them. I apologized to the daughter, but said, "These were going to be mine!" She can find another set. Frankly, they are all over the place. My beautiful, tiny friend Shelley-Belly told me her daddy used to broker these luncheon plates (and other styles) back when she was even tinier.

While Neily was carrying these to my car (smooches to a gentleman) he said, "You know, if I had known you wanted these, you could have had them!"

I just grinned at him. I liked buying them from their farm. Now, as I told Reechie, every time I have guests and serve snacks on these lovelies I will think of her and her gorgeous farm.

When I got them home Pup simply said, "What is this gristle?" That's his word for all my treasures. He's kidding. I think.

:)

It's Saturday! I am attending a baby class with my ready-to-pop Bella (that baby is so close I can smell him!) and then off to the office with Pup for some rearranging. What are y'all doing?

Dance Like Everyone is Watching

Yes?

I cannot stop watching. Makes me want to get a pumpkin face.

The thumb might be the part making me wheeze with laughter. Haha!

Do It Anyway

Must Be Fall

• Wild turkeys meeting me at the office door every day (yes, I live in the city) - check!
• Cat crouched and pawing under cupboards hunting for what I dare not think about - check!
• All of my petunias looking a little leggy and sad - check!
• The deck looking bereft and neglected - check!
• The soft top up on my Wrangler. Maybe ready to put on hardtop - check!
• The sky and afternoon sun so gorgeous - check!
• Magazines the size of the old Sears catalog waiting for me to reread - check!
• Craving and just-about-ready-to-buy Wellies - check!
• On hands and knees finding shoes in my closet - check!
• Cute feetsies protesting when I still put on my Havaianas - check!
• New kitty Oliver getting ready to lose his nutletts - check!

The last one has nothing to do with fall, but our spring-born kitty is having his snipping today. He's all happy right now running around the house like he still has testicles. Because he still does have testicles.

Kiss them goodbye Oliver. Lick them one last time. Because you can.

Guess what! He's doing it!

Primal Blueprint 21-Day Challenge

I've flirted with this for a while. This morning while cruising around I read Mark's Daily Apple and saw a challenge had started a few days ago.

I'm jumping in right now. Even though I just had peanut-butter-sprouted-wheat-toast a few minutes ago.

I'm in! Anyone else?

Here's to Day One.

Coffee Anyone?

I'm having mine! Here's some for you.

I actually own that coffeepot! It makes me crazily happy that Marilyn touched one just like it. I am so damn weird.

Poop today like you're in your own bathroom.

Apologies - it's like that today! Heh.

Mark This Day - Grow

It's five o'clock in the morning.

I'm standing on our porch. Crying. Phone in hand. The ambulance has just left our driveway with Pup in it. I'm rattled and I've left my keys in the house. They are not in my hand where I need them.

I call my son-in-law. He and my daughter live seven blocks from us and I know he will have his phone on.

"B," I say, "I locked myself out. Could you come and let me in? Pup is in an ambulance with severe chest pain. Please come and let me in." I'm sobbing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't know it in that moment. In that moment I didn't know it was muscle spasms in his chest. I didn't even know chest muscles could spasm so painfully. My husband is not the kind of guy to complain. He powers through everything. So in that moment, the fact that he was in so much pain, the fact that he asked me to call 911, the fact that I watched him being taken into an ambulance, was swirling around on the top of my brain.

I didn't know any of that. I packed a bag with shoes, sweatpants. I put my hair up. I dressed. I let George out because I didn't know when we'd be back. I did not think about what was happening. I collected my stuff and didn't worry about collecting my mind.

Until I left. Until I left and locked myself out. And called my son-in-law. That's when I thought about it. I cried on the porch.

It was muscle spasms. Painful, horrible, but not a heart attack. That's what I didn't want my mind to think. Heart attack. It was muscle spasms.

Pup is snoring away next to me in The Big Room. He is sleeping. He is full of oxycodone. He is full of muscle relaxers. He is snoring and in between snores he watches The Red Zone. He has muscle spasms in his chest. Hallelujah.

Mark this day. Mark this day.

Hot Friday - The Firm Edition

. . . just because. I do love showcasing hot guys, but women are hot too yes? And other things are hot. Shoes are hot. Fall fashion is hot. Yep. There is a lot of hot around. We shouldn't be so stingy!

I've been at The Firm (let's try this name out for a while) for a couple of weeks now. We're heavily into transitioning files and reorganizing. My office is coming together bit by bit. Right now we're moving out ugly vertical filing cabinets and replacing them with lovely lateral filing cabinets. New ones arrived yesterday and we installed them into Pup's office and they are BREATHTAKING. Yup. Who knew this stuff could give me design-boners? Hmmm? Everything is a design opportunity apparently.

We will be moving the laterals we have in our home office into my Firm office over the weekend. So my time has been spent transitioning the client files we bought into the filing system and folder system we prefer. Pup is biz as usual and transitioning all of his client files into the software The Firm will be using. Very dry stuff. But necessary.

So everything looks a hot hot mess at this moment. You know how transitions are. At first everything is flying through the air until it all lands in place perfectly. Like Samantha Stevens' witchcraft. Oh I love that woman.

I have one shot of the office. Don't judge just yet. This is just the first piece. I'll take some better photos when I'm further along.

It will be lovely.

See that globe in the bookcase? I found that thrifting with Deb-oh-rah. It lights up. Touch the base 1-2-3 and it the brightness goes dim-medium-bright. I love it! So tacky.

Offices are tricky to arrange. I redesigned Pup's office last year with new furniture and I made him rearrange. He kicked and screamed, but had to admit in the end it was a good change. Much more efficient set up now. And his office furniture is lovely! He's a professional and his office should look that way. The next step in his transformation will be his style! Heh! He likes me to style his daily look. So we're going shopping for him soonly.

My office fashion has so far been cuffed jeans with t-shirts or the occasional casual long summer skirt. Mostly because some of the time I'm on my hands and knees rummaging through a box or running back and forth between our offices with armloads of hard files. It's fun though.

I've been listening to music through Spotify (smooches to Lorenzo) and one day it was all John Legend and one day it was all Amy Winehouse. Love love love.

Here's a little tribute to working in an office. It's all about distraction.


Amy Amy Amy

Attracts me, till it hurts to concentrate,
Distract me, stop me doing work I hate
Just to show him how it feels;
I walk past his desk in heels
One leg resting on the chair
From the side he pulls my hair.

[Chorus:]
Amy Amy Amy
Although I've been here before
Amy Amy Amy
He's just too hard to ignore
Masculine you spin a spell
I think you'd wear me well
Amy Amy Amy
Where's my moral parallel?

It takes me half an hour to write a verse
He makes me imagine it from bad to worse
My weakness for the other sex
Every time his shoulders flex
The way the shirt hangs off his back
My train of thought spins right off track

[Chorus]

His own style, right down to his Diesel jeans
Immobile, I can't think by any means
Underwear peeks out the top
I'll let you know when you should stop
From the picture my mind drew
I know I'd look good on you

[Chorus]

Creative energy abused
All my lyrics go unused
When I clock black hair blue eyes
I drift off I fantasize

[Chorus x2]

And one more just because. I know y'all won't, but you guys should take a few minutes and watch this one. Fantastic song and if you were/are an Amy fan, very very touching. Kick it up this weekend hooches.

Even Marilyn Did It

Avoided empty carbs that is!

I think that's sauerkraut on that dog isn't it?

This woman was light-years ahead of all of us. She did strength training y'all!

I am digging her workout outfit.

I had a girl day yesterday. Met a couple of friends in a town far away for a little digging and drinkin' and talkin'. Super fun. And I scored a couple of things that made one of my friends look at me with a face that said, "I thought I knew you."

I always have a vision. You just might not like it. Ha!

Yes, that is another skull (have I shown the other one I have? Or the 8-point buck antlers I have from a car-kill I was involved in years ago? I forget. I'll share soon.

And yes, that's another paint-by-number gem. There's a mid-century magazine rack out in the garage as well. I am thinking it will look good in my new office - maybe? I'm still thinking about that one. I'll post shots of the office (still pondering a name for our office - nothing is coming just yet) when it's more towards completion. Still waiting for a few key pieces like filing laterals. Ha!

Smooches to you my friends and let's eat and move à la Marilyn!

Hot Men Friday

Aaron Paul

Are any of you Breaking Bad fans? The final few episodes are coming up and I, frankly, am riveted every Sunday night.

Pup and I have been watching this since the beginning and I'd love to banter back and forth about how this show is a microcosm of life as we might know it and understand it, but I don't have the brain-power. Heh! If you DO watch it you get what I am trying to say - and that's what I love about all of you peeps that read me - you just might get me. In my mind you get me. Not many do. Least of all me!

This is Jesse Pinkman. A character from Breaking Bad. An anti-hero. A very unlikely one at that. His character development has been astounding. The writers on this show have imaginations so dark and true it scares me.

I loves me some Jesse Pinkman. In gif format y'all! I am a bit obsessed with gifs at the moment. Forgiveness might be needed.

. . . and like the advice Mr. White is receiving, you can either run from things or you can face them. Jesse style!

It's nearly fall everyone! Not that I'm ever sorry to see summer go, but I always do love fall. Beginnings! Pup and I have started something, finally, and I now work for him. Again, I have a boss that wants to spank me on the daily. I am HR so I'm in a quandary! Hehehe. It's okay, his spankings are more like love taps. Oh wait! They are love taps. Smooches to my Pup, new biz owner.

I need a pseudonym for our biz . . . hmm . . . I'll have to think on this a minute.

Get out there and break some bad of your own!

For No Apparent Reason

Song of Perfect Propriety
by Dorothy Parker

Oh, I should like to ride the seas,
A roaring buccaneer;
A cutlass banging at my knees,
A dirk behind my ear.
And when my captives' chains would clank
I'd howl with glee and drink,
And then fling out the quivering plank
And watch the beggars sink.

I'd like to straddle gory decks,
And dig in laden sands,
And know the feel of throbbing necks
Between my knotted hands.
Oh, I should like to strut and curse
Among my blackguard crew . . . .
But I am writing little verse,
As little ladies do.

Oh, I should like to dance and laugh
And pose and preen and sway,
And rip the hearts of men in half,
And toss the bits away.
I'd like to view the reeling years
Through unastonished eyes,
And dip my finger-tips in tears,
And give my smiles for sighs.

I'd stroll beyond the ancient bounds,
And tap at fastened gates,
And hear the prettiest of sound-
The clink of shattered fates.
My slaves I'd like to bind with thongs
That cut and burn and chill . . . . 
But I am writing little songs,
As little ladies will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loves me some Dorothy.

Shower Her with Love

Bella and her Grandma

My daughter, Lorenzo, and I hosted a baby shower for the Baby-Doll at my house last weekend. Barnabee jetted off back home on Thursday (her son came to Minnesota to accompany them on the plane - so nice!) and I have talked to my dad a time or two since they arrived home. He sounds so tired. Now that he's back home I am trying to not worry about what is going to happen next. I have no control over that so . . . so . . . I don't know what! I'll think about that later Miss Scarlett.

So the Baby-Doll shower. Thursday evening, after Pup and I drove Barnabee to the airport where I nearly lost their luggage, (that's another story for another day) Lorenzo and I braved the huge and efficient Costco and Party City for shower food and fun.

Friday evening Bella came over to help me clean Chez Emerson (lovely girls I have) and watching her work around her growing belly just fills my heart with unbelievable joy. I am seriously in love with this baby. It's a little scary. I'm going to relish being a Gigi. Whoooha! Love love love - all you need is love.

On Saturday morning Lorenzo and Bella came early to help set up. Lorenzo came bearing little naked-baby ice cubes (omg - so adorable we were dying), makings for mimosas, and a million other things. (I could tell the story of the adorable RM - Lorenzo's boy - having to come not once, but twice to our house bringing things forgotten, but let's leave it that he's an amazing man and good in a pinch. You have to love a man that will be there for you even though he'd rather not. Smooches to RM)

Lorenzo is a very linear thinker. Thank god. I'm a very randomized thinker. Thank god again. Bella is very diplomatic. God is good to me.

Between all of us things got done although at one point while I was hunting down tiny scissors for a shower project I heard Lorenzo exclaim, "Where is she now??" I have always wished my brain worked in a predictable way, but it doesn't. I weave and bob rather than march along. Very, very easily distracted. I think this feeds my creativity. I like this explanation much more than any other that could explain my brain. Ha! I am laughing! Thank you God, yet again.

The shower invitees were my family, Bella's in-laws, my wasband's family including his wife, Pup's family, all my friends that have known Bella - new and old. Yes, we did it all in a swoop. My longtime and lovely friend Reechie thought me insane. I told her, "It will work. It will." And it did.

I didn't get a photo of it, but at one point, both of my mother-in-laws were sitting in a large chair together and I couldn't resist saying, "Both of my momma-in-laws are here!" If this makes anyone uncomfortable I'm sorry. The two of them looked happy. I hope they were.

And even though I did shush one of my sister-in-laws (oh I am such a pain in the ass) the afternoon went well. Bella received lots of lovely things for the Baby-Doll, we ate really good, and it was fun to see people that I haven't seen in ages.

Only one person from my family came and that was a wonderful surprise for all of us. My lovely, lovely niece (my brother's daughter) and her two gorgeous and energetic daughters. That meant a lot to Bella and to me that she came. It couldn't have been comfortable for her and I love it that she put that aside.

After the shower, my friends Deb-oh-rah, Shelley-belly, Teri (Bella's godmother), and wasband's wife stayed along with both of my girls. We sat in the living room talking like girls talk and the laughing and stories were endless entertainment for Pup who pretended to hide in the office "working".

We suddenly looked up and saw that it was 10:30! The shower had started at 2:00. I got a note from Teri a day or two later stating that it was not only the most fun shower she has ever attended, but the longest as well. Ha!

I am blessed.

I Love Cocktails

I realized that the past three or more posts have had a photo of a cat. Enough already. I'm starting to scare myself. Hehehe

Here's where my head is this morning. I had a gin and tonic on the deck last night with Momma Bee (she had a Dr Pepper) and while I normally don't drink too much gin, it was delicious and refreshing. And it was alcohol.

:)

My Makers Mark is in The Guest House which is at my BIL's shop. Gah! What was I thinking leaving that important thing in the galley?? So thoughtless of me.

According to these photos I stole from Facebook, I'm the coolest person ever because I drink Manhattans, red wine, and whiskey.

Well, I always knew it. Now it's official.

It's all smoke and mirrors! But smoke and mirrors do belong in a bar and I would LOVE to be in a bar right now even though it is 10:30 in the morning.

I'm kidding!

Is your bed made yet today? Get on it!

Smooches on your pooches.

Tears Dry on Their Own

He had fur just like a dandelion. 

Oh my blog! My sweet, cathartic, ridiculous blog.

I feel the need to get thoughts out, yet am hesitant to do so. Do you ever wonder if the need to keep things "close to the vest" is more than simple self-protection, but a deeper denial than we could imagine?

I've been working on self-awareness. At times I even doubt if I fully understand what that could mean. I do feel that I self-catastrophize and blame myself for things that are not my fault. I have a hard time not believing I'm to blame for all things which, perversely, is rather boastful of me. Who the hell am I to believe that I am the arbiter of all that is bad for the cryin' out loud? Hmm?   :)

Do I know why? I don't. I work on myself. I'm still in the oven baking apparently. That's okay. At least I'm changing. Ha!

My dad had a smallish stroke a week ago. I say smallish only because he has minimal residual damage. Some speech impairment and a bit of weakness on his right side. I know it does not seem smallish to him. The instant loss of independence is hard on him and I also know while the brain is healing from such a bad thing he is reeling emotionally.

My dad lives in Idaho with his 2nd wife. We, his family, live in Minnesota. He and Momma Bee had been at the Mayo Clinic for Bee's follow-up surgery for an issue she was having last summer and fall. They had driven from their Idaho home to Rochester and Bee's daughter had flown here to be with her momma during the surgery.

It went well, she was recuperating at her brother's house, Barnabee (a moniker my sweet Pup dealt to them - Barney and Bee) had decided to head for home. The early morning before they were set to leave my dad had his stroke.

Now starts the rollercoaster.

It's emotional to see my dad going through this thing.

He remarried and moved to Idaho with his wife back in 2005 a few months after my momma died.

This was a hard thing for us. For me. My mom was gone after a long illness, then my dad uprooted and moved a long distance away. We were supportive because why should my dad be alone? He would have been miserable.

The hard thing has always been that suddenly he was gone. He has new step-children he loves, a new life. I am happy for him, yet, selfishly, sad for me that he isn't here in Minnesota with us.

So my dad has lived in Idaho for nearly eight years.

Pup and I went to visit them a couple of years ago and frankly it was somewhere I'm not in a fast hurry to get back to.

They live a nice, quiet life in Bee's house with one of her sons right next door which is lovely and perfect. I'm more a city girl (obviously) and sitting in the quiet life for several days watching The History Channel was enough for me.

You all know I'm teasing here. It was great to see Barnabee and a few quiet days spent to visit with my dad was okay by me.

They live near a town that is bigger and I do think it could be fun to check that out when I get back there.

But, let's get back to the now of it as I am distracting myself. It's a gift peeps!

When my dad was released from the hospital I said they needed to come home with us until we figured out what was what.

Three visits to the emergency room, one by ambulance ride, and six days later, we now see that our little house with its one bathroom and very small den/guestroom is woefully inadequate for the care and feeding of two elderly patients.

I love my dad.

I haven’t spent much time with him in the past nine years mostly because of where they live. He has gotten older. I have gotten older. Hook this onto the fact that I am not his favorite child and hook this onto the fact that he is going through way more than I can realize in the aftermath of a stroke and trying to heal along with his wife who is recovering from a fairly major surgery.

Whew

I am bone tired. They have been with us for these six days and there is little time in the day that I’m not seeing to their needs. And that is good. I’m surprised, but not of a complaining mind.

What am I saying?

I’m nervous today. Nervous because my brother who doesn’t speak to me is coming with my sister to see Dad.

I said to Pup, “I can make myself scarce so they aren’t uncomfortable.”

“Don’t you dare,” said my sweet husband. “Don’t you dare – this is your house. They can fuck themselves.”

He loves me and I think he is going on a protective binge which makes me want to squeeze him, the sweet thing. He has watched me cry and knows that all of this is hard. I am trying to keep myself calm. I will be calm.

I need to discover and annihilate what it is that keeps me scared about this stupid situation. What am I scared of? I think I’m scared of me.

Keep the peace hooches. I am hiding in my head today until I have to reveal. Wish me luck!

What's on My Samsung?

Well hello there.

You've missed me.

Oh come on - I know it! I have a face just made for missing.

Let me have my dreamy thoughts. It could happen!

What a summer it has been yes? Gorgeous around these parts. Lovely, balmy, calm, and just a tad - umm - just a tad . . . you know what? I'm not going to finish that thought.

Here's a few shots of some of what I've been doing.

Camping.

George driving.

I thought my dad needed to know about this. Since he's from New Ulm Minnesota and all. 

This made me giggle because I'm a 12 year-old boy. Yup.

New addition to the Chez Emerson zoo. This is Oliver.

I managed to re-bloom an orchid! I was disproportionately excited. 

Got new patio furniture. Made Pup move it from one spot to the next. He's still speaking to me.

Another shot of the crazy-eyed Oliver. He's kinda cute. 

I have become one of those people that takes too many photos of her pets. Soon you will find kitty litter in my hair and I will tenderly pick fur off of my leggings. That I wear as pants. People will whisper, "She used to be so fun! She used to be so stylish!" Gah

What have you been doing this summer?

Gathering Moss

Transition.

Are you a lover of that word? Transition.

From thesaurus.com
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: change, often major
Synonyms: alteration, changeover, conversion, development, evolution, flux, growth, metamorphosis, metastasis, passage, passing, progress, progression, realignment, shift, transformation, transit, transmutation, turn, turning point, upheaval
Antonyms: beginning, conclusion, end, finish, introduction, sameness, stagnation, start

Do you love what it might mean? Mean for you? Mean in general? Mean for propulsion? Your propulsion?

I'm not alluding to any major change. Not truly. But of course yes, yes a bit. Change.

Because if you're not moving and changing, you're still. And being still could mean you're stuck. I know this isn't good. I know because I'm a veteran of being stuck. Therefore I've become very very good at kicking my own ass. You know, to get it moving.

I make that effort mostly because it's my nature. I make that effort because I do care to improve. I make that effort because change is not comfortable for me and I need to challenge that portion of me always or I'd just be at home with those I love and never venture out. Although, remarkably, I've done many many things in my past and those that know me may have thought, "Oh! That took some balls." Maybe they thought that.

So hallelujah! Thank goodness that something pushes me. It might be me. It might be circumstance. It might be desire. It might be necessity. Yes! Yes, and yes is my favorite word.

Our little Calvin. Sleep peacefully forever now little dude. Smooches and I will miss your annoying ass.