Day Seven - Meaningful Experience

I'm at the lake for the weekend for my 3-4 week check on the place.

That is meaningful all by itself.

I was listening to a podcast (latest obsession) last week and part of the talk was about order and simplicity and how when your physical world is in order you feel in order. I've known this my entire life!

When I had my corporate job my boss was constantly baffled by my needing a vacation day from time to time to organize and clean house. I would always tell her, "when my floors are clean, my mind is clean."

That's what I'm doing today. Cleaning my happiest of happy places and finding a new clean space in my mind.

"You Are a Bitch!" "No, That's Just My Face."

I have resting-bitch-face. I didn't know this was a thing. I knew something was wrong with my face (easy there . . .) a long time ago, but until I actually saw this phrase I didn't know what to call it!

It catches me off guard at times. I'm happily in, say, Target. Shopping, putting crap in my cart, wandering around in the office supply area (obsessed), or looking for 3 oz cups for the bathroom (where the hell are they anyway??) when I catch sight of my face in an unexpected mirror.

Aaah! There is my face. Frowning. Brow wrinkled. Mouth turned down. It always catches me off guard. I look closer into the mirror. There it is. The face. The face I'm presenting. What is going on? I'm happy in this moment. I'm wandering and thinking and shopping. Why the face?

I look again. I adjust my posture. I relax my face. I put on a pleasant expression. Now I look more like I feel. What is going on?

I think it's partly an introverted thing. Introverts get entirely lost in their own thoughts. Lost and unaware. The awareness that is lost expresses itself across the face. Resting Bitch Face. I think it's that simple.

Gah - I get headaches sometimes worrying about shit like this. Self-awareness woman!

I found this fantastic article about introverts on playfullytacky.com that I could have written. 

Originally found here.

Things You Should Know About Introverts

1) We need to recharge alone. This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert vs extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds. I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence. I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule for dealing with introverts – don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) Just because we are introverted doesn’t mean we are shy. Introvert and shy are actually two different things.

5) We can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But, here is the thing, I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

6) We aren’t judging you. Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I’m not judging you; I’m just wrapped up in my thoughts with my bitchy-resting-face on. I might have even forgotten you were there. Sorry, just poke me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

7) We secretly love it when you cancel plans. I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

8) We can get very wrapped up in our own thoughts. My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100 percent on top of it!

9) We can be pretty bad at connecting. You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

10) We don’t like to hang around. That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

11) We have strong opinions. Just because I have difficulty sharing them sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. Give me an extra minute to compose my thoughts and I will continue to push myself to speak up sooner. It is a give and take here.

If You Like It Then You Better Put a Ring on It

Ha! Haha is what I say!

There; I had to get that out. Like stretching, laughing is purifying yes?

Today is the 15th of July. That frightens me. Summer is scooching by with an alarming speed. I'm love love loving this summer. We've only had our central air on twice or so. Emoji for happiness! Lots of rain which has made a very lush lawn, but has caused lots of flooding all over. It's never perfect as we know. Mother Nature just can't be equitable. She's over here; she's over there. She is random in her gifts and random in her penalties. I do love her. She's a woman. Never be too predictable.

We recently went to Vegas for a family trip to celebrate my birthday and me and Pup's fifth anniversary. Pup, me, Lorenzo, Rand-Man (I hope this is my final alliteration of the boy's name), and Bella. Bella's husband, B, stayed home with Spud, but we missed him.

Five years? I've joked for a few years how we are newlyweds. I guess I'll have to put that joke to bed. Five years is a chunk of time! We had gotten married in Vegas so we always said we would return to the scene of the crime for our fifth.

Pup and I had taken an earlier flight on a Thursday and the kidlettes were arriving that evening. While we were hanging about watching the soccer match in the sports book when Pup's phone rang.

It was Rand-Man asking Pup a question. Would we mind, since it was our vacation to celebrate, would we mind if he asked Lorenzo to marry him while in Vegas? He had a ring in his pocket that was quite literally (I know that isn't correct) burning a hole in his pocket.

Would we mind???

My squeals were loud and maybe just a little bourbon infused. Pup and I giggled the rest of the day.

We were sworn to silence. We can keep a secret if we have to. Pup especially is very good at it. He does have five sisters after all. He is the sister-whisperer and can keep a secret like no other. Even from me at times.

It was hard to zip it with the kidlettes once they arrived! Our happiness was concealed by the fact that, yes, we were entirely happy to see all of them. But now came the hard part. We had to wait for Randy to decide when the right time was to spring it on Lorenzo.

The following day we were hanging out in the pool, having a laughing and talking and lounging and drinking time. Oh so fun. Towards the later afternoon Rand-Man asked Lorenzo to go up to the room for a bit. She wriggled her eyebrows in a teasing fashion and we all said, "oooooh??" So classy.

Later, Bella, Pup, and I were in our suite and the knock came on the door and they swooped in to tell us the news. Much crying and looking at the ring and more crying. Such happiness.

I won't give all of his proposal speech here, but one part that touched me (out of plenty of parts let me tell you) he said that she was already family to him and would she become family for real. He is a very family-oriented man. We do love him. And now he is part of our family

The gifts in my life just keep coming.

I Can't Hula Hoop

I've tried and tried. I don't have the swing in my fling. I don't have the motion in my ocean. It bugs! I have a lovely pink (super-gendering! Apologies Bella!) one that shushes with every movement. If I could get it to move.

I've watched people. It seems endlessly easy! Move your trunk around. I do it and it slides down, down, down, to my knees and before you know it, I look like a prospector that has just found gold. Hopping up and down like my shaker has a boatload in it. Yeah, that's what I said.

Grump!

I also cannot navigate my way out of my driveway. I can't move like Beyoncé. I tried once and actually thought I heard something cracking! Ha!

I can't get my body into Ketosis. I can't stand oil pulling. I can't back out of a parking space without leaving about 20 feet between me and whatever the hell is behind me (spazz). I can't make a cake look pretty. I can't walk into a party alone. I can't put on makeup. I can't think. I can't grocery shop without a list.

I have a bunch of things I can do, but writing all of this today made me laugh!

I was in our basement looking for something a day or so ago and found my lonely hula hoop. Propped up against a pile of games. It looked so fun! I picked it up and shook it - listening to the little beads shushing shushing around. I want to hula!

I placed it around my waist. Made the rocking motions I imagine will work. It falls to the ground with a thunk and thud. Gah!

I think I'll go bike riding! I can do that!

What frustrating thing can't you do?

Do It Anyway

Just in Time for Summer - SUMMER!

It's gorgeous. It's lovely. It's A+mazing. It is everything I want. And everything I need.

It rains some days. Long soaking rains that, even though they bring down tons of leaves and mini-branches from that f-ing cottonwood tree next door, (the biggest tree in my first-ring town out of Minneapolis) wash everything clean and shiny and frankly, feed my slightly morose side that loves gray, dreary days. Nothing wrong with a little dreary permission to feed that side for a minute.

But then out breaks the sun. The lovely sun. Flooding the sky, the yard, my hair - flooding good moods all around here.

I've been working on a bit of flowers around the Chez Emerson (yeah, me!) and enjoying how lovely their wet and droopy little heads look in the early morning and how proud and tall they are in the early afternoon.

I work on filling pots just out of George's reach; beyond the gated area of our yard. He cries with his ball in his mouth. He wants me to throw that ball a million times and then a million and one just because. I'm certain the neighbors think I'm killing him. He moans and wails - you've never heard such a din.

I run to Target to buy a few things and laugh out loud when I get to my car because I'm driving with the top down and get to simply throw everything through the roof. Who wouldn't love doing that? I drive around with my new summer hat and braid my hair so I can comb it later. Who cares about hair right now? It's a horrible mess, but I don't give a rat's ass. Well, maybe that rat does, but I sure don't. It's bad hair; I don't want to fight it.

I grill with Pup - yes, of course, that's me! Heh. We eat on the patio. We talk about the grandbaby that is coming. We talk about the next couple of months. We stare into space and daydream.

Yes, it's just in time.

btw - It's Paul McCartney's birthday! Hey Jude you dude.

It's Friday!

Get your happy on!

Be the Cat

Toes need love too.

I wake with a headache.

I tumble down the stairs and flop on the sofa in The Big Room, pull the laptop onto my lap (what a handy name don't you think?).

I'm maybe in a mood. I'm not a fan of being in moods. You know I'm talking about a bad mood right? I feel the overwhelming urge to add a smiley face, but I'm too crabby.  :)

And the headache is still firmly in place.

I don't eat too many carbs and yesterday I was kinda on a carb-fest. Could this be my punishment?

I want to go to the kitchen and make myself some coffee, but the cat DK has already claimed my thighs as hers and she really feels so cozy laying there with her little arms shoved under the MacBook that is on my thighs.

I have lots of things to do today and don't really have time for a bad mood. What's up with bad moods anyway? They surely don't help the things I have to do today. They surely don't help any crappy family situations that may or may not have occurred yesterday. I don't want to be cryptic, but I am feeling cryptic.

Ironically I was telling my NP yesterday during my yearly how happy I mostly feel. Happy like an idiot is how I put it. She laughed out loud at the thought. Me being an idiot or me being happy? I'm not too sure! Ha!

Here's what I need to do today. Be the cat. Take a deep breath. Take a step back. Let family handle family. My headache won't change a thing. My crabbiness won't help a thing. In particular it won't help me.

I love all of them, but I'm kinda important too.

And I really hate headaches.

Violently Happy

I can change from being pissed off to being happy but I don't see it as bipolar I see it as being a girl.
~ Unknown

Some people are so stressed trying to be perfectly flawless, but I'm so HAPPY to be perfectly flawed.
~ Unknown

Happiness is the delicate balance between what one is and what one has.
~ Unknown

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
~ Herm Albright

True happiness is singing at the top of your lungs in your car while the people in the car next to you are staring.
~ Unknown

What are you all doing to get your happy on this gorgeous Memorial Day?

Smooches my hooches.