Remember?

I used to LOVE blogging. It didn't matter who was listening or what I said or where I was.

Then it dried up. I didn't have any more to say. If you knew me you'd say, "Liar! You say plenty and you say it often!"

Yeah, that's true, but I'm not talking about my inappropriate yapping. Not that I do that!

::insert emoji with hands on her face, head tilted, innocent look:: (I'm really beginning to hate emojis)

Yeah, I do that sometimes. In fact, this past summer while up at the lake, early on when we were settling in, we had our dear friends over. They were helping us unpack and everything else! We were in the living room taking a break and we were talking and laughing about who knows. I made a joke about my blurting (for some reason) and my friend did her own blurt, "You should stop! Some day you're going to get stabbed!"

We all fell out laughing, but I've thought about that from time to time. I do blurt at times. And I talk about how I blurt. It seems I'm not alone with the blurting, but, probably because I talk about it too much, my blurting gets noticed. Or I'm just much worse than I think.

I didn't mean to get on here and blurt about blurting!

Maybe I did though.

I am blessed!

I've been on a research-binge the past few weeks. I'm always on the hunt for the reasons behind my problems. I won't go into the exact nature of my problems although that might be a good thing to write about eventually. A purging if you will. And maybe a good place to organize these thoughts. Because you know when the thoughts are wild I can't get no relief.

Frankly, that was the start for the research-binge. I have insomnia to a degree. For years now. I read over and fucking over how nothing is going to align with the gods in my life if I don't get the sleeping fixed. But how? I've done everything believe me. With varying degrees of success. Nothing ever everlasting.

I found a great doctor a few years ago that is helping me get balance (love him to death!). I found him just in the nick of time too I think. I was beginning to careen off road emotionally and inappropriately and that feeling is horrible. And as a woman of my age coping with these horrendous mood swings, the racing and negative thoughts, the inability to ever lose the weight I want, and the hot flashes! Holy shit the flashes. I was working retail at the time and I swear I was having at least 20-30 during a shift. I noticed them the most there because I was out in the public. Nothing more attractive than a sweaty woman helping you find an outfit or ringing up your purchase. Gah

So I found my lovely doctor and we have that part so much under control. I have maybe one or two a day! Oh blessed relief.

But no help on the insomnia.

Now, I'm not laying night after night awake like a zombie (is that what zombies do? I never jumped on the zombie wagon!), but I do not stay asleep. When those eyes pop open at 3 o'clock it's a sad sad morning.

So I fall asleep in odd places during the day. Often in the afternoons when I'm watching the sweet little Spud (he's 2 years-old now!) I'll sit down in the living room "for a minute" and oftentimes fall asleep. Dr. S says this is good. Naps are good for your heart. But I feel like I should be DOING something. You know? Not napping.

But, in addition to that, I fall asleep at the movies. Pup and I LOVE going to the movies. And there I am, asleep. We went to one recently and I gave up, rolled on my side (theatre had those lounge chairs), covered up with my pashmina, and took a $15 nap. wth

I am laughing so hard to myself right now! I didn't think I had anything to say and all of this is rolling out like silky sand.

So - long story short - or maybe just the tease of the beginning of this f-ing story - I'm sick of all this shit. Sick of knowing something is amiss.

So - while poking around for something else (isn't that always the way?) I stumbled on a vlog of a guy talking (he's not just a guy, he's a chiropractor) about this thing and that thing.

He had a little test and one of the questions was, "Do you have an intolerance of stupid people? Do you holler at people in traffic? Does no one do things right in your book? Do you walk in a room and only see the one thing out of place instead of all the in-place items?

I was dumbfounded by these questions. I thought I was just an asshole. I didn't know there could be a thing going on.

wtf??

I love this shit. I really do!

Apologies for all the swearing. That just flowed out like sewage, but maybe it was clogging my sweet innards. Heh!

So . . . here I am . . . looking for answers as I always am. I will report back.

Glensheen Mansion

I haven't toured this place since the 80s, but tPretty reminded me with a post on her blog of a morning room I saw all those years ago that has stuck with me all this time.

The Glensheen Mansion is the most beautiful place. Placed on the challenging shores of Lake Superior it is, in my mind, a little bit of Minnesota's Downton Abbey.

My wasband and I honeymooned in Duluth, Minnesota in 1981 and one of the things we did was tour the Glensheen Mansion. I can only say, gorgeous.

The story of how it was built and the details is fascinating by itself, but then add a mysterious murder and stories of greed, mental illness, and death makes it all the more intriguing.

Here are some photos I found on Flickr of the mansion.

But the thing I remember clearest of the mansion? The morning room.

Do click on this photo for a larger peek at this beyond gorgeous room.

The soft green tiles, the ferns, the views of Lake Superior, the stained glass windows. I wanted to sit right down and have some coffee and read the paper. Forever. Well, maybe at least for a Sunday morning.

That sink! Again, click on this. 

omg - even better shot - CLICK!

Now excuse me; I need to check out that Flickr account with all the photos. Let's go and tour this wonderful place!

More links:
On Pinterest
https://glensheen.wp.d.umn.edu/about/
http://www2.css.edu/app/newslab/index.cfm?cat=2&art=167
http://www.midwestweekends.com/plan_a_trip/history_heritage/historic_houses/glensheen_tours.html

Paste the other links if you care to read more.

How You Sayin' Hello?

I was thinking this morning about a story an old friend told me a while ago about a time when she, along with her husband, visited her brother and his wife. I do know she has a difficult relationship with this particular brother, but the story struck me at the time.

They arrived at her brother's busy house. If memory serves (mine doesn't always serve the most nutritious stuff, but I'll try) her brother had a set of twin teenagers at the time and maybe another child? Busy and energetic house as I'm imagining. The part of the story I do remember her telling me is after arriving at her brother's house, she and her husband took themselves into the living room even though her brother and his family were hanging out in the kitchen/family room area.

I couldn't figure that part out, but she was really angry about this. Angry that her brother left her husband and herself in the living room alone. I didn't say anything, but my mind was screaming, "Why? Why weren't you in the kitchen with the rest of the family?"

Looking back, I believe she wanted to be angry with her brother. Given their tenuous relationship I can only imagine why the brother left the two of them in the living room. I imagined the house as large and noisy and energetic and the place to hang out would have been in the family room with the rest of the family. I still puzzle on this one.

At the recent Pup Family Christmas that we co-hosted I had a few family members say, "Edith was here all day and never said a word to me." "Arthur sat there and never spoke to me."

When I hear others say this, I realize how idiotic it sounds. Because, yes, I've said those words as well. "They never talked to me all day." Which means I didn't talk to them. But I don't think any of us see it that way in the moment.

We sit in our seclusion, waiting for someone else to make the first move. Which isn't going to work in a family or situation where the others are waiting for the first move to come from you.

With the Pup Family, when first introduced so many years ago, the family dynamic was to not speak to the new person, which happened to be me. They are a more inclusive and perhaps shy bunch at the outset. And myself, as the new person, spring boarded off of this and I became the one who did not speak first. Probably because deep in me is that watch-and-wait thing that feeds into a bit of my introversion.

Of course, all these years later, I know some of them very well, some not so well, and some not at all. That's how it is sometimes yes? But it is never fair of me to say about anyone, "He didn't talk to me. I sat here all day and he didn't talk to me." Make the effort, silly! You'll soon find out if they want to speak to you or not.

I do love how no matter what your age, if your mind is open you can make changes. But only to yourself as I have to remind MYSELF constantly. Being loud and stubborn isn't going to make a heap of difference to anyone else.

If not, you'll find yourself sitting in the living room all alone while everyone else is in the family room having the best time.

Lovin' Tater Tots

Half-hearted apologies for yesterdays video of Spud. I find all things Spud fascinating so it's hard to push the edit button. The good news is no one is forced to hit play. Gotta love that!

I do find that little Spud-Muffin the center of everything. When he wraps those little arms around my neck and clings to my waist with his strong little legs tears mostly always squirt out of my eyes. If that feeling could be packaged and marketed there would never be need for any type of depression medication. Who can feel sadness when someone that adorable, tiny, and dependent on you looks at you and loves you that way. I swoon.

Spud loves to vacuum. I'm kinda serious. Do you love the plaid jumpsuit?

Squeeze!

No agenda today. Just lovin' on my little Tater, lovin' on my Pups, and lovin' that yesterday felt like Monday and it was actually Friday! Score!

Christmastime Quote

  Christmas Gift Suggestions

• To your enemy, forgiveness. 
• To an opponent, tolerance. 
• To a friend, your heart. 
• To a customer, service. 
• To all, charity. 
• To every child, a good example. 
• To yourself, respect.

~Oren Arnold, Author

Start and Stop and Stop and Start

We've had a few birthdays in the past couple of weeks. Our darling Spud is one year old. How on earth? It's really going to tumble on by now isn't it?

As I say over and over, yes, he really is that beautiful.

It was Pup's birthday a couple of days ago. My sweet, sweet Pup. He's been self-reflecting and pensive since shortly after our trip in late September. A couple of unforeseen obstacles and events have shifted his thoughts here and there. The grappling with changes is provoking. It's always good! Love love love.

It was our great-niece's second birthday yesterday and we went to a lovely party at her momma and daddy's house. I was kinda in tears watching that little nugget open all of her presents and watching her oooooh and aaaaaah at each and every present. What a generous little spirit this tiny precious has. I was watching her study each card as she opened her presents. And when she was done opening, she placed all of her cards in a brown box and took a few back out to look at again. Her momma mentioned freezing time and I agree. Moments like that one need to be frozen. I know I'll always remember watching her and how you can already see the woman she will be. Sweet, smart, lovely, attentive, and amazing. Smooches to that little baby!

I only got a few incredibly crappy phone shots of her opening. My hand was not steady, I'm valiantly fighting a fall cold and was empty-headed and fuzzy-minded all of the day. Her essence is shining through even though my skills are not.

Time frozen! Can we do that just for a little bit you guys? I feel like I'm in a vortex and I'm spinning spinning. Stuck and exuberant, but forgetful and vague. Or it's the medication I'm taking.

For us, with Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, I'm attempting once again to simplify and relax with the festivities. We are sponsoring a few teenagers in lieu of gifts for Pup and myself and that always makes me feel good.

I've stopped participating in the white elephant-type exchanges with the different celebrations we attend. I know that can make me seem curmudgeonly, but I just don't need anything cluttering up my life. I do a good job with that on my own! But seriously, the stuff generally gets either thrown or donated. God I sound just like Mrs. GrumpyMcGrumpy.

:(

Rambling!

So my lovely friends-in-my-head, tell me how you're entering the upcoming celebrations? What keeps you centered and full of gratitude?

Keep the peace my hooches.

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Self-indulgence today.

I want to bottle up days like yesterday and pull it out around Feb 3 or so. I do love the fall.

When I Look at You

We went camping with the young uns last summer.

When I was dating my wasband we discovered, through a friend, a place deep in some acreage owned by a paper mill. You couldn't have stumbled on it if you were trying. We're talking deep, deep in the woods. On a little, charming river.

I was probably 20 or 21 the first time I went up there. We had a large group of friends and we all settled into yearly trips up to this magical place. Three to four times a year minimally.

Wasband and I started out in a small tent, then graduated to a camper that sits in a truck bed. Oh the luxury of a real bed! And a sink to do dishes in. And a stove. But I digress.

We would bring all of our toys up there because there are literally miles and miles of trails and seldom-used roads for dirt biking, dune buggies, and 4-wheelers. I was the only girl that had a dirt bike, but I was so horrible at it that I rarely went out with the boys. Instead, I would putt around the trails on my own and had such a blast I can't even tell you. I loved my version of dirt biking. Once in a rare while the boys would take pity on my and let me ride along. I'd struggle to keep up and I remember one of our friends, Jeff, would always make sure I was in sight.

Wasband also had a dune buggy he had made out of a Ford Lincoln chassis (I think it was a Ford Lincoln - it was from a huge car anyway) and we would pile on that and race around wreaking havoc and sprinkling fun-dust all over that place. For miles and miles.

We were very young and very much the partiers as some 20-somethings are. Lots of laughing, drinking, and just general shenanigans as you can imagine.

The group began aging. Wasband and I got married, then got pregnant. I remember hopping in and out of the truck camper with my 8-month belly. You just figure out a way to do the things you need to do somehow. I would sit in one of those tri-fold chairs with the foot part elevated a bit so I could rest my swollen ankles and somehow squeezed my large belly into that small over-the-cab bed.

The next year we had a nine-month old baby to bring with us. We have photos of Bella sitting in a playpen with a little visor on her head. Looking at us with her old-soul eyes. We would throw her into the overhead bed and board her in so she couldn't roll out of the bed in her sleep.

She would peek out of the small window and watch us at the campfire while we were talking, drinking, laughing. We would see her little face and say, "Sleepy-byes Bella! Go sleepy-byes!" Her little head would disappear, but I'd soon spot it again. She would eventually fall asleep listening to our silliness.

We kept camping. Lorenzo was born into the same deal. Eventually we bought a large, old, Winnebago and squeezed that thing down the winding, never-ending trail that led to our campsite.

We would take family trips there. I vividly remember once camping with all of our friends and then we stayed on for another week or so and camped just the four of us. Lorenzo was so little that she was still running around with a pacifier, lovingly called her "fire" by her adorable self, and a bonnet on her head.

I don't know why, but the chipmunks loved her pacifiers and if we left one out on the table when we went to bed they would scamper onto the table and STEAL them! Lorenzo would bellow in the morning, "Meemunks took my fire!! Momma! Meemunks took my fire!" I can see her little body running around the campsite shaking her finger. I still wonder why those damn chipmunks were so in love with Lorenzo's pacifiers!? So funny to think about. Tears are squirting out of my eyes just a little bit right now just having this memory.

Family camping. We never could quite afford Disney World or flying anywhere for that matter, but family camping was the highlight of every summer for us as a young family.

What could have been better?

Apologies - all photos were taken from prints that I shot with my camera. No scanner.  :(

If You Like It Then You Better Put a Ring on It

Ha! Haha is what I say!

There; I had to get that out. Like stretching, laughing is purifying yes?

Today is the 15th of July. That frightens me. Summer is scooching by with an alarming speed. I'm love love loving this summer. We've only had our central air on twice or so. Emoji for happiness! Lots of rain which has made a very lush lawn, but has caused lots of flooding all over. It's never perfect as we know. Mother Nature just can't be equitable. She's over here; she's over there. She is random in her gifts and random in her penalties. I do love her. She's a woman. Never be too predictable.

We recently went to Vegas for a family trip to celebrate my birthday and me and Pup's fifth anniversary. Pup, me, Lorenzo, Rand-Man (I hope this is my final alliteration of the boy's name), and Bella. Bella's husband, B, stayed home with Spud, but we missed him.

Five years? I've joked for a few years how we are newlyweds. I guess I'll have to put that joke to bed. Five years is a chunk of time! We had gotten married in Vegas so we always said we would return to the scene of the crime for our fifth.

Pup and I had taken an earlier flight on a Thursday and the kidlettes were arriving that evening. While we were hanging about watching the soccer match in the sports book when Pup's phone rang.

It was Rand-Man asking Pup a question. Would we mind, since it was our vacation to celebrate, would we mind if he asked Lorenzo to marry him while in Vegas? He had a ring in his pocket that was quite literally (I know that isn't correct) burning a hole in his pocket.

Would we mind???

My squeals were loud and maybe just a little bourbon infused. Pup and I giggled the rest of the day.

We were sworn to silence. We can keep a secret if we have to. Pup especially is very good at it. He does have five sisters after all. He is the sister-whisperer and can keep a secret like no other. Even from me at times.

It was hard to zip it with the kidlettes once they arrived! Our happiness was concealed by the fact that, yes, we were entirely happy to see all of them. But now came the hard part. We had to wait for Randy to decide when the right time was to spring it on Lorenzo.

The following day we were hanging out in the pool, having a laughing and talking and lounging and drinking time. Oh so fun. Towards the later afternoon Rand-Man asked Lorenzo to go up to the room for a bit. She wriggled her eyebrows in a teasing fashion and we all said, "oooooh??" So classy.

Later, Bella, Pup, and I were in our suite and the knock came on the door and they swooped in to tell us the news. Much crying and looking at the ring and more crying. Such happiness.

I won't give all of his proposal speech here, but one part that touched me (out of plenty of parts let me tell you) he said that she was already family to him and would she become family for real. He is a very family-oriented man. We do love him. And now he is part of our family

The gifts in my life just keep coming.

Feeling Grace

I don't have an interesting life.

It's fascinating to me, but on the whole - pretty tame stuff.

. . . and February . . . can we talk about February? I need to find a way to love February. It could be Valentine's Day, but frankly, that little day kinda makes me yawn. Although I do love fresh flowers in the house. Lovely.

I seem to lose my joy in February. I'm going to think about that for more than a minute. This could change!

Feeling Grace:

1. The Firm is going better than Pup could have imagined I think. New clients have been pouring in. One directly from my efforts. Wha?? Marketing! No wonder every marketing department I've ever worked for was the first to be cut in hard times. The payoff never looks tangible. It is, but it's  hidden. Deeply hidden. 
2. Even when I'm bored with every damn thing in my house, if I clean it - it looks fantastic!
3. We had a little celebration here and all of that wine did NOT get drank. It's all mine still baby.
4. However, I made a huge dent in that carafe of Maker's Mark.
5. Coffee - I feel an infinity with coffee. Especially in February.
6. When the temperature is way below zero, it is always beautiful outside. Bright, snowy, bluest sky, quite lovely.
7. Even though I have not driven the Pilot yet, I do love seeing it in the garage knowing I will be driving it when Pup goes back to his little summer car. In the summer. Ha! Not that he wouldn't let me drive it now, but he hates my Ruby (Jeep Wrangler) and I love it so why would I make him suffer needlessly? He suffers enough let me tell you.
8. That's a lie - he's a pretty happy guy. Who wouldn't want to be married to me? (picture toe circling on the floor - perfect expression on my face - heh!).
9. I've been smoothing on coconut oil after my shower every morning. It smells divine and I'm as smooth as K-Spud, super baby. For real!
10. I've been getting manicures for a few months now and I have to say I feel happy when I look at my fingers. My nails are pretty. If that's shallow I'll have to live with it, because it's FEBRUARY!    :)

I know many parts of our country is having a WINTER! Many places are having snow when they usually get none, cold where they are not used it, and slippin' and sliddin' is NOT fun. Hang tight everyone. Seriously, stay home if you're not used to bad roads. Stay home and keep it warm if you can. Spring will get here. Sorry comfort I know, but we need to make February our favorite month yes?

Smooches to my sexy-ass hooches.

sorry, hard to not include this guy - love love love

Do a Little Dance

Make a little love.

I keep calling the grand-spud KD the Sunshine Boy. Then this song spring into my mind. Remember them? KC and the Sunshine Band?

Get down tonight.

I think I saw them in concert back back.

Little KD the Sunshine Boy

He looks a little bemused here yes? He had just woken up from a nice long sleepy-byes and I took this shot to send to his momma and I captioned it, "Momma, my pants are too small."

Sometimes he looks at me with his little eyes that look so much like his momma's little eyes when she was a baby. He looks at me and I can see he's thinking. I read a story to him yesterday and I swear he was listening intently.

February

My least favorite month. Which really means a change should come. Make the change!

Our loft bedroom has a wall of windows on the southern end. It gets warm and toasty up there and most days the three furry pets hang up there soaking in the sun. It makes you happy even if you fight it! Powerful thing the sun.

Baby, let's get together 
Honey hush, me and you 
And do the things 
Ah, do the things 
That we like to do 
Oh . . .

Do a little dance!

Happy People

Here I am!
Signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours!
~Stevie Wonder

Ha!

Are y'all thinking about the past year? Thinking about what the coming year could mean? Changes yes?

I read an article a few minutes ago (and promptly Pinterested it -yeah, I said it!) about the things that happy people do differently. One of the things was be in the moment.

It sounds so simple. Aren't we all in that moment? I mean, I'm there aren't I? How could I not be in the moment? After the moments, after things are quiet and I'm left to my thoughts I realize many times that I was forward-thinking. "Oh! I never lit the candles!" "Oh! If I were a size or so smaller I could have worn that cute outfit!" "Oh! What is the next hilarious thing I want to say?"

Yesterday I watched my little tater-tot while his parents attended a memorial service for Bella's grandma. I know I could have gone - that great woman had been my mother-in-law for 23 years - but for some reason I did not feel right about it. There were a few logistic reasons I couldn't go, but nothing that I couldn't have figured out. But when Bella asked if I would watch baby KD while they attended the service, I jumped at the chance. Even though she said the other Granny could watch him if I wanted to attend the service.

I said, "No, please, I'll watch the sweet baby."

So KD and I hung out for four hours or so. And I practiced being in the moment. Because everything stops when you look at your first grandchild's face. Everything! It's fantastic. He and I talked about his Great-Grandmomma and how perfect it had been that he got to meet her and how she loved him and was happy for his parents. How blessed he is to have so many people love him.

He listened to every silly thing I said to him. He's a rapt participant right now. He fills me with tears and joy.

Bella said her dad wrote something that she read for him. He talked about the bond between mother and child. How he saw it when he and I had children and now he's seeing it with his own Bella. And how his momma had that bond with her children.

I will think about momma-Sylvia and how she loved her children and how she loved her grandchildren and how she loved her great-grandchildren. It's New Year's Eve and all things are there for us.

Giving Those Loving Gestures

Getting the trees!

Little K (the Baby-Doll) is our beyond-blessing for the year. The year has been full of blessings and I sometimes can't believe how blessed we are. Then I think how we might just deserve our blessings. And why not?

I was at happy hour the other day and I was speaking to a friend. She mentioned something I had done for Pup when she was with us. It was something I did during dinner to make his experience better. Pup is a picky eater and sometimes I ignore his wants, sometimes I cater to his wants, and sometimes I help. I can't worry about him and what he will or won't eat all the time because his eating limits do make me insane, but I love him.

She said she would have wanted to get angry or smack him or get disgusted. I could tell that she thought my helping him in that moment was something she would never do. While she was telling me this I felt a flash of shame. Was what I had done a weakness on my part? Did it make Pup look weak? Was it less than perfect (something I apparently worry about all the time)?

It didn't hit me until days later that what I had done was a loving gesture. That's all. Just a simple, loving gesture. Done in the moment. Only because I love him. It was a good thing. Nothing for me to think twice about. 

Loving gestures. I want to give more of them. To those I love. Not worry how it makes me look. If loving someone and wanting to make something more comfortable in a moment is weak, then I'm wanting to be the weakest!

I see that today. I wish I had seen it then and always.

I will be watching for opportunities to give loving gestures. And why not? It takes nothing away from me and might make me happier.

Merry Christmas my hooches! Are you ready for your own loving gestures?

A Bit of Self-Indulgence

Because . . . because . . . well, because!

I'm trying really hard hooches. So hard to not be annoying. Y'all know that is nigh-on to impossible. In fact, it is absolutely impossible.

So, with that known, please enjoy the adorableness that is a newborn.



Pup and I got to watch Baby Boy-Doll last night while The Little Family went to a movie and dinner. I don't think the two of them had been out of the house except for appointments and Thanksgiving since the Tater-Tot's arrival.

We sat on the couch with him either holding him or sandwiching him between us on the couch. It was heavenly.

And he went through nearly all the outfits his momma packed, all the receiving blankets, and all the bottles. Burping, pooping, peeing, and just generally being adorable.

You can see a little bit how adorable his smiles are going to be when they come. I love this newborn stage.