For No Apparent Reason

Song of Perfect Propriety
by Dorothy Parker

Oh, I should like to ride the seas,
A roaring buccaneer;
A cutlass banging at my knees,
A dirk behind my ear.
And when my captives' chains would clank
I'd howl with glee and drink,
And then fling out the quivering plank
And watch the beggars sink.

I'd like to straddle gory decks,
And dig in laden sands,
And know the feel of throbbing necks
Between my knotted hands.
Oh, I should like to strut and curse
Among my blackguard crew . . . .
But I am writing little verse,
As little ladies do.

Oh, I should like to dance and laugh
And pose and preen and sway,
And rip the hearts of men in half,
And toss the bits away.
I'd like to view the reeling years
Through unastonished eyes,
And dip my finger-tips in tears,
And give my smiles for sighs.

I'd stroll beyond the ancient bounds,
And tap at fastened gates,
And hear the prettiest of sound-
The clink of shattered fates.
My slaves I'd like to bind with thongs
That cut and burn and chill . . . . 
But I am writing little songs,
As little ladies will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loves me some Dorothy.

What Fresh Hell Is This?

I don't remember exactly when I fell in love with Dorothy Parker.

It could have been when I was in high school and obsessed with everything to do with The Marx Brothers. I don't know what that was about, but I would ride city buses to unknown and shady parts of town to just see a random showing of one of their movies.

While in that obsession I read everything I could get my hands on regarding The Marx Brothers. Harpo being my favorite. During all those readings I found out about The Algonquin Round Table. And with that, my discovery of Dorothy Parker.

For years I used her What fresh hell is this? as my tagline on the many forums I frequented. It made me smile every time I saw it scripted out below my name. It makes me smile still.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes of hers. I'm going to kick back and enjoy each one like a caramel that I savor very very slowly.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.

What fresh hell is this?

Tell him I was too fucking busy - or vice versa.

I hate writing, I love having written.

There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

If you're going to write, don't pretend to write down. It's going to be the best you can do, and it's the fact that it's the best you can do that kills you.

Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.

~Dorothy Parker

Quote

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
~Dorothy Parker