Mood

I've been in one. Maybe for 15 years! It's not a bad mood, yet it's not sugary, sweet goodness if you get me. I know you get me.

I'm in love with living and wish that along with that I'd GET what is and what cannot be. I'm annoyed half of the day and ecstatic the other half. I see things with great clarity, yet cannot put into words clearly what I need to say.

Crap!

I must be a woman.

Snarky and snarked upon. Obsessed and obsessive.

Oh to say what I mean and mean what I say - without second guessing myself! My poor husband! He's the one that hears the aftermath. I love him! Just yesterday as we were getting ready for a family party, he had offered to vacuum if I'd go with him for pedicures. Yes, that man adores getting peds! And it was wonderful. Relaxing. And now I have cute feet. Plus +

His vacuuming left something to be desired. And even though my house never looks perfect, all I saw were the flaws when he was finished. Woe is me! I am a snark-monster. Keep working on that girl! I am waiting for this revelation that comes with age, but it's not happening! Ha and ha! I am laughing here because I have such clarity after the fact. And blurt in the moment.

Blurting just may be the thing that murders me in the end. I'll blurt to the wrong person in traffic or on the phone or at the grocery store and BAM! You'll read about me in the newspapers. A random act of violence. Only me and the killer will know the truth.

What a rambling going on here! We have a few things happening as everyone does at times and we've gotten good news, waiting for good news, and longing for the good news.

Meanwhile, this happened not long ago -

My beautiful daughter married her much-loved-by-all-who-meets-him man. In Mexico. On the beach. It was perfection and maybe the best time we've had since my first daughter got married six years ago. Now I have two sons along with two daughters.

Congratulations Lorenzo and Randalian!

A Post a Day Keeps the Januaryitis Away

That's what I'm thinking. I'm writing every day this month just to see. Some of you may want to look away. It could get mesmerizing, oops, I might have meant, mortifying.

I weighed myself a few minutes ago and I was neither horrified nor satisfied! Which means I'm the same and that seems like a New Year Celebration right there. No damage! I am dancing in the form of walking lunges right now. Because, like it or not, January First is a good time to reinforce improvements.

January Pledges

• Write more.
• Read more.
• Laugh more. 
• Stop stressing out about people that you don't even like. Address and dismiss girl. They're fine where they are. Leave them there.
• But be nicer. Guess what? It's nice to be nice. Today was day one - Nice!
• Allow no doldrums this month. No, the sun probably won't shine, but who cares! Life is fantastic! The so-exciting-I-might-pee parts and the it's-Tuesday-and-I-get-to-watch-RHOBH parts. All good. 
• Deep as a puddle can be entertaining, but maybe only to you.
• Chubby and aged is prized in some cultures. You might want to move there! hehehe
• To fight sadness about the above, remember the lovely doctor that repeatedly hit on you during Pup's stay a couple of months ago. Took me until hit #3 to get it. #notverybright #somelikeityourway #itdidtakemymindoffwhatwashappening #deepasapuddle 
• See above and alleviate the #deepasapuddleitis you can have. Find meaning.
• With this thought, leave the hashtags to others. You are annoying more than just yourself.  :)
• Again, with this said, never give up your mad love for the emoticon. Some things are classic. Plonk!

It's a beginning. 

Liebster Award - For Me? I want to thank all the people that made this possible . . . heh?

Thank you David, from the always smart and always acerbic Brits in the USA. He makes me laugh out loud and get a jealous-boner most every time I read his blog. Damn him and his creative mind.

The Questions and My Answers 

1. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
St. Paul, Minnesota

2. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Minneapolis, Minnesota (I'm very exotic and world-traveled)

3. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Pacific Blue

4. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED
The Great Gatsby - theatre
Love, Marilyn - television

5. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I've been reading Anna Karenina FOREVER. Love it, but can't seem to finish it.

6. THE POWER GOES OUT. IT WILL BE OUT FOR SEVERAL HOURS. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOURSELF?
Light a million candles and pretend.

7. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Morning Joe - MSNBC

8. GREATEST STRUGGLE AS A WRITER
Ideas. Ideas haunt me. When I have to do anything creative it's just painful. Once the idea hits it is a breeze. I wish I knew why. Or I don't want to know why.

9. WHAT IS THE ONE BOOK YOU THINK EVERYONE SHOULD READ?
Look Homeward Angel, Thomas Wolfe. Even though I think everyone should read lots and lots of F. Scott Fitzgerald.

10. IF YOU COULD BE ONE OF THE GREEK GODS WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHY?
I would love to be Bia - Goddess of Force, but truthfully, I'm more like Eris - Goddess of Discord.

11. WEIRDEST THING YOU'VE EVER BEEN TOLD BY A FORTUNE COOKIE
There are no heads harder than empty ones.


SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

1. I recently read 7 things you should know by age 50. I knew not one of them.
2. I ogle men like a man ogles women. Is this weird?
3. I joke about being annoying, yet fear this to be true.
4. I cry a lot. I don't think this is weird. It makes people uncomfortable. Why is that?
5. I am bossy beyond. I work on this always.
6. I drink bourbon.
7. If I could go back to school again, I'd study anthropology.


My Nominees....

I'm still thinking who I should bestow!


Here are the rules for the Inspirational Liebster Blogger Award:

1. Display logo in your blog to show you've been nominated.
2. Link back to your nominator.
3. Share 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for the award.
5. Notify your nominees.

Turn Up the Heat

February 1

I don't think of myself as much of a bitcher. I know that's not entirely true because who doesn't complain now and again? This month brings all things bad right out of me. I'm not a fan. The best thing I ever can say about this month is it is short. Gah. All of us will live through it. We will! Even though as I sit here writing the thermometer says it is 12 below. 12 BELOW! That is some cold shit hooches.

I found this lone shot of the swim up bar from our Dominican Republic hotel.

It made me break out the flannel I have to say. I don't know where I got it, but I own the tops only of a pair of flannel pajamas. No bottoms. If I thought hard about it I bet I could remember. I'm not going to exert myself on that just yet.

I sleep like a cat when it's this cold. To that I have to say yay!

It feels good to snuggle deep in your bed with heavy blankets on top. And cool sheets to move my legs to when I get hot. I sleep so hot. In fact, when Pup and I were fighting our dual sicknesses at the beginning of January, one morning he thought me seriously sick when my skin was cold. He said he actually put his head on my back to make certain I was breathing.

I not only sleep hot, but, for some magical biological reason, I throw off more heat than most others. I don't know why. It's weird and I do keep all the mosquitos busy so they leave everyone else alone.

This just reminded me of a story.

I was standing, waiting for a bus at a park-and-ride. It was a steamy, sticky, summer morning - probably around 7:00 a.m.

I approach the line of people. The guy in front of me greets me and then says.

"Hey, you have a bunch of gnats surrounding your head."

I say, "I do?" and begin swatting them away.

"Yeah!" he says, "They're all over!" He gets a look on his face and I feel I need to explain. A particularly annoying trait of mine - over explaining.

"Oh no!" I say. And keep swatting.

He is really looking at me now. It isn't good.

"It must be because I'm so hot." I explain.

"Oh yeah, that's it," he snorts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yup, yup, and yup.

If you like that, I'm here every Friday. da da dum!

I'm going to cozy up here at home and work on a rewrite. I had the MOST confusing meeting yesterday and let's just say it was both eye opening and confounding. No worries - I have a plan.

Do you like how I take notes?

I Left That Where??

I have a lot of devices.

I have my beloved iMac that is beginning to show his age.

I have my new Macbook Pro laptop (kiss kiss). A powerhouse that I will be loading with all of my powerhouse software so I can do my new job on the fly as I've found working at home all the time is kinda lonely and I need the office culture to keep me lovely and smart and plugged in. This sweetie is gorgeous and I am in love with it.

I have my iPad. I didn't love my iPad at first. I kinda thought it was crazy to have, yet, another thing to manage. I have found that it's a great resource and very portable for my transient ways at the moment. My scary-genius boss set up my work email on this little baby so I have to keep it close. Pup got me a keyboard that holds it and then snaps onto as a cover. That really clinched the deal for me. I hated that touchscreen. My brain loves to work fast; when it's working.

Last, but not least, is my phone. I stopped bitching about it (finally) and find it lovely. Samsung, love has grabbed me, beat me over the head, and left me a slave to you. #overstatingismylife

Why am I talking about these life-helpers? I have a hard time managing everything!

First: the email. I have email everywhere. I have five email accounts for differing reasons. Jobs, transitioning, blog. All five of them are necessary. And all five of them come in on every device. Gah!

It doesn't stop me from losing emails. Forgetting emails. Over-answering emails. Under-answering emails. I am in email overload. I think it's my fault.

Then there is Facebook. I have been goofing with it for the past year and have found it fun and have found it a time suck as maybe some of you with Facebook have found it.

I open Facebook on my iMac, I open it on my Macbook, I open it on my iPad, I open it on my phone. I forget to shut it down. I'm sure if anyone is looking, and I'm pretty certain no one is, it looks like I'm on all the time. #fail

And the pinging. If I don't watch it, all of these things are chiming, pinging, ringing, nagging. Pup will say, "Was that you? Which one is it?" He's no better. He has lots of devices as well.

It's a dinging hell around here. And I'm not even adding in the appliances that ding and ping.

I could turn them all off and sometimes do. Turn off all the sounds that pop out of them. The quiet is good!

How do you guys manage all that you do? Am I missing an app? Don't tell me about it! But do tell me how you manage your stuff.

Grin and Bare It

I work in a small consignment store.

There are a few men that come into the store. Pretty fucking amazing men frankly. Men that think outside of the norm when it comes to shopping. Men that are curious and stay because it's awesome. Men that are stuck there with their wives (I'll never in a million years figure that one out - go home - go to the Home Depot - go anywhere but following your wife around looking like an idiot). Men that are gay and therefore (in a sweeping general sense) more savvy to shopping. Men that consign.

I had a guy come in yesterday that said, "Your men section is small, like in all consignment stores, but I always find something awesome."

I just nodded and smiled at him. Maybe I even winked. Because he's in. He gets it.

Our store deals with customers and consigners. Clearly that's how it works. Customers come in and shop. Consigners come in and consign. Many of the customers are also consigners. Some consigners would drop dead before they'd shop the store.

The consigners are mainly women. The customers are mainly women.

In the past few weeks:

• I was called "her highness" by a disgruntled consigner that doesn't like to follow rules and told me in a Russian accent, "I am so sorry I am not up to your standards your highness, but I cannot follow the rules because I blah blah blah fuckin' blah." Bite me.
• A woman argued with me on a piece of designer clothing that was soiled around the collar. The consigner kept telling me, "This cost a lot of money. Someone will want this. It's a great party outfit. Do you realize who Oscar de la Renta is?" Bite me. First of all, wearing an outfit that makes you look like a piece of wedding cake (sorry Oscar) is heinous; just because it cost lots of "money" doesn't make it good. It's dirty - get the hell out.
• A woman was staring at my name tag and said, "Do you WORK here? When did you start wearing name tags?" Bite me. WTF? She also insisted on wearing a bracelet around the store because, "She wanted to see how it feels. I won't steal it." Yes, of course, she stole it. Get your husband to bite me. I'm guessing it's been a few years since he's had any fun.
• A woman stomped her foot and pouted when told she couldn't leave all of her stuff for consigning and go have lunch. "I'm late! Can't you just do this?" Bite me. Get in line. And plan your day better.
• A woman walked out in a huff saying, "I am not bringing stuff here anymore. It never sells." Bite me. Her stuff was usually pity-takes; which, frankly, I don't condone.
• A woman who had to tell me a story about every pieced she brought in. Bite me. What the hell do I care? Do you see the consigners waiting their turn behind you?
• A customer brought a pile of stuff up to the counter, said she was ready, and then while I was organizing her items, she's still deciding. "Oh! Maybe I should try that on again! Let me think about it. Oh, I saw a top - let me run get it." Bite me. People are stacking up behind you. Decide before you come to checkout.
• A customer indignantly marched up to the front of the store exclaiming, "Who put that top away I was looking at?" Bite me. WTH are you talking about? She found it. Right where she left it. Sigh
• A consigner that has consigned one piece of clothing and calls every day to see if it's sold. Frets every time she's told, "not yet." Bite me. There are thousands of pieces in this store. Not all of them sell.

I tell Pup stories every day when I come home from work. He laughs his ass off and can't believe what he's hearing most of the time.

It makes me feel good to laugh along with him because, hey, you have to laugh!

But for now, I'm buying myself the hugest tiara I can find and changing my name-tag to "Her Highness."

Socially Awkward

Pup and I went to see The Social Network last Friday.

I would recommend this movie to ya'll. I enjoyed it even though I do not have a Facebook account and, flesh willing, will never have one. Not being snotty about it, but I truly do not want another thing to manage online. And the stalking aspect of it is a little creepy. That's okay. I'm certain I will not be missed.

In the film, (and I'm assuming for real in life) Mark Zuckerberg is painted as a scary-genius type who is, also, socially awkward. As socially awkward as you can imagine.

In my life, I've skittered about from plugged-in socially young 'un to never-going-out young mom to friendly shop owner to biz-lunch woman to, now, unemployed hermit.

I've described myself as an introverted extravert more than once so I can marvel, from my introspection vantage point, a bit at our human condition. The way we can overcome any shyness we may be feeling by appearing in the moment and unfazed.

I kinda love that. I love being able to do something way out of a personal comfort zone and then holing up at home to lick the wounds that appear.

The human spirit - it's the new black. I'll wear it. After all, black is in my color wheel.

Where have you pushed yourself? How comfortable are you with being uncomfortable?