Start and Stop and Stop and Start

We've had a few birthdays in the past couple of weeks. Our darling Spud is one year old. How on earth? It's really going to tumble on by now isn't it?

As I say over and over, yes, he really is that beautiful.

It was Pup's birthday a couple of days ago. My sweet, sweet Pup. He's been self-reflecting and pensive since shortly after our trip in late September. A couple of unforeseen obstacles and events have shifted his thoughts here and there. The grappling with changes is provoking. It's always good! Love love love.

It was our great-niece's second birthday yesterday and we went to a lovely party at her momma and daddy's house. I was kinda in tears watching that little nugget open all of her presents and watching her oooooh and aaaaaah at each and every present. What a generous little spirit this tiny precious has. I was watching her study each card as she opened her presents. And when she was done opening, she placed all of her cards in a brown box and took a few back out to look at again. Her momma mentioned freezing time and I agree. Moments like that one need to be frozen. I know I'll always remember watching her and how you can already see the woman she will be. Sweet, smart, lovely, attentive, and amazing. Smooches to that little baby!

I only got a few incredibly crappy phone shots of her opening. My hand was not steady, I'm valiantly fighting a fall cold and was empty-headed and fuzzy-minded all of the day. Her essence is shining through even though my skills are not.

Time frozen! Can we do that just for a little bit you guys? I feel like I'm in a vortex and I'm spinning spinning. Stuck and exuberant, but forgetful and vague. Or it's the medication I'm taking.

For us, with Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, I'm attempting once again to simplify and relax with the festivities. We are sponsoring a few teenagers in lieu of gifts for Pup and myself and that always makes me feel good.

I've stopped participating in the white elephant-type exchanges with the different celebrations we attend. I know that can make me seem curmudgeonly, but I just don't need anything cluttering up my life. I do a good job with that on my own! But seriously, the stuff generally gets either thrown or donated. God I sound just like Mrs. GrumpyMcGrumpy.

:(

Rambling!

So my lovely friends-in-my-head, tell me how you're entering the upcoming celebrations? What keeps you centered and full of gratitude?

Keep the peace my hooches.

I Have a Theory

With the holidays coming fast I'm thinking about my family. Not just my amazing family of my husband, daughters, son-in-law, and newly added boyfriend of Lorenzos, but the rest of my family.

My dad, my step-mom, my sister, her husband, and my brother. And their children, my niece and two nephews. And two of them have children. My brother's two children have kids; nearly four from what I'm hearing. His lovely daughter has two children and his son is having child number two.

My brother and I don't talk. It's a long and multi-faceted story; most of which is old family drama and not worth your reading, but some of it is relevant to everyone. How we got to this exact place is something I do think about. But, sorry my adorable sister, I don't think about him that much.

What I do think about is our, and by that I do mean my, childhood and the way we were brought up to think about family.

My momma and dad were pretty typical 60s parents. My mom ruled the roost and my dad would come home from work, sit in his chair reading the paper, and wait for supper. That my mom prepared. We had many many aunts and uncles from both sides of the family, but most of my life we weren't talking or seeing my dad's side of the family much for reasons long forgotten.

And there were times when we weren't talking to certain members of my momma's family. Also for reasons long forgotten.

Reasons long forgotten.

That's the saddest part of any family story of dissension. The original reason for the disagreement is long lost against the passion of the reactions.

I've often said that while I do not make too much drama, I am totally comfortable with it because of our family life while growing up. No blame there, just a realization I came to long long ago.

So . . . my brother and I don't talk. He has his reasons - spewed out to me in a phone conversation a couple of years ago - reasons I was rather stunned to hear, but they are his reasons. I can't change how he feels, but I did decide to change what I'll brave. I made a decision to no longer seek out any connection to him. It sounds horribly harsh, but he has no desire to take my hand so I'll no longer stretch it out. This breaks my sister's heart and makes for some tough holidays since I've asked to not be included in any celebrations that include him.

I knew that when I wrote this out it would cement in my mind what this means. And after reading what I've just written I can't believe this is what it's come to. Breaks my heart as well.

My little family is not perfect. But it will be a cold, dark day in hell before I'll be a part of anything like I experienced when growing up. I try my damnedest to stay out of any fray. I'm not saying I don't put my foot in it. I have big feet. Where else are they going to go for the cryin' out loud? But I am saying that I keep an open mind. Admit my errors. Try to make amends. And love as hard as I can.

Love as hard as I can.

That's all we got peeps. Love them until they can't stand it.

Smooches my hooches.

Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material. 
~F. Scott Fitzgerald