Shower Her with Love

Bella and her Grandma

My daughter, Lorenzo, and I hosted a baby shower for the Baby-Doll at my house last weekend. Barnabee jetted off back home on Thursday (her son came to Minnesota to accompany them on the plane - so nice!) and I have talked to my dad a time or two since they arrived home. He sounds so tired. Now that he's back home I am trying to not worry about what is going to happen next. I have no control over that so . . . so . . . I don't know what! I'll think about that later Miss Scarlett.

So the Baby-Doll shower. Thursday evening, after Pup and I drove Barnabee to the airport where I nearly lost their luggage, (that's another story for another day) Lorenzo and I braved the huge and efficient Costco and Party City for shower food and fun.

Friday evening Bella came over to help me clean Chez Emerson (lovely girls I have) and watching her work around her growing belly just fills my heart with unbelievable joy. I am seriously in love with this baby. It's a little scary. I'm going to relish being a Gigi. Whoooha! Love love love - all you need is love.

On Saturday morning Lorenzo and Bella came early to help set up. Lorenzo came bearing little naked-baby ice cubes (omg - so adorable we were dying), makings for mimosas, and a million other things. (I could tell the story of the adorable RM - Lorenzo's boy - having to come not once, but twice to our house bringing things forgotten, but let's leave it that he's an amazing man and good in a pinch. You have to love a man that will be there for you even though he'd rather not. Smooches to RM)

Lorenzo is a very linear thinker. Thank god. I'm a very randomized thinker. Thank god again. Bella is very diplomatic. God is good to me.

Between all of us things got done although at one point while I was hunting down tiny scissors for a shower project I heard Lorenzo exclaim, "Where is she now??" I have always wished my brain worked in a predictable way, but it doesn't. I weave and bob rather than march along. Very, very easily distracted. I think this feeds my creativity. I like this explanation much more than any other that could explain my brain. Ha! I am laughing! Thank you God, yet again.

The shower invitees were my family, Bella's in-laws, my wasband's family including his wife, Pup's family, all my friends that have known Bella - new and old. Yes, we did it all in a swoop. My longtime and lovely friend Reechie thought me insane. I told her, "It will work. It will." And it did.

I didn't get a photo of it, but at one point, both of my mother-in-laws were sitting in a large chair together and I couldn't resist saying, "Both of my momma-in-laws are here!" If this makes anyone uncomfortable I'm sorry. The two of them looked happy. I hope they were.

And even though I did shush one of my sister-in-laws (oh I am such a pain in the ass) the afternoon went well. Bella received lots of lovely things for the Baby-Doll, we ate really good, and it was fun to see people that I haven't seen in ages.

Only one person from my family came and that was a wonderful surprise for all of us. My lovely, lovely niece (my brother's daughter) and her two gorgeous and energetic daughters. That meant a lot to Bella and to me that she came. It couldn't have been comfortable for her and I love it that she put that aside.

After the shower, my friends Deb-oh-rah, Shelley-belly, Teri (Bella's godmother), and wasband's wife stayed along with both of my girls. We sat in the living room talking like girls talk and the laughing and stories were endless entertainment for Pup who pretended to hide in the office "working".

We suddenly looked up and saw that it was 10:30! The shower had started at 2:00. I got a note from Teri a day or two later stating that it was not only the most fun shower she has ever attended, but the longest as well. Ha!

I am blessed.

I Love Cocktails

I realized that the past three or more posts have had a photo of a cat. Enough already. I'm starting to scare myself. Hehehe

Here's where my head is this morning. I had a gin and tonic on the deck last night with Momma Bee (she had a Dr Pepper) and while I normally don't drink too much gin, it was delicious and refreshing. And it was alcohol.

:)

My Makers Mark is in The Guest House which is at my BIL's shop. Gah! What was I thinking leaving that important thing in the galley?? So thoughtless of me.

According to these photos I stole from Facebook, I'm the coolest person ever because I drink Manhattans, red wine, and whiskey.

Well, I always knew it. Now it's official.

It's all smoke and mirrors! But smoke and mirrors do belong in a bar and I would LOVE to be in a bar right now even though it is 10:30 in the morning.

I'm kidding!

Is your bed made yet today? Get on it!

Smooches on your pooches.

Tears Dry on Their Own

He had fur just like a dandelion. 

Oh my blog! My sweet, cathartic, ridiculous blog.

I feel the need to get thoughts out, yet am hesitant to do so. Do you ever wonder if the need to keep things "close to the vest" is more than simple self-protection, but a deeper denial than we could imagine?

I've been working on self-awareness. At times I even doubt if I fully understand what that could mean. I do feel that I self-catastrophize and blame myself for things that are not my fault. I have a hard time not believing I'm to blame for all things which, perversely, is rather boastful of me. Who the hell am I to believe that I am the arbiter of all that is bad for the cryin' out loud? Hmm?   :)

Do I know why? I don't. I work on myself. I'm still in the oven baking apparently. That's okay. At least I'm changing. Ha!

My dad had a smallish stroke a week ago. I say smallish only because he has minimal residual damage. Some speech impairment and a bit of weakness on his right side. I know it does not seem smallish to him. The instant loss of independence is hard on him and I also know while the brain is healing from such a bad thing he is reeling emotionally.

My dad lives in Idaho with his 2nd wife. We, his family, live in Minnesota. He and Momma Bee had been at the Mayo Clinic for Bee's follow-up surgery for an issue she was having last summer and fall. They had driven from their Idaho home to Rochester and Bee's daughter had flown here to be with her momma during the surgery.

It went well, she was recuperating at her brother's house, Barnabee (a moniker my sweet Pup dealt to them - Barney and Bee) had decided to head for home. The early morning before they were set to leave my dad had his stroke.

Now starts the rollercoaster.

It's emotional to see my dad going through this thing.

He remarried and moved to Idaho with his wife back in 2005 a few months after my momma died.

This was a hard thing for us. For me. My mom was gone after a long illness, then my dad uprooted and moved a long distance away. We were supportive because why should my dad be alone? He would have been miserable.

The hard thing has always been that suddenly he was gone. He has new step-children he loves, a new life. I am happy for him, yet, selfishly, sad for me that he isn't here in Minnesota with us.

So my dad has lived in Idaho for nearly eight years.

Pup and I went to visit them a couple of years ago and frankly it was somewhere I'm not in a fast hurry to get back to.

They live a nice, quiet life in Bee's house with one of her sons right next door which is lovely and perfect. I'm more a city girl (obviously) and sitting in the quiet life for several days watching The History Channel was enough for me.

You all know I'm teasing here. It was great to see Barnabee and a few quiet days spent to visit with my dad was okay by me.

They live near a town that is bigger and I do think it could be fun to check that out when I get back there.

But, let's get back to the now of it as I am distracting myself. It's a gift peeps!

When my dad was released from the hospital I said they needed to come home with us until we figured out what was what.

Three visits to the emergency room, one by ambulance ride, and six days later, we now see that our little house with its one bathroom and very small den/guestroom is woefully inadequate for the care and feeding of two elderly patients.

I love my dad.

I haven’t spent much time with him in the past nine years mostly because of where they live. He has gotten older. I have gotten older. Hook this onto the fact that I am not his favorite child and hook this onto the fact that he is going through way more than I can realize in the aftermath of a stroke and trying to heal along with his wife who is recovering from a fairly major surgery.

Whew

I am bone tired. They have been with us for these six days and there is little time in the day that I’m not seeing to their needs. And that is good. I’m surprised, but not of a complaining mind.

What am I saying?

I’m nervous today. Nervous because my brother who doesn’t speak to me is coming with my sister to see Dad.

I said to Pup, “I can make myself scarce so they aren’t uncomfortable.”

“Don’t you dare,” said my sweet husband. “Don’t you dare – this is your house. They can fuck themselves.”

He loves me and I think he is going on a protective binge which makes me want to squeeze him, the sweet thing. He has watched me cry and knows that all of this is hard. I am trying to keep myself calm. I will be calm.

I need to discover and annihilate what it is that keeps me scared about this stupid situation. What am I scared of? I think I’m scared of me.

Keep the peace hooches. I am hiding in my head today until I have to reveal. Wish me luck!