Thursday, September 30, 2010

Just Because He Loves It

Yes, those cushions really are that ugly.
Edit and disclaimer: This post is what happens when I can't sleep and think I can write a post. Ha!

He looks awkward as hell doesn't he? I can't believe being scrunched up on that chair can be comfortable, but that's how George spends most of his days outside in the sun.

Notice the red ball. Pup bought it for him. George is BALL obsessed and his favorite kind are the not-cheap Kong. He loves those balls. He is sleeping with that damn ball.

He walks around outside with the ball in his mouth. Sometimes he barks with the ball in his mouth.  He hangs his large noggin over my laundry basket and drops the slobbery thing onto my CLEAN clothes. Yeah.

He chews it like it's gum. He waits - and waits - and waits some more for us to throw it.

He hangs his aforementioned huge noggin over the deck and tosses the ball onto the driveway where it sometimes rolls down into the street. $7 gone just like that. And a sad dog looks at me with those eyes.

Love you George, don't throw this ball away because I swear you'll be on a diet of those cheap-ass PetSmart balls from now on. I mean it!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Oh, my God, Mr. Kotter, I thought you was gonna die, I swear!

 I am taking a tax preparation class this semester.

It meets Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 1:00 until 4:00. Three hours. That's a good stretch of time to listen to a lecture peppered with, "What kind of credit would that be"? and "Is that a credit or would that be a deduction"?

Instructor is a nice person. I'm pretty sure she is nice.

She is nice, but this does not stop me from making fun of her. I come home from class and Pup pulls up a chair to listen to me impersonate her.

He is a CPA and he gets a good roar at my thoughts on all things tax related. Mostly because I'm a smartass and can do an awesome mimic. I have Instructor down!

I am going to fry in hell.

Instructor can't help it. She LOVES what she does. She loves teaching this class, she loves taxes. Did you hear me? SHE LOVES TAXES.

She loves it so much that at 4:00, when me and my niece (the adorable Lyndsi - who not only is the cutest girl ever, but a newlywed to the cutest boy ever) are packing up our poorly-edited large and tenderly-printed texts, checking our phones for *something* - *anything*, Instructor is just gearing up to go over one of the reviews we had to do for homework.

At 4:00.

Many times on Friday night.

Yes, Friday night. The night some couples might have their date night. The night that some people may want to get to the grocery store before the crowd. The night that someone may want to rush home to change to get to an event that is on their calendar. Just sayin'.

4:05 - Instructor is telling a riveting story about a client that came into her office without the address from their daycare. Some people just don't know the value of documentation!

4:06 - Instructor is f10ing her way through an electronic form saying things like, "you have to ask the right questions." Now? I have no questions woman. I want the answers so I can hop in my car and get this place in my rearview!

4:07 - Lyndsi's phone is buzzing and buzzing - her new hubbins is out of town and would like to TALK TO HIS WIFE! His texts are all "doesn't class let out at 4:00"???

4:09 - Lyndsi and I are mumbling, rolling our eyes, and banging things around on our table. Loudly! We are also wondering why we are the only ones packing up to get the hell out. Doesn't anyone else need to be anywhere? Oh wait, this room is full of people that LOVE TAXES.

4:11 - Instructor says she understands if anyone needs to leave. This would mean leaving before she gives out the answers for the homework. We need the answer so we can see if we are doing it correctly. My eye is beginning to twitch. I try to stop myself from looking out at the gorgeous afternoon that is BEGGING ME TO BE A PART OF.

4:15 - I place a well-timed question to nudge the process along. I do believe I am known to Instructor as "bitch." No she hasn't said it out loud, but the eyes ARE the window and all that crap. And I am a smartass. I know this to be true.

4:16 - Really? Serious?

4:17 - Instructor is now fumbling her way through her books, coming up with the answers. "The Miller's federal refund is $759 - oh wait, that's not right. Oh yes, here it is, they are getting $1,249 from federal and are paying into state $79. Oh! I'm on the wrong page."

sigh

I stare at Instructor with not-love in my eyes.

I am going to fry in hell. Who will be there with me?

Monday, September 27, 2010

Technology: A Gift or a Block?

It's become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity.
~Albert Einstein


I love technology.

For someone who, as a child, had to color with crayons, I've embraced technology like leggings embrace big and small butts.

I love the internet, I love information anywhere I need it, I love my Blackberry (thank you Lorenzo for showing me Blackbery App alerts).

I love music storage, I love photo management, I love softwares that make my life easier.

I LOVE my Garmin.

I love being inspired and informed by things I can research while sitting in a waiting room. It's spiff on a stick.

I don't like how it can isolate, how it can misinform, how it can run away with mundane and random shit and make it important (really? Lindsay Lohan? who cares??)

I don't like that something can be captured on a smart phone and, when it goes VIRAL (hate that word!) the video can make someone pull over in their car and immediately resign (Shirley Sherrod anyone)?

I don't like how marketers use information collected from places I visit online (does anyone really care what I'm doing on Mark's Daily Apple?). I don't like how Facebook has made stalking easy and acceptable (young uns should have to stalk the old fashioned way - like I did).

Are you fearful, yet delighted?

What do you love and hate about technology?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Hot Men Friday

 I hear his voice everywhere! I get a little swoony for the voice alone, but remember all of this?

Somebody stop me!
 
 
 
Remember when we loved hairy chests?
Guys showing thighs! This really was a million years ago.
 
 
 
Wow oh wow. He could really rock the pornstash. What a face.

He's good and craggly now and I love him even more.
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Soprano Vision

I like to watch DVDs sometimes when I'm cooking or cleaning up the kitchen. My Lorenzo has been watching The Sopranos via Netflix and that convinced me to drag out season one from our archives.

This quote is Tony talking to Carmela about how his mother and uncle Junior conspired to have him whacked.

I was chopping away on vegis when Tony said this. I laughed so hard I had to leave the room to blow my nose.

I miss this show. 

Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this.
~Tony Soprano



Tuesday, September 21, 2010

How Are They Hanging?

 Overheard

Pup and I were out having breakfast one Saturday morning before starting our errands for the day. Two Q-tips (senior men in this case) were hanging by the grab-a-stuffed-animal game, waiting for I don't know what. Pup and I nearly choked on our scrambleds when we heard this exchange.

#1 How's it going?
#2 They're still hanging.
#1 That's all you can hope for.

The visual in my head will haunt me for years.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Thrifting a Go-Go

These mystery cuties came in a set together along with a coffee carafe, although I'm certain that the little things have nothing to do with coffee. That's just the way they grouped them at the thrift store for me to w00t!

Anyone know what these might be? 60s in origin I know and I'm guessing that the two larger ones would hold oil and vinegar respectively, but what are the little ones for?

LOVE THESE!

Bonus - I rode my bicycle to do my thrifting. It was totally gorgeous out and I had just read a message from Craig Ballantyne (personal trainer in my head along with Jackie Warner) saying there really are no good excuses. So off I went, peddling away. I can't remember the last time I rode my bicycle to actually do an errand. It felt weird and cool.

While I was locking my bike to a pole in front of the store a VERY large man came walking toward me smiling away saying 'good for you!' and how he should be doing the same thing. I hope he does.

Riding my bike with its little front basket totally truncated any impulse purchases. You know the ones - the purchases that immediately, if not sooner, find their way back into a donation bag I keep in the utility room to bring to the donation center. My personal way to recycle.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Could I Have Been Anyone Other Than Me?

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

~Dave Matthews

True, we are not German tranny homosexuals (supposed inspiration for the song), but we were Dancing Nancies Wednesday night when my daughters and I went to see the Dave Matthews Band at the Xcel Energy Center.

God I love this band. I don't care if the bulk of his fans are polo-shirted, young, just-out-of-college, straight men. I don't care if I was one of few Boomers there (although I did see a woman my MIL's age and she was having a marvelous time!). I don't care that I had a strange urge to stop at McDonalds to have a quarter-pounder after I dropped off my girls (I resisted). I LOVE THIS BAND and I'll make no apologies.

They seriously put on one of the best shows I've seen and I've seen lots of shows. The improvisation is so fun to witness and the vantage point we had this time around let us see some stage stuff I've not been privy to in the past.

Every every time I see this band I see how playing the violin is SEXY! Hella sexy.

LOVE THIS BAND.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Hot Men Friday


Not so much a hot man, but a hot couple.

I caught the last 45 minutes of the movie, Sex and the Single Girl starring Natalie Wood and Tony Curtis. 1964! A movie with SEX in the title.

The movie is a silly in a fun way and it made me want to see it from the beginning. I was struck by Natalie Wood's beauty! I had forgotten how stunning she was. And it was fun watching a movie actually filmed in 1964 and compare sets with my favorite show Mad Men. I am obsessed with all things 60s.

I found this photo in my archives. I had chosen to save it for a forgotten reason. But look how Warren Beatty is looking at Natalie. I can't figure out if it's adoration or annoyance.

That's how relationships are I'm thinking. We are daily annoyed and adoring. Love it.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Things I Wonder About


How does Hotmail know I'm depressed? Or loving the chubby ladies? Or having the endless trouble with my wiener? How?

Why can't I eat dinner out without being asked 'how you doin' five or more times? But then they want to take my plate away just because I've put my fork down?

How does my aspirin know to stop my back from hurting? Why doesn't it fix something that isn't hurting?

Why has it been windy all summer?

Why are old ladies so crabby?

Why do babies smell like happiness?

Why is it I don't have to pee until the bathroom is not available?

Why is it darkest before the dawn?

Why do I blush at odd moments? Uncontrollably?

Why do I hate the word 'kid,' yet love the word 'kids'?

Why do I have to make a crazy face when I'm putting on my eye liner? I've tried to not make the face and then I cannot put it on! Grr!

Do men like it when women objectify them?

Why is confidence great, but being cocky is awful?

Why has every cat I've ever had crazy? Don't point that finger at me.

Why can I NOT concentrate on my homework?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Hot Men Friday

Pup and I watch Hung on HBO. Sunday nights. I look forward to it.

The show is kinda like the male version of Weeds only without Mary Louis Parker's annoying eye darting.

I like the show. It's smartly written with a cast that isn't afraid to be vulnerable. And, no big surprise, I've developed a HUGE crush on Thomas Jane.

He looks like the guy you shouldn't date. The one that makes you a little uncomfortable. The one your parents really won't like, but your mom secretly hopes you keep dating.

 
 
 
Cowabunga Patricia! Jane has recently separated from his wife Patricia Arquette.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Random Humor

I've stumbled across all of these and either they made me laugh or I thought I'd use them or I just didn't want to let them go.

Thought I'd share the crazy. I really laughed my arse off at every one of these. Kinda tells you something yes?








Are you laughing?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Story

cartoon courtesy of Natalie Dee
My friend Teri commented on my blog yesterday (hi Teri!) and it reminded me of a story that happened while I was with her.

It was quite a while ago. Maybe 14 years? I had just quit smoking. Maybe I was two or three months into it and hadn't had a bad day up to this point.

She and I were driving around on a summer day, I can't remember exactly what we were doing, just having a fun day driving around I think, but we had stopped into a bar in Wisconsin that a friend of hers owns/owned.

She and Jack were chatting away and I was sitting next to her at the bar, watching her and Jack smoke. Watching the bartender smoke. Watching everybody smoke!

I asked the bartender if I could have one of her cigarettes. I held it in my hand, but finally did not smoke it. Gave it back. I'm sure I was feeling a little cranky about not being able to smoke it, but I was stubborn about not giving in to the urge and for this I'm glad.

So, I'm just sitting there. Sipping my brandy/water (can't believe I used to drink that!!). Daydreaming a bit while Teri and Jack visited.

I absent-mindedly started listening to the guy on the other side of me. He was talking to a buddy, yapping about god-knows-what. Talking about nothing. You know, bar talk.

I f-ing gave that guy a piece of my mind, f yeah.
So I said to him, are you f-ing kidding me? F no!
She was f-ing hot and I asked her to f-ing dance.
That guy is f-ed up, F me!


On and on and on he went. Seriously peppering his every sentence with Fs here and Fs there. He used it this way and that way. He couldn't go more than three words or so without some sort of F derivative. I couldn't stop hearing it. I couldn't stop listening.

I mean, the poor guy. He was just sitting in a bar on a Saturday afternoon with his buddy, shooting the breeze. Yes, he seriously needed a dictionary, but was it really his fault that I was getting incredibly agitated? That the F word started grating on my ears and my mind? That I wanted to choke him until his eyes bulged out?

I touched him on his sleeve and said, "Excuse me."

He turned and looked at me.

I said to him,

"Are you as good at DOING it as you are at SAYING it"?

Jack and Teri busted out laughing and the poor guy stopped f-ing talking.

*Disclaimer - I have nothing against the f-word. I use it myself when warranted. There is nothing like a well-placed 'fuck' to get your point across. However, I felt no need to type that word over and over to tell the story.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Thrifting a Go-Go

Sunday was GORGEOUS so I hopped in Ruby (Jeep Wrangler) and met my BFF, deb-oh-rah, in the lovely little town of Lindstrom, Minnesota to check out The Picket Fence Gal's sale.

A perfect day to wander around this fun and idea-packed place. We also checked out a couple of other antique stores in the town and ended the day having lunch outside at The Dinner Bell while enjoying a lake view.

 
 I did not buy this lamp. I won't lie; I was incredibly tempted to buy this lamp just BECAUSE. It was the scariest thing I've seen in a while. Right up there with clown paintings. Looking at this photo I am CRAVING that idiotic thing so much! That's an even better reason that I left it in Lindstrom. Seriously crazy yes? {shiver!}

Here are the things that jumped in my car.

 Loved this! Look at the first aid instructions still included. Swoon!

 I have an unnatural love for wooden bowls and boxes. Somebody needs to slap me.

 Pup loves globes (yes to that question). This one called to me really hard.

A random piece of white pottery. The other two pieces I've picked up here and there.

Women really love poking around in these dusty places don't they? Oh men do too, but I have to say that Pup's eyes spoke serious happiness when I told him I was meeting deb there and not wanting to drag him. I'm such a good wife!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Hot Men Friday

I always say I'm not a big country music fan, but when I look in my iTunes there is a pretty long list in the country column.

Lucinda Williams
Johnny Cash
K.D. Lang
Lyle Lovett
Chris Isaak

No, not bunches, but I think I may be adding this guy to my pile soon.

This guy kicks ASS on the guitar.

Photo credit: John Mayer
He's very pretty, but we can forgive him for that.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Remodel Post - Part Three

I don't know how Karen from This Old House 2 does it. The remodel posts are exhausting! Remodeling is exhausting! But she has spiffy posts day after day showcasing her lovely home. Thank you Karen for suggesting I post about the remodel!

Dining Room
In this space the bulk of what we did was simply new table, rug, my china hutch, and plantain shutters on the bay windows in both the living room and dining room.
dining room before
dining room after
Living Room
I've talked about Pup's love-affair with his white, leather, puffy couch.
Exhibit One
I tease him about it, but it was a fine bachelor-couch. It had many recliners, it was soft, and while it had no cupholders, it did have a cubby between two of the recliners to hide his remotes. Very functional and handy.

So I move in with my couch and we parcel out his sectional to various places in the house.

I make it sound like it was a million pieces. Only two pieces were regifted (ha!).

Just the other night I sat on a lovely piece of the sofa in the Dungeon of Fun watching Pup put together this LARGE weight bench he got for himself.
Exhibit Two
Here is how it began looking after I moved in. Lovely couch. I had just bought it for my/our other house. It fit in Pup's living room nicely. But no recliners. That's what started this whole thing.
Ikea Expedit
 
I love how this worked on the staircase wall.
Exhibit Three
Note: Recliner-made-for-two
Tweaking is ensuing, but that's a never-ending process frankly.

The problem with any redecorating is then you start thinking about the next project and then the next project. Until you want to rip out your eyes and love what you have.

But Pup and I love shaking it up I'm thinking. Why else would we be planning the man-den?